For mothers whose child is diagnosed with autism

My dd1 was also diagnosed to be ASD when she was about 3yo. It turned dh and my world outside down. Life was never the same after that. I can still recall the anguish and turmoil that we went thru. And yet, the diagnosis helped to explain the many "mysteries" surrounding her behaviour.

The positive thing is that, in discovering early, you can start your child on early intervention. This is very important as it will help her and your family cope with AS much more effectively

Remember this: YOU are NOT to be blamed. No one is. It is NOT your fault. It is NOT what you ate during pregnancy. It is NOT what you did in the past. It is just how things are.

But, the need to pin point a reason to the cause of autism is always there. There are many "whys?" and we constantly look for the "because". Still, the last thing you should do is to blame yourself.

Both your and your dh are probably going thru the grieving process. There’s the shock of discovering the news, denial, the anger and evenutally acceptance. It’s getting to the "acceptance" part that may take a while. It took me a l-o-n-g while to get there too.

Sometimes, you may find that the husband has "clammed up". It may be his way of coping with the roller coaster of emotions that he is going thru as well. He’s probably just as confused, worried and at a loss as you are. Give him the space if need be, but at some point, both of you need to communicate and depend on each other for support.

Will it affect and change the marriage? Yes it will. When a family finds out that a child has ASD, it changes the dynamics of things. But both of u need to be strong for each other. There will be a lot of ups and downs but both must remember that the child is innocent and he/she needs the support of both parents to overcome the challenges.

It was very tough for both dh and myself in the early years (actually sometimes now also tough) but at the end of the day, we remain committed to help and love dd.

So, back to the question on did it affect and change my marriage? Yes it did. It helped to strengthen our marriage and our love for each other and our kids. The thing is that there must be open communication between both husband and wife. Neither you nor your dh should be shouldering the burden and frustrations alone.

How do I know it will get better?
DD1 is 13yo now and is in mainstream school. She is a delightful girl. Very helpful, kind and friendly. She still has language and social skills issues but we are hopeful that with time, she will overcome those challenges. *Pray*

We have friends whose kids are AS too. In the early years, it was very tough for all of us. Now, they are all in mainstream schools.

On finding a support group for your child and yourself
Where possible, it may be good to start a friendship class for your dd. This will help build her social skills and have a group of friends to grow up and play with. It’s good for the parents too as it becomes a support group for the adults. You don’t have to rush to organise a group now but it will be helpful for her as she grows older.

On developing your child’s potential
The thing is to find the strengths of your AS child. Sometimes, it may be a talent, a gifted ability and/or a character strength. Expose your child as much as possible and when you notice her interest, develop her strengths. This will boost her self-esteem as well.

DD1 has an interest in art and photography, so dh and myself constantly encourage her to pursue her interests. Recently, she represented her school in photography and video competitions. She didn’t win but we are still very proud of her achievements and how far she has come along. While she may not express well in words, she expresses herself thru her visual arts.

On managing your resources
It seems as if there’s much to be done – in terms of early intervention measures: speech/language therapy, OT, diet, behavioural etc

The thing is: there’s only so much one can do – in terms of our resources like time and $$. Just do what you can first, within your limits. One thing one step at a time. There’s a time and place for everything.

Know that in this journey of helping our children with AS, there will be the good and bad days. Each day, we work towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, it may seem as if the light is fading. But whatever you do, don’t give up and don’t lose heart. The light will grow brighter again. Continue to perserve and then one day, we pray, we will journey out of the darkness of autism into a bright new world.

In the meantime, stay strong and have faith..

we love kite flyingthanks

thanks for sharing 🙂

kudos!!!

have faith and hope…and kudos to you both

it is encouraging to hear

it is encouraging to hear your story. tks for sharng

Thanks Notabox for your

Thanks Notabox for your encouragement 

Your gal is very lucky to

Your gal is very lucky to have you and your dh as parents. Kudos to you two. Stay strong!

Thank you,

Thank you, Treasuretots_yeow. Yah… constantly remind myself that the tough must get going 

Kudos to u

She is very lucky to have you as parents.  Thank you for sharing your story.  Keep on going even when the going gets tough coz you are tougher!! Bless you!

Thanks Sun_2010, what a

Thanks Sun_2010, what a wonderful note of assurance. Truth be told, it took a lot of courage on my part to share my story. It’s not one of those things that I openly talk about. But, after reading the sharings from parents with special needs kids, I felt that it was something I had to do. Sharing what I went thru as well – especialy in the early difficult years. Just want them to know that they are not alone. That I am not alone too. Thank you.

Thanks Smum, you are right,

Thanks Smum, you are right, very important to find time for myself. At the moment, it’s retail therapy, reading and of course surfing KSP 

 schweppes, Ur r one tough

 schweppes,

Ur r one tough parent, my salutes

Not only u have done for ur DD ur best , by posting this article i guess u have given hope, and courage to many others. The words of one who has been thru it, and can emphathazie with them is a strong weapon in their journey ahead.

To u , ur DH n ur kids   

Sun_2010

You child is lucky to have

You child is lucky to have such supportive and loving parents. Hang in there and do take time off for yourself to relax.

The day will come...

Hey ImMeeMee

Trust me! The day will come when you will hear your daughter calling u and your dh. And what a wonderful feeling that will be. It’s the same with my dd as well. Took a while for her speech to come on and when she called me "mummy", there were tears of joy.

 

 

Thanks for your encouragement

Thanks Tong Tong, Duriz, Tree Nymph and Autumnbronze, for your support and words of encouragement. It really means a lot to a "struggling" mom. Thank you.

Hugs sista

One big hug that bespeaks a thousand words ……

 

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read – Mark Twain

 autumnbronze

kudos to you!

schweppes,

kudos to you and your hubby for the courage and the postive attitude.  and of course the love and patience and the vigilence for picking up the ASD early.  I’m very sure your kids appreciated the loving family they have and especially your gal!

dear schweppes thanks for

dear schweppes

thanks for your post in response to my post. it has helped me greatly in having the strength to push forward, and affirming that there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

good to hear that you dd is doing well. i look forward to my dd3 calling me and dh one day, and that will be the day that tells me that everything is worth it.

Dear schweppes, Your DD1 is

Dear schweppes,

Your DD1 is a happy and brave little girl. You must be very proud of her. Kudos to you and your DH. My very best wishes to you and your family. I only hope and pray that during the course of my DD’s growing up, I will be the same strong, giving and loving Mom that you are.

Keep it up ! You can do it !

Hello ,

Do not lose faith !

You should be very proud of yourself !

May God bless you and your family !

 

Thanks ksme

Thanks ksme. It’s not been easy but I am doing what any other mothers will do for their children. Giving them the best. 

I salute you and your

I salute you and your husband! Although I may not fully appreciate all that you go through, I admire your strength and love to help your dd. This remind me to count my blessings everyday for my healthy normal boy and all the other good things in my life. Hang in there and I am sure it will all be worth it.

Thanks for sharing!

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