Spanking and COMMUNICATION need to go hand in hand for effective discipline to take place.

Rich communication prohibits cold, tyrannical discipline and provides an opportunity for the child to be known and learn to know himself.

The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts.  It is learning how to draw out the thought of others.  The objective of communication is to understand your child.  Parents need to help our children articulate their thoughts and feelings.  That, I believe, is the toughest part of discipline.

Spanking that is initiated by frustration or venting of own anger will not have any long term positive effect or purpose.

Spankings must be issue-oriented and not for general purposes.

Use the correct tool and at the correct place. Never use your hand.

The premise
Young people who believe that their intelligence alone will enable them to succeed in school are often discouraged when things get tough. Overemphasis on intellect or talent when praising children and implying that one's ability determines how well one does may lead to kids who are vulnerable to failure, fearful of challenges and unmotivated to learn.

The research

There are plenty of messages out today there that influence our perception of how best to bring up and communicate to our children.
 
Which one of those should we listen to?  Maketing gurus, entrepreneurs, and  the auntie-next-door can all sound extremely convincing when they dish out advice on parenting.  Here's our KiasuParents' Guide to science, theories, myths and conventional wisdom on parenting.

There is no better way to learn about parenting than from the experiences of other parents who have been there, done that.

In this section, we feature some of our dedicated and selfless KiasuParents who have spent much time and effort in documenting their parenting experiences with their children to share their triumphs and tribulations and lessons and techniques with other parents in our community.

If you wish to be featured as a KiasuParent, please send me a Private Message along with some information about yourself, your children and links to your blogs (if any).  As a featured KiasuParent, you will have editorial rights to creating pages on KiasuParents.com which will be linked to this section.

The Sunday Times today (1 June 2008) once again highlighted the "plight" of pre-school children having to go for enrichment classes 6 days a week during the holidays.  Aptly named "Oh boy, no break for tots too?", it was really the 2nd part of another recent story, which was about how primary and secondary school students have to go for remedial lessons and extra classes during the June holidays.

Yet, right beside that story on the 2nd page was the story on "Parents up in arms over tough questions".  In my very humble opinion, the Sunday Times has answered, in the same breath, its own question of why Singaporean parents are so obsessed with enrichment courses for the very young.

Parents write, “We would like to retire from our jobs as motivaters, negotiators, and full time rule enforcers for our children. Our kids have become too dependent upon us to push them to fulfill their responsibilities, and turn off the tv, computers and video system. Whatever happened to self discipline? And what can we do to coach it in our three kids, ages 8, 11, and 15?

"DO YOU think my child is old enough for piano lessons, professor?"

How often music teachers have been called upon to answer that question. But how often, unfortunately, a mother, or a father, has been told: "Bring him back when he is six years old, and then he'll be ready."