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A Daughter’s Regret

My father’s recent demise left me with some mixed feelings of sadness and regrets. The fact that he had been an absent figure in most of my life didn’t make it any easier for me to accept his death, even though he had been ill for a long time.

This is the first time I cried for my father. Three times, to be exact. The first time was tears of shock when I learnt that he had passed away suddenly but peacefully; the second time when I saw him lying in the coffin at the wake, all made up but hardly looked like him; and the third time when I witnessed his coffin being wheeled into the furnace for cremation as I mouthed the last farewell to him through the looking glass.

I went through the usual process of grieving – first denial that he had died so suddenly, then reality hit and my heart ached for the loss of my father. Then it was feelings of sadness and regrets that I didn’t have the chance to tell him that I have forgiven him long ago and that no matter whether he had been a good father, I still loved him as my dad. I regretted that I have had to tell him these when he was lying in the coffin instead of when he was still alive. It made me realise that life is so transient that there is no time for regrets.

I do not know if my father had any regrets before he passed away. Perhaps he would have wanted to tell me he was sorry he had not been the father I wished I had. Maybe he would have told me he loved me even though he didn’t know how to show it. I guess I would never know.

But I do know that my child is blessed with a doting father who lets her feel secured and loved, even when he has to chide her sometimes for being naughty. I couldn’t choose the father I wished I had, but I’m glad I chose a wonderful daddy for my beloved daughter. Unlike me, she will grow up with a good father figure in her life and she will not have to be forced to fend for herself at a young age. She will be able to have many happy memories of a normal childhood.

To all fathers and fathers-to-be out there, I hope you always let your children know that you love and cherish them deeply. Remember, your children cannot choose what kind of father they want in you. But you can choose to be the kind of father your children want.

Happy Father’s Day!


so sad

Hi Angelight!

Yeah,its hard, My father passed away when I was 7and I always separated from my mother,cos I study in different place.Eventhough I had mother and siblings,I felt sometimes orphan.May be our destiny like that,what can we do.

I don’t agree whenever my husband said go somewhere to earn.Family togetherness very important than money.We can’t buy these emotional feeling by money.God bless you!Take care!

Forgive and Forget

Hi r2010

I can understand how you feel as I was like that.. and went through it.. thou situation might be different.

Ya.. as what angelight had mentioned.. try to make the first move by talking to him.. and eveything will be back to normal le.. 🙂

The first step is always so difficult.. I remembered out of the blue .. I called ‘Pa….blah blah ‘ on my BIG DAY(was asking him to do something for me..) and it came out so naturally and I remembered so clearly till this day and think I will never forget his expression .. he was totally stunned.. speechless… shocked.. guess alot of mixed feelings must be building in him.. when I called him.. he was so happy on that day… even till now.. Everything is back to normal…

As much as possible, I do not want to have any regrets in my life esp towards someone who have given me life.. brought me up in his own way.. (I came from a single family) and the fact that he is my Father.. even though he might have done something so wrong..I knew in my heart I have forgiven him long long ago.. just that it is so difficult to make the first step esp the one who is in wrong is not me.. and he had never asked for forgiveness.. whose father will do that.. 🙂

Men are men.. esp older men.. their character is too strong.. and their face is too important.. they will not lower themselves esp their children.. but I do know that my father loves all his kids.. even me who is the most stubborn among the siblings.. and who did not call him ‘Pa…’ for 8years..

It is never easy to forgive and forget.. but just try.. once you cross over the 1st step.. the next step will be much easier.. 🙂

Let me know if you need someone to talk.. 



Thanks for sharing...

Hi Castle House, thanks for your sharing…

It’s good that you and your dad are on talking terms now. You are right – no matter what our fathers did or did not do, they are still our dads.

Yes, I’ve already put down the past long ago. I only remember my dad with sadness and regret now – that I’ve lost that opportunity to tell him I love him no matter what.

That’s why I shared my story to remind all dads and dads-to-be how important a father’s love is to a child.

cherish while you can

Dear r2010, it’s good that you have forgiven your dad. but is it possible for you to reconcile with him as well, since both of you used to have a good relationship? 

If your dad is still around, it’s still not too late…all the best and take care.

Also, it’s alright to forgive and not forget…as long as you don’t remember with bitterness.




I also used to have a very good relationship with my dad. however, something happened and and our relationship was so sour that we did not communicate for long time. Eventhough I definitely forgive my father but it is very difficult to forget.. I am trying my best.

As a daughter we have a lot of expectation on our dad but some of us are not as lucky as other. But we have to accept that and move on.

I feel by living our own ways now it is better for me.


My deepest condolences to you…


Let the Past Past

Hi angelight

Oh my.. reading at what you have described.. I believe your dad must have done something to upset you..

Let all past.. as no matter what he had done.. he is gone..

Some men have difficulty expressing their love to their children.. maybe your dad is one of them.. some kids.. esp boys.. who are so cool.. they feel uneasy if their father ‘teh’ them instead lol…

Some children who are terrified of their dad.. grown to respect instead when they are much older.. as they understand him better..

It took me almost 8 years to forgive my Father for something that he had done.. We have not been on talking terms or rather I refused to acknowledge him during our monthly family gathering or whenever he is around.. .. till my ‘BIG DAY’… as I have to acknowledge the fact that he IS my father… no matter what he did..

Recalling all the things that he had done.. when we were young.. and dependent on him.. he was a good father then… but thing happened.. thus relationship.. changed.. feeling changed…

I am glad that we are on talking terms now..

Let it past.. 🙂

Take care…




Dear financial guru, wcw, happy mama, tree nymph,

thank you for all your kind thoughts…

Dear Mummyof2, your

Dear Mummyof2, your experience is very similar to mine. I understand exactly how you feel. My condolence to you too.

Yes, we can only bury the regrets in our heart and cherish our loved ones now.

Castle House, actually it's

Castle House, actually it’s me who have forgiven my dad. And I’ve never seen myself as a daddy’s girl. I was terrified of my father when I was a little girl.

Actually I’ve always wished I had a daddy whom I can ‘teh’ to from time to time.

Hi JonC, it's good you have a

Hi JonC, it’s good you have a dad who took good care of the family. nobody likes nagging, but nagging is actually also a form of love.

I’m sure you will make a great daddy, as long as you aspire to and do your best!

Jedamum, I agree with you

Jedamum, I agree with you that every mother should let her children know that their father loves them even though he may be absent most of the time earning a living for the family.

But there is a difference between absent but responsible dads, and absent and irresponsible dads who don’t provide for the family…and it’s difficult to tell the kids their dad loves them when he belongs to the latter. Somehow, children will know the difference.

My deepest condolences

to you, Angelight and mummy of 2… 

No more sufferin

Hi mummy of 2


Yes.. no more suffering for my Ah Ma as well… as she don’t really communicate when she was in the hospital..

We could not feel how much she was in pain..

Doc could not do much more as she was quite old le.. except to ‘let her go’ more comfortably…

Oh dear.. just the thought only. I want to cry again..

Thank you

Hi castle house
Thank you for your thoughts. In a way it was a relief for my father cos he did not have to suffer any more. I just wish he had led a happier life and I’m ashamed to say I hardly spent time with him, except towards the end, when he was in coma.

My deepest condolence to you,

My deepest condolence to you, Angelight… Take care!

so touching.... My deepest

so touching….

My deepest condolences

Thanks for your kind concern,

Thanks for your kind concern, Duriz. Haven’t ‘seen’ you around in the forum for a while. Must be busy with your DD?

Cherish What/Who You Have

Hi mummy of 2

My deepest condolences to you too..

Received a call from a colleague this morning the moment when I was clocking at the Security Booth.. the guard pass me the phone.. and said there was a call for you.. and i was huh.. so early.

He said ‘ xxx… my mother had passed away this morning at xxx…am.. ‘ I told him to take care.

I learnt from this colleague that his mother is very sick and will ‘go’ anytime.. but it is still quite sad.. and receive it early in the morning..

My Ah Ma passed away last year.. barely a year ago.. and I still missed her..

I visited her every week when she was staying at the "Old Folks Home’ as none of her children could take care of her.. and everyday when she was hopitalised..till her last breath.. with all her children and almost all her grandchildren at the bedside.. I am sure she has no regrets..

Life is unpredictable..

Do cherish the time/moments that you have with your love ones.. and whatever you have..

There’s no turning back the clock..


This is a touching story with

This is a touching story with plenty of anguish and regret. Though I’m glad you’ve found a husband who’s a good daddy to your daughter!

My recent loss

My father passed away a few months ago too. Just like you I wasn’t that close to him but that didn’t make it any easier. He was ill for almost a year staying in hospital, nursing home and hospice, which was where he passed away. Despite his prolonged illness his death was a shock to me and unexpected. There were many things that I wish I had the chance to tell him before his death but I lost that opportunity. All I can do now is to treasure the time I have with my loved ones.

Take care and be strong.

Deepest Condolences

Hi Angeline

My deepest condolences..

I am sure your father has forgiven you thou I am not sure how serious it was..

No matter what, you will always be his ‘girl’

Do take care.





My condolences


My condolences.

My dad left me 4 years ago. I missed him a lot for the first few years, now occasionally still miss him. I guess you will go through all this.

It was me who is the bad one, for some last 7 years of his life, I am busy with what all of you have been busying with, Work, Home, Family, Children’s Education, Children’s Tuition, etc, etc. 

Thinking back, although I do not like his nagging, he never come across to me as a bad father. He takes care of the family well, especially I am going through the same thing he went through now. I always told my DS that he will one day understand when he is a father.


Dear Angelight, My

Dear Angelight,

My condolences.

There are ‘4 friends’ that will impart valuable lessons, whom we are bound to meet in any point of our life: Loss, Denial, Regret and Cherish.

My husband is someone very much unlike my late dad, but very much alike too in some ways. Because as a child, I used to fear my dad tremendously, I told myself not to marry someone with my dad’s temperament (fierce, strict, intimidating, no-nonsense etc). Yet through the eyes of my children, this is how they view their father too; fierce, strict, intimidating, no-nonsense etc. What an irony.

To all mothers and mothers-to-be out there, I hope you always let your children know that their father love…..despite their strictness or absence. 


Sorry to hear Angelight. Take

Sorry to hear Angelight.

Take good care.

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