Very sad to read so many mums agreeing with the Autocratic method of telling kids to do as they are told with the assumption that their children are so dumb to know any better. Children are the product of their parents and come to us with wisdom, intuition and a sense of themselves. They are not in training to be adults. They are children and are living in the NOW. Let's respect that to begin.

Of course children are going to chat back, it's called thinking for themselves. We should welcome this time. I read a recent parent blog about parents paying to send their children to a course that provides THINKING SKILLS, yet when our kids think and talk back, we cannot bear it ! Very confusing !

While waiting in a queue at the Cold Storage, I noticed a little six year old in front of me pushing away in the line, attempting to get to out of a mundane routine which is all part of coming out grocery shopping. His mother reprimanded him gently but firmly enough for him to understand what she meant. She said quite clearly:

"We are Singaporeans we don't push whilst in a queue".

When I was a child I would dream of eating a whole box of chocolates all by myself! I wished my parents weren't so strict with the 'no sweets' boundaries. Today, I am really grateful as I have a mouth full of even teeth with no dental problems. Coming home at 10 p.m. was another pain to endure but they were for our own safety, although at the time we certainly did not see it that way! Some of these boundaries were set with our best interests at heart, good old fashioned intentions that were bent at times as they gave in to us on the odd occasion, much to our delight.

Have you set boundaries for your children? If so, what are they and do they know them? Are you confusing them by changing these to suit yourself or the child? What are boundaries anyway?

Here are some common boundaries:

I often hear parents say "I don't want to do what my parents did, I don't want to inflict physical and emotional harm on my kids, but I want them to understand right and wrong with a different process". What can I do instead of punishment that results in positive outcomes for both parent and child?

Kids start to resent parental authority, become depressed and unhappy and eventually break the bonds with their parents when punishment is damaging and harsh. It breaks down a loving relationship and then parents wonder why their child hardly talks to them. Name calling can cause emotional damage which you cannot see through a bruise - I call these tattoos on the soul and could be even worse than the smack.

Aletha Solter shows us about twenty alternatives to punishment, so will share a few with you to get you started!

Look at the needs of the kid

Thought I'd open a most important topic of solving daily problems with little kids/tweens and teens!

Often we as parents seem to provide al the solutions:

"Why don't you do this or why don't you do that";
"I think this is the best thing for you because blah blah blah" and so on....;
"Give her back the toy";
"Stop hitting your brother";
"Go to your room", etc.

When two 5 year olds were fighting over a toy recently, knowing this was 'their problem' not mine i sat them both down and said:

"You two girls seem to want the same doll, is that right?"

Both nodded their heads to indicate yes, whilst sulking.

It's good when parents seem to recognize our teens' need to grow and change and explore their world around them! This is so important and something that parents find difficult to do.

Teenagers are going through so much these days, not just the physical changes we see, but emotional and psychological ones as well. They have pressure all around them and need us as parents, to understand and nurture.

At school they have to keep up with their peer group, their work load and perhaps even bullies who may form groups to overpower some of the teens they don't want around. The level of education is far more sophisticated than when we were at school so they have work so much harder at this as well. They are unsure of their body changes, and the teen magazines don't help as they portray the perfect girl or the perfect boy...and what about keeping up with body image in compared to the rest of their friends! Huge stuff for your teen.

It is normal for kids to be primal and self centred as they usually have their own needs as their primary concern. In fact there are lots of adults who still have not grown out of it ! LOL. As they grow and develop in a loving family, it's up to the parents to teach values such as giving, kindness and caring.

When we teach these as parents we try to avoid telling kids they are bad when they are only looking out for themselves because they are not. Instead just direct them to the behaviour you wish them to display e.g. When they grab the last 2 cookies in the jar " Do you think you can share that with your sister"? or "May I please have one and you can have the other"?