孩子,請你搬走吧!

來源: 新《大眾文摘》

孩子,今天你又裝作若無其事地,暗示媽媽,說市中區的房價,又在飆升,如果再不行動,或許以後你和女友,連一間棲息的小屋都沒有。

我淡淡地看你一眼,終於沒有像你希望的那樣,說出「媽媽給你們買」的話來。而你,也在這樣尷尬的沉默裡,即刻氣嘟嘟地放下碗筷,摔門出去。我從窗戶裡看著你遠去的背影,瘦削,懶散,有些玩世和任性,你還是賴在父母懷裡,始終不肯獨立。可是,親愛的孩子,你已經25歲,一份穩定的工作,一個需要呵護的女友,兩個日益老去的父母,難道這些,還不足以讓你成熟,承擔一個成人該擔負的責任?

從很小的時候,你就習慣有事來找媽媽。

5歲的時候,你要媽媽幫你整理扔得到處都是的玩具;

10歲的時候,看見同學腳上氣派的皮鞋,就哭鬧著讓我也去買來;

15歲的時候,你寫情書給班裡的女孩子,說,我媽媽認識很多的人,誰要是欺負你,儘管告訴我,

20歲的時候,你讀大學,每次打電話來都是抱怨,說食堂的飯菜如此糟糕,為什麼不給我多寄些營養品?

今年25歲的你,在一次與同學閒聊裡,很驕傲地說,我爸媽早已給我備好了買房的錢,我即便是不怎麼奮鬥,也一樣可以過得很好。每一次我都寬容地笑笑,就淡忘掉了。

我習慣了聽你的吩咐,只以為,對你的每一滴好,你自會記得,且在將來我們老去,你已壯年的時候,可以得到你的細心照料。 可是而今,你日日回家蹭飯,又時常將女友帶回家來久住,讓依然工作的我,還要為你們的一日三餐奔波勞累。這樣的景況,終於讓我連一絲的微笑,都無法擠出。我發現,這樣苦掉自己,全力為你的方式,只是使你心底的自私和懶惰,愈是潛滋暗長,無沿無邊。

我終於承認,25年來對你無節制的寵愛,是一個多麼大的錯誤。有一次開玩笑,我說媽媽或許活不到你娶妻生子呢,你一下子便急,說,那怎麼行,將來誰給我們洗衣做飯,誰給我們照料孩子? 當時的我,有一種無法言說的憂傷。原來當我們老掉,依然還要為你繼續操勞,直到生命的終點。我們不是養育了一隻日漸豐滿有力的雄鷹,而是一個寄居的蟲子,它要將滋養了它的鮮嫩的骨頭,一直啃到乾枯腐朽,再無營養。

親愛的孩子,我不得不殘忍地告訴你,你的上半生,與我息息相關,而你以後的道路,我將不再過問。媽媽已經將兼職的工作辭掉,我不能為了你的幸福,而將自己退休後的悠閒時光,交給繼續為你掙錢買房的苦痛中。也請你,從父母的身邊搬走,用自己的薪水租房去住。孩子,媽媽抱歉,不該這樣愛你。而你,也應對那些將父母啃到疲憊的往昔感到愧疚。且讓我們,彼此原諒,彼此放手。

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thank you

Dear Insider,

I want to let you know that I really like your article! You enlightened me to examine the ‘poor mother’ from the ‘spoilt child”s perspective. Thank you for taking your time to create the article.

I strongly encourage

I strongly encourage everyone to teach their kids 弟子规. Because of my kids, I have picked up this set of important teachings passed down from our Chinese ancestors a few thousand years ago. It is the essence of our Chinese culture which has been eroded due to economic advancement. But it sets out the fundamental values of how a person should live and conduct. It is divided into 6 parts. The first part is filial piety which is is the first virtue among all chinese values, then about honesty, integrity & trust among siblings, friends, and subsequently about loyalty to "general" = boss now etc.

These fundamentals can benefit everyone til they grow up. I have been playing the CD and now my 3 kids can recite. Some CCs also conduct, but I prefer to teach myself but nothing beats setting by example. If we do it, kids will pick up the good habits. Let me quote an example, a mother who buys special food items for eg, maybe expensive peaches and then tells the son secretly, eat it and dun let grandma or grandpa know…how do you think the child will think? "ok, mummy really loves me  so much so that she did not even give it to grandpa/ grandma"…I have been reading books on all these and I find it really useful!!

Hi momoshop

Great article!

So… can I say that maybe the angmohs are alot more ahead in this than us asians?

By this, it meant that they practise moving out from their parents at young age, while us asians still believe in staying together as a big family, providing for our children till we frail and weaken. And as long as our children are not married, parents still provide for their daily allowance and finance the housing loan?

Thanks for such a great thot, I’ll make sure my hubby reads this later. Thanks!

great article..make you think what sort of parent you want to be

i think as a parents..we have to know clearly how we want to raise our kids.  We have to teach them how to fish instead of giving them the fishes everytime.  I have to remind myself, eventually my children need to stand on their own two feets and we could not be feeding them forever.  Sometimes i do believe, it is good to give your child some "hardship" so that they learn how to survive.  You have to prepare them to realize one day you would no longer be taking care of them, one day they would have to earn their own living (in dollars & cents).

 

 

 

Good job, insider.

Well done and thought-provoking! Every time I read about articles or reports in the newspaper about grow-up young men abandoning old parents or being ungrateful or even cold-blooded…. I can’t help but feel something must have gone seriously wrong the way they were brought up… .I don’t say we shouldn’t blame these kids (they are kids anyway as they refused to grow up), just that when we are pointing a finger at others, four actually pointing back at ourselves….种瓜得瓜,种豆得豆,karma? I don’t know…

Actually if my child turned out to be like that, I would say I fail as a mother.

儿子要穷着养

 

Indeed, this reminds me so strongly of these books I saw when I walked by the bookstore –

儿子要穷着养

女儿要富着养

I did not pick up the book on why gals are different from boys, (cuz I only have boys), but for boys, the advise to parents is:

1.No mattter how muchlove you have, pls hide half of them from your boys.

2. No matter how much wealth you have, pls hide half of that from the boys

3. No matter how much protection you can offer, pls do not give all of them to the boys.

By letting the boys go through some hardship and trials, they learn to toughen up and cope with challenges and disappointments. They learn to be stronger,more resilient and aspire to achieve more. By teaching them the means to face challenges, limits and the realities of life (not sugar coated by parents), it builds character traits of strength that will last them for life.

I have seen so many examples of how excessive love lead to weak men – strong mettle is tested through the trials of fire, much like how strong metal are forged in the harshest of fires. I am glad of this reminder today.

Very inspiring.... That

Very inspiring…. That makes all of us reflect how we want to be a parent.

I fully agree that if there is no discipline, the child become spoiled.
I noticed that the more you give in, the more the child will bully you.

与孩子的恩和债




与孩子的情缘分为恩和债。

 

若孩子不是来报恩,

 

那种瓜必定得瓜,

 

种豆必定得豆。

 

Raise your kids well.  Love without spoiling them.  Love with limits.

 

A spoilt brat may turn to be a burden to self and the society that one may not be able to shake off for life.  Tragic cases around me usually happened to the ONLY SON of a family. Usually showered with the most love, attention, care, material provision, expectations, etc, these ONLY SONS turn out to be monsters when they enter adulthood with their parents keep asking WHY? WHY? WHY?  If these parents are lucky enough, these sons may wake up and realize their mistakes only after these parents pass away.  Seems irreversible mistakes of both sides with the ‘final account’ temporary settled upon death of either party (“till death do us apart”).

 

可怜之人必有可恶之处、可恶之人必有可怜之处。

执迷不悟

哇!  这个孩子真是执迷不悟, 越陷越深.  自己不能自力更生还一直埋怨母亲做错了.  被人宠本来是件好事,可是如果一个人不会去珍惜而把它误为理所当然, 那真是可悲.  母亲也是人, 不能做到十全十美.  母亲只是用所懂的方式去爱他, 如果他会思考, 有骨气会拒绝一些母亲的安排,也不会落到今天的下场.  难道这孩子如今去打枪也要怪母亲吗?   这个孩子要对自己负责, 是时候停止埋怨他人而为自己打算了.  母亲虽然有错可是也轮不到收益的孩子来批评或者找歪理让母亲继续活受罪.

Sorry I just have to let this kid know one wrong does not mean he can continue to be more wrong…..

 

 

An inspiring story to

An inspiring story to remind us that we should help our children learn how to stand on their own feet rather than just providing for them….timely reminder for me not to pick up his toys for him…

引以为荐!

值得一阅,引以为荐!

我无法原谅您, 妈妈.




妈妈,

今天我有意无意的暗示您我需要您的资助买房子时您显露出的那种模样真令我失望。

从小,您对我无微不至。在我成长的年龄当中,我从无需做任何的思考或决定,因为您都会将一切都打点、盘算好,而我就坐在那儿坐享其成就好。您呵护我、关爱我。您从不曾肯给我任何做主的机会。您担心我算错、做错。我就是在您那么一片苦心下成长。

从很小的候,您就习惯性的帮我处理生活大小事件:

5岁的时候,您没培养起我收拾玩具的习惯。您总认为我还小,所以总是在我背后我丢一件,您拾一件的将家里打理得井井有条。

10岁的时候,看见同学脚上气派的皮鞋,我就哭闹着让您也去买来。您为了爱我,也就百般迁就。

15岁的时候,您告诉我若学校里有什么解决不了的问题我可以依赖您的社交网加以解决,所以我也将如此消息告诉班里的同学。

您就是一个那么了不起的母亲,您任劳任怨的肯成为我成长中无所不在的拐杖、安全网,而我也顺理成章把您当成如此这般。

我原有一切能成为一只丰满有力的雄鹰, 但在您的溺爱下,我渐渐地成为一寄居的子。如今,您醒悟了,肯放手了,我顿时感到惊慌失措,因我从未有独立的能力。

溺爱我,是您的大错。对不起,妈妈, 我无法原谅您。把我养成今日这副没骨气的模样是您这些年的错误育儿方式朔成的。您误了我25年可健全学习做人的时光,我实在无法原谅您。所以如今您肯放手 了,但我却不肯。您必须为我的一辈子负责,就让我们彼此继续耗下去吧,直到您生命结束的那一天为止。

PS:  Never mind about my non-edited writing style…

A fine line

Got this keep both articles somewhere and read them on an annual basic to remind me that Nic&Nat have to live their life eventually…

Perhaps all parents and

Perhaps all parents and children should read Silverstein’s The Giving Tree 🙂

万千宠爱于一身

在这样一个物质极大丰富的社会,如何让孩子养成艰苦奋斗的优良品质,的确是一个难题。

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