A Sample Composition

A sample composition for all of you ….

The Faint Cry

 

Exhaustion hit me like a sledgehammer. Trudging down the long route of the forest hike, I longed for an icy-cold drink. I kicked a pebble and scowled. Why did I ever agree to accompany Frank on this forest hike?

 

“Hey Joe! How about a race down the last one kilometre?” Frank asked hopefully, “Or are you too scared to lose out to me?”

 

        I agreed reluctantly and soon, we were racing down the torturous forest trail. In a few minutes, we were a long distance away from our hiking group and just a few metres away from the finishing point.

 

 “Yes! Yes!” I urged myself, panting like a pathetic fish out of water. Cool icy-drink. I could perpetually imagine the taste and the feel of the cold water flowing down my throat, cooling me down.        

       

Suddenly, a faint cry snapped me out of my reverie. I stopped in my tracks as Frank ran past me, grinning from ear to ear. I frowned, knowing he must be feeling ecstatic that he had finally overtaken me. I turned my head around, stared at the green undergrowth. Not a sound could be heard in the distance. What was that? My mind was aching from a throbbing headache and I could not think straight. Then another shrill cry rang out in the distance. I shuddered. A chill ran down my spine as the huge tall trees cast elongated shadows amongst me.

       

“A hungry jaguar or a huge, fierce bear?”  I wondered, as my aching mind struggled to snap back into reality. I shook off and ridiculed the thought of wild animals as curiosity overwhelmed my fear and I decided to investigate the undergrowth around me.

       

Creeping stealthily towards the tall, green undergrowth, my heart pounded at an amazing speed but my mind continued to will my feet to move forward. As I peered into the undergrowth, I was met with two shiny and bright eyes staring back at me.

 

“Ahhhhh!” I screamed hysterically, as wild thoughts flooded my mind. “A Bengal tiger,” I mouthed the words slowly. Then, I shook my head vigorously. What was I thinking of? A Bengal tiger hiding in the undergrowth? Impossible, I thought.

       

My mind, once again, willed me to  go and find out what was causing the noise. I bent down, looked into the undergrowth and felt the smooth fur of an animal. My heart stopped for a moment as the animal staggered out of the undergrowth painfully.

       

It was but, a dog.

       

The dog stared at me with its pitiful eyes and I found myself staring back, realizing it was the most beautiful dog I had seen. Then the puppy whined painfully and my eyes ran down its body to its hind legs. There was a wound as a thorn had been stuck into its paw. The puppy’s eyes captivated me, compelling me not to go away. It was telling me something. Looking at the puppy’s crest-fallen face, I knew what I had to do – help the dog.

 

        Blood was oozing out of its wound profusely. Slow but steadily, I put my sweaty palms on the sharp thorn, and pulled it out. The puppy let out a low growl, then a pitiful whine, followed by a sharp bark. I looked into the dog’s eyes and saw a smile. A smile of gratitude.

       

“Joe! What are you doing?” A familiar voice rang out. I turned around and saw my classmates.

 

“Why didn’t you respond to our calls?” they called out indignantly.

 

“We were having a rest… and a drink!” my teacher added.

 

“Calls? Drinks?” I frowned, puzzled. Suddenly, it dawned on me that the cry I had heard was not from the puppy but from my own classmates. I sighed.

       

“Any drinks left for me?” I whispered, hopefully.

       

“Sorry, buddy! We were all too thirsty!” one of my classmates smiled and put on a mischievous grin.

       

I stared blankly at the ground. Argh! I stamped my feet, frustrated, as I picked up the puppy and stormed down the trail, irritated and annoyed.

       

        Written by csc_babe

 

Excellent Academic

A very good example to set for my son. Now, I started to realised how far we have lacked behind and how much more are needed to push forward for his academic. Great work indeed!  

Very good masterpiece,

Very good masterpiece,

Well Done Kid. Hooray! claps for you

well written and command of grammer and voca. impressive. How to inspire my boy (pri 3) to write such compo. He score very badly in SA1….

 

iamcute

Avoid over-complacent students?

I was also stunned why only 32/40.. but then again after reading thru CSC’s comments again, I noted that her babe’s teacher commented that he is a reluctant writer..

so, maybe the teacher is one of those who believes in minimizing praises to avoid complacent students…

or..or maybe there are alot more in the kids that can write even ‘better’ than that!! 

 

CSC

CSC, I remember you wrote that your son love English examination the most cause there is no need to study. You have commented too in the language thread on how to improve English. Might want to share your tips again. We very anxious parents shudder with fear when such well written compo only commands 32/40.

Only 32/40?!

Wow… I wonder what a 40/40 compo should look like.  While there are still some grammatically weak statements, the score does not seem to correctly reflect the quality of this compo as a piece of academic work.

I'm overwhelmed by all the

I’m overwhelmed by all the comments. Thanks for that. Totally unexpected cos I posted the compo on my blog with the intention to earn extra kiasu points – thot it’s the easier way out since the compo is already saved in the computer folder.

And I was told to set the record straight…. the babe is my son (sorry for the misunderstanding – both my children are my babies) who wrote this piece for his class teacher  in class on 24 September 08 when he was in pr 6. Looking at his raw script, his teacher corrected a few punctuation errors and the only comment she made was "Sounds like you!" at the last paragaraph. He scored 32/40 for this compo.

My son has never attended any writing classes. Since young, he is able to write grammatically correct compositions but it was not until in pr 6 that he developed this skill of writing more descriptively and developing a style of his own. Credits must be given to his form teacher for her effort and of course, this dear mummy here also gave him tips on how to create suspense and to vary his sentence structures. He also has a tendency to imitate the ending of the stories written by some of his favourite authors. Hope to elaborate on the above in my next blog entry .

Alas, my son is, but a reluctuant writer. His form teacher commented that his writing depends on his moods. So this must be one of his rare moments of inspiration..

Wow, a very well written

Wow, a very well written piece of work. Amazing!

hehe. I wish my child could

hehe. I wish my child could do that

REMARKABLE

 If I wasn’t told, I would not believe that this is written by a 12 yo.  A New York Times Best Selling List author in the making.  Her ability to use adjectives is just remarkable.

Wow! Fantastic work! This

Wow! Fantastic work! This is really something.

Really amazed!!

Wow csc, I totally agree with Chief that your babe is really gifted!! And like buds, i could ‘feel’ myself there IN the story..

Many adults couldn’t write like that in a million years..

You must be really proud of her.. and rightfully so!

Please send a standing ovation from me to her! 

There is a distinct difference...

between learning to write and living to write.  The composition exudes a deep innate yearning and love for writing… it cannot be learnt.  Your daughter is gifted, csc.  Trust me.

csc_babe=csc's dd=born in

csc_babe=csc’s dd=born in 1997=12yo.

 

csc, care to share with us if your dd has attended any writing class? TIA!

I’m very impressed. 🙂

Wow! The standard for kids

Wow! The standard for kids composition is so high today! CSC, your babe is a novelist in the making leh.

Jaw Dropping

Jaw dropping..

The descriptiveness of this composition with its rich use

of adjectives makes any reader feel a part of the adventure.

Nice!

 bÜds

Great composition!

csc, care to share the age of the child who wrote this?

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