If you’re a parent based in Singapore, you’ll know that primary school life is not always smooth-sailing. In fact, there are several pivotal moments where children and parents might feel stress, as well as disappointment if outcomes are not as expected.

What are these significant events, and how can you better prepare yourself and your child to handle them with resilience? Read on to find out!

Not Getting the Desired Primary School

As parents, we generally divide schools into two categories: those we’ve heard about, and those that we know nothing about. 

Well-known primary schools tend to be established and popular, and many are affiliated to well-regarded secondary schools. What if you don’t have ties to these schools, and don’t have the bandwidth to volunteer for a chance to register early? Securing a coveted school spot will depend on proximity and sometimes, luck.

If attempts to enrol your child in a popular school are unsuccessful, you might feel a sense of helplessness, or even guilt over not having done more to ‘secure your child’s future.’ Parents have even spoken of feeling "mopey" for at least six months, so please know that it’s completely normal to experience negative emotions.

What’s more important is moving forward, so that your child can fully embrace the school that they’ve been allocated to. In our conversation with a mother whose hopes were dashed when her eldest son did not get their desired primary school, she shared that she overcame her disappointment by deciding to stop dwelling on her feelings, to focus on what was truly important for her son. She reassured herself that with easy access to past exam papers from various schools, she could ensure her son was progressing at a reasonable standard, regardless of the school.

Her approach reflects the power of cultivating an internal locus of control — focusing on what she could influence rather than what was beyond her reach. By redirecting her energy toward actionable steps, she not only supported her child’s success but also began to appreciate the strengths of the assigned school, such as its diverse community, seasoned teachers, and modern facilities. This shift in perspective allowed her to see the positive aspects of the school, which she might have otherwise overlooked.

Not Getting into the Gifted Education Programme (GEP)

In Singapore’s education system, there is a selection process to identify gifted students, which takes place in Primary 3. This is where some parents might hope that their children will make the cut. (Note: the programme will be updated in 2027, to allow more children to benefit.)

It’s useful to note that the Ministry of Education (MOE) advises parents not to enrol children in test-preparation activities for the selection exercise, because students who are not naturally equipped for the programme will:

• Struggle to cope with the enriched curriculum.
• Experience stress that could impact their self-esteem and cause them to lose confidence.

If your child is exceptionally smart, they may display these traits:

• long attention span
• excellent memory
• early and extensive vocabulary development
• curiosity
• early reading ability
• rapidity of learning
• ability to generalise concepts

While you may have your suspicions about your child’s giftedness, it is, at best, an educated guess until they are formally assessed. Although it may be tempting to use your child’s school grades as a measure of potential giftedness, bear in mind that academic performance may be of little relevance.

This brings us back to the current purpose of the GEP, which is to provide high-ability children with a stimulating curriculum, so that they can be fully engaged in the classroom. If your child doesn’t make the cut, it doesn’t mean they are less capable or destined for mediocrity. It simply means that their natural abilities don’t align with the criteria of the GEP. When discussing the GEP with your child, it’s important to focus on their individual strengths and interests, reassuring them that their value and potential are not defined by these selection tests.

Furthermore, if you perceive that there is a prestige element to the GEP, the reality is quite different. For instance, a GEP student in primary school will qualify for a secondary school based on their Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results, just like other students. For those eying the Direct School Admission (DSA) route, they will be on equal footing with everyone else. There is also no guarantee that GEP students will do well in the PSLE — they may not.

Weighing the above factors, it’s crucial to recognise that no matter what form it takes, the GEP is just one path of many. Your child’s journey through education is unique, and their success depends more on their dedication, the support they receive, and the opportunities they embrace.

Not Making the School Team for Co-Curricular Activities (CCA)

These days, a child’s CCA comes with high expectations. By standing out at one’s CCA, children (and likely, parents) hope that this will give them a clear advantage during the Direct School Admission (DSA) process in Primary 6. 

The DSA is where students apply to their desired secondary schools via their ‘talent areas,’ and the most sought-after secondary schools are typically Integrated Programme (IP) schools. These schools offer a six-year curriculum that does not involve sitting for the O-Level exams; instead, most students will sit for the A-Level or International Baccalaureate (IB) exam at the end of Year 6.

In order to achieve the goal of entering a desired secondary school, some parents play an active role in steering the development of their child’s talent area. For instance, some parents may approach school coaches about their external training programmes, even before children begin Primary 1. This helps to pave the way for these children — if they have a genuine aptitude for an activity, they would have received ample training by the time selections for the school team take place.

However, the CCA experience can also be fraught with challenges. We’ve heard from a parent whose child displayed potential for a sport, but joined the school team at the point of the Covid-19 lockdown, leading to training disruptions. The parent waited for a go-ahead from the coach to resume full training, but later realised that other students had gotten a head start, as their parents had been in more frequent communication with the coach. Due to financial and time constraints, this child continued to receive less training compared to other teammates, and was eventually fielded as a reserve player. Due to the stress of the training environment and a lack of positive reinforcement, the child also lost interest in the sport and decided not to try for the DSA.

Situations like the above are fairly common in our local context. It’s a lot for a child to deal with, and it’s also painful for any parent who has tried to support their child’s interests. If this resonates with you, it’s essential to focus on the process rather than the outcome. Encourage your child to view CCA setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than as a reflection of their worth or future potential. Help them explore other activities where they can find joy and fulfilment, reminding them that their value isn’t tied to making a specific team or achieving a particular goal. 

Not Getting a Direct School Admission (DSA) Offer

For many Primary 6 children, their first brush with rejection could be realising that they haven’t succeeded in their DSA applications.

What are the chances that a child will be rejected? Going by the numbers, the typical DSA applicant only has a 30% chance of being accepted. If your child has applied to popular schools, the competition will be even stiffer. In general, the majority of applicants will not receive DSA offers.

How should a parent handle this delicate situation, so that it doesn’t affect a child’s morale leading up to the PSLE? 

While it’s still early, talk to your child about the different outcomes for the DSA. Your child should be aware that there are three possible outcomes: they may receive a confirmed offer, be placed on a wait list, or be unsuccessful in their applications.

For each of the above outcomes, ask your child, “How would you feel if this happened?” Based on your child’s responses, you can gauge if they are mentally prepared for rejection. For instance, your child might say, “If I’m on a wait list, I’m not going to think too much about it. I’ll just focus on getting into a school with my PSLE score.”

Remind your child that just as exam results don’t define them, neither does the DSA. Encourage your child to have an alternate plan, by saying, “Let’s see what schools you might be able to qualify for, based on your current test scores. We’ll find a few good schools that you might like.”

For more coping tips, read our guide on dealing with DSA rejection.

PSLE Results are Below Expectations

For parents who care about academic performance, this will be the biggest fear: that children won’t do well enough in the PSLE to qualify for a ‘good’ secondary school.

If you’re worried about your child’s prospects after the PSLE, we urge you to self-reflect before discussing options with your child, as your attitude will influence the way they view their future.

We understand that in different families, ‘doing well’ or ‘doing badly’ for the PSLE can mean different things. For a child who has been thriving in primary school, a disappointing performance could be one that doesn’t allow him or her to qualify for a dream secondary school. For families with struggling learners, the fear may be that a child will fail to qualify for the G1 (formerly Normal Technical) stream, with seemingly limited options for progression.

The most straightforward way to approach PSLE discussions is to outline the possibilities, which can be summarised as:

1. Disappointing results: This would be the situation that everyone dreads, but it’s also where your parenting matters most. Your overall message should be that this is not the end of the world, as there will be new experiences, new friends, and new opportunities to look forward to. 
2. Expected results: Proceed according to plan.
3. Better-than-expected results: Enjoy the wider range of choices.

When talking about potential outcomes with your child, what you should look out for is a gap between expectations and reality. For instance, a child may be hoping against hope to qualify for the G3 (formerly Express) stream to be with friends, when he or she is more likely to make it to the G2 (formerly Normal Academic) or G1 stream. There could also be a gulf between a parent’s expectations of a ‘good’ score, and what a child perceives as a satisfactory score.

One of our members experienced PSLE disappointment last year, after her child scored AL18. However, as a family, they did their best to quickly recover and adopt a positive attitude:

“If you’re used to a certain level of achievement and aspirations in your social network, it is disorienting to suddenly face a different reality. But by being open and visiting a few secondary schools that were previously not on our radar, we met many impressive teens who were articulate, attentive, and did their best to attend to our queries. We felt lucky and relieved when my younger child qualified for his first-choice neighbourhood school last year, and after half a year, we can see that he’s happy in his new environment — he has supportive new friends, speaks up more in school, and even seems physically healthier.”

Need more advice about life in primary school? Chat with us on the KiasuParents forum!