Conversation with my son – On him finding his internal compass on learning

Below is the conversation extract I had with my son last Sunday. It’s about his O levels.

弟弟的‘大战’今天开始了!

昨晚他心事重重的来到我房间,谈了一会儿。

弟弟:妈妈,要是我的考试成绩不理想,你会怎样?(内疚的语气)

妈妈:你觉得我应该会怎样?

弟弟:会很失望吧?

妈妈:这几个星期来妈妈看得出你很用功读书,那对我已经是很好的了。如果成绩真的不理想,那也就算了;到时我们再另作打算。

弟弟:我很气我自己为什么那么迟才开始准备。如果我从5月开始准备,我有信心能考得很好。

妈妈:现在你好象开窍懂得怎样读书了也还不算迟。有些人一辈子都不知道怎样读书。最多你就留级一年,明年再来一次。现在什么都不要想了,尽力去考,考完后痛痛快快的去玩一阵子,成绩出来后再来说吧。妈妈常教你凡事尽力就是一个好交代而别去烦那些你改变不了的事。

弟弟:还有很多东西我没时间读完。

妈妈:都说没关系了。现在你已经懂了,那对妈妈来说也算是好极了!无论是怎样的成绩,妈妈是完全可以接受的。

妈妈:以前妈妈常对你说‘开窍’,你一直不知道是什么东西吧。现在你应该懂了吧?‘读书’是一个人自己的事,旁人是逼不了的,讲多了还会被嫌啰嗦,所以妈妈从来都尽量的避免在你身边唠唠叨叨的让你反感。只要一天没开窍,讲多都是没用的。妈妈可是终于等到你开窍了!

弟弟:现在我真的知道何谓‘开窍’了。开窍后会觉得以前的自己好愚蠢,怎么就是会有书不要读呢?唉!要是我早点开窍那该会有多好。我是多么的后悔呀!

妈妈:迟开好过没开。你近期来的用功妈妈是很欣赏的。你就再接再厉吧!

弟弟:妈妈,对不起。

妈妈:记得无论考到怎样的成绩,你还是我的宝贝儿子!

弟弟:谢谢你,妈妈

I feel as long as a child is conscientious, we just have to support them all the way; results are secondary…

Thanks for sharing :)

Thanks for sharing 🙂

Hi, you are an understanding and caring mummy

 

Hi

I am very touched by your love and understanding towards your son. Unlike some mummies, who only knows how to put the blame or lecturing their children when their results are not to their parents’ expectations. (I have heard quite some from my friends).

I am very fortunate to have a mummy who is also very understanding and caring. Yes, she encourages me to study hard but she uses the soft approach. She don’t scold or lecture me when the results are not within expectation, instead she recognises my hardwork and tells me to strive harder next time. Mummy, I LOVE you!!!!!!!!!

well done

Yes, I believed many parents nowadays have been pressured by the meritocratic nature of our society to be over-fixated on achieving academic excellence, not every child is born to be Thomas Edison, each and every child has their own strenghts/weaknesses. It’s more important to remain supportive of the child so long as they’re really putting in the effort, then putting the child down when the grades are unsatisfactory. Ultimately, we as parents can only monitor and provide guidance, the kids are the one living their own lives in the future so if they realize that, they will have the motivation to strive hard to do well. Thumbs up!

Agreed

Oh yes total agreed!, As a mum i tink tat is what we can do, as a children they need to know what they wan. Tat what i can help my girl now (A level)

i totally agree with what

i totally agree with what you said

I think I will be so

I think I will be so touched to tears if my DS says that to me…

Thank you for sharing!!!

Its so Touching!!

Thank you for sharing

Thank you for sharing Insider.

Highlighting a Mummy’s unconditional love and support for her child, a child’s understanding and appreciation of Mummy’s love and most importantly, recognition of his own shortcomings and the courage to change.

KUDOS!

 

Hi Insider

Hi Insider,

Thanks for sharing.

Really enjoyed your post and was very touched at the way you handled the matter with your DS.


Thks for sharing

Hi insider, really admire your wisdom and patience in handling this situation. Wish I have such wisdom n patience with my kids. Still hv a lot to learn where parenting is concerned. Your experience is a great learning point for me. Thk u insider for your sharing!

Thanks for sharing this

Thanks for sharing this touching incidence, Insider!

Brought  a lump to my throat while reading it.  Your son’s concern about his mum’s feeling is so palpitable and seems like the world hinges on his mum’s response.  If the response is one of nagging and scolding, I guess the child’s internal world will be crush somewhat and the sense of failure and sadness will remain with him for a long while.  Conversely the grace which you handle and answer your son’s concern is really touching and for me to learn.  I hope when the time come I too am able to answer my son in this manner as well.

All the best! 

Kudos to you Insider! I

Kudos to you Insider! I hope I have the wisdom and patience in such situations with my kid. We so often look at the short term results rather than the long term learning. I have so much more to learn and improve with regards to parenting especially after reading so many posts of great parenting from you and others. Good luck to your son’s O levels.

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