At what age should you give your child their first smartphone? In primary school, so that you can contact them easily? Or should it wait till they’re in Secondary 1, or even beyond that?

There is the fear that early smartphone introduction leads to poorer mental health. One study has shown that owning a smartphone at a younger age predicts lower self-worth, motivation, and resilience in young adulthood, as well as more emotional health issues in girls.

Some local parents follow Adam Grant, an organisational psychologist with a prominent social media presence. His advice is that smartphone ownership should wait till high school. In the local context, this would mean giving a child their first smartphone at the age of 14.

In Singapore, it was reported several years ago that children get their first internet-connected device at age 8, which makes them the youngest in the world to go online. This is sometimes due to school policies, which mandate that children should use a Personal Learning Device or PLD. Some parents are against this, and they may even choose a school that does not enforce a learning device in the primary school years. However, many parents will be inclined to go with the flow, and they may also provide their children with a smartphone in primary school, because it’s easier to coordinate school pick-ups if children are heavily involved in their co-curricular activities.

We feel that this is an essential topic to discuss as a community, and we would like to invite you to join the KSP Family Huddle webinar on 26 September 2024, to discover safer ways for our children to use their smartphones.

Below, let’s look at what you can do to minimise the risks of smartphones for your children.

Putting Limits on Device Use

According to a local study, one in two Singapore youths (between the ages of 15 and 21) have problematic smartphone habits. 

What does “problematic” mean? In the context of the study, it refers to dependence and the time spent on smartphones, as well as the problems that may arise from smartphone reliance. For example, this could involve frustration when one doesn’t have access to a device, physical discomforts such as wrist or neck pain from prolonged device use, or being distracted from work or school responsibilities. 

As parents, if you have social media or use your phone in a variety of ways, you’ll find it easier to spot the risk areas for your child. For instance, one of our community members recalled that when her son was nine years old, he requested to turn on comments for his coding account, but she refused. She talked to him about the possible pitfalls of unsolicited comments, and asked if he was ready to hear negative or cruel feedback about the games he had created. During this conversation, her son realised that he had wanted to turn on comments because he was seeking only positive reinforcement and validation. After which, he was able to accept the advice to turn off commenting on his account. Currently, at age 13, her son still does not have any social media accounts. At the dinner table, she shows him interesting posts that she comes across on Instagram and TikTok. For awareness, she also shows him the unsolicited messages that she receives, such as from ‘romance scammers.’

We also know of parents who will download the latest game craze (like Pokemon Go several years back) to see what the pull factor is. When you can personally understand that games are addictive and time consuming, and have experienced how the hours can fly by without one realising it, it will make you more attentive to the apps that your child has installed on their phone.

Some local parents swear by digital literacy workshops like Brain Defense, to help children become aware of online dangers such as cyber bullying, pornography, and internet addiction. We also know local parents who use control apps to track their children’s online activities, as well as impose screen time limits. 

The need for these measures depends on your family’s values, and what your child is actually doing while online. Remember: you can’t monitor what you don’t know, and a good place to start is by asking these questions:

1. What apps or games does your child spend the most time on?
2. How does your child feel when they can’t use their phone for a while?
3. Does your child often get distracted from homework because of their phone?
4. Has your child encountered any content online that made them uncomfortable or upset?
5. Do you think your child’s screen time affects their sleep or mood?

Not sure of the answers to the above questions? It’s time to have a chat with your child. This knowledge will help to pinpoint areas where you can step in with guidance.

The Best Defence Against Smartphones

A strong relationship with your child is your best defence against the negative effects of smartphone use. Open, honest communication creates an environment where your child feels safe to share their experiences — both good and bad — without fear of judgement. When they know you’re genuinely interested in their digital life, they’re more likely to come to you when they face challenges online.

You can try to set reasonable boundaries for smartphone use, but it’s more important to model healthy device usage yourself. If your child sees you balancing your screen time with other activities like family time, work, or hobbies, they’re more likely to adopt a similar approach. Instead of making smartphone use a source of conflict, turn it into a learning opportunity. Discuss the importance of time management, the risks of screen addiction, and the benefits of staying connected offline.

Parents who are teachers may be particularly attuned to the perils of screens, because they’ve seen how it affects their students in school. In such families, screen time conversations and negotiations are an ongoing process. It’s challenging to enforce hard limits especially when children reach their teen years, so you may find yourself resorting to daily ‘nagging’ to keep things in check. 

From our conversations with other families, here are two strategies that we think are healthy:

• Keeping device use out in the open, where parents and children use their phones out in the living room or other shared spaces, and bedroom doors are kept open by default.
• Finding fun ways to use devices together, such as by playing collaborative games, or viewing shows as a family.

We also know of parents who check their teens’ phones or follow them on social media. This is a grey area, as it crosses into autonomy and personal space, and can lead to feelings of distrust if not handled carefully. Instead of constant surveillance, focus on building trust by setting clear expectations around phone use and discussing any concerns openly. Encourage your child to come to you if they encounter anything troubling online.

By fostering an environment of mutual respect, you’ll help your child develop the skills to manage their screen time safely and responsibly. Ultimately, the goal is not just to limit device use, but to teach children how to self-regulate and make healthy choices.