Helping Our Parents Cope With Life

I’m a working mum and it is definitely not easy to cut the balance time between assisting my children with school work, have leisure for myself, for my spouse and be there for my parents. My parents are not the kind that dictates that you must visit weekly or call daily. They are undemanding and understand that their daughters are busy managing work and family. Early this year, my father was still working past the age of 60 and my mum happily retired, now a homemaker, looking after my kids (age 10 and . My parents insisted to stay on their own so I sent my kids daily in the afternoon after school and I will fetch my kids daily in the evening. We will meet up occasionally for dinner or when there are birthday/anniversary occasion that we will celebrate together.

But suddenly last month, my father was not able to continue his work contract and he found himself jobless. Again my parents did not signal the need for us to spend more time with them. But my thoughtful dd daily updates me, voicing out her concern as my father falls into deep depression.

We tried to draw him out by visiting him daily, bringing him food, bringing him out but he spend the whole time sleeping and loses a lot of weight due to his lack of appetite. This continues for two weeks.

I guess he must be worried about living expenses as his retirement saving is quite meager compared to the current cost of living. Together with my sister, we talk it out and try to help out with their living expenses.

I do remember too having such a good time with my grandmother playing, studying and doing things with her. I suggested to my kids to do the same things too. I seek my father’s helped to assist my kids with their spiritual development (religious study). In doing so, I make him feels useful and the outcome is he attack the assignment with vigor. He immediately went out to buy stationeries, two small white boards, blank books and the necessary reference materials that is needed for his teaching.

Once in a while on weekdays, as my office is just 5 minutes drive from their place, I will alert my mum that I will have lunch at their place. That makes my parents happy and my father will shop for fresh ingredients from the market and my mum will then cook my favorite food.

On a weekly basis, I take turns with my sister to bring my parents out or invite them over for dinner followed by a movie.  The next plan in tow will be to have a barbecue & sleep over at a chalet end of the year and bringing my parents to China to visit their grand niece.

I am glad to say that we as a family have successfully pulled out my father from depression. For my case, it’s just not the amount of time spend with them but the quality time, taking care of their worries and trying to find activities that will make them happy. Every little effort from each one of us (my kids, my dh, my sister’s family) that setting aside time to spend quality time with my parents is but an effortless task.

Is a blessing to have undemanding parents

我们必须懂得

“惜福“——> 珍惜眼前的幸福。。。。。

Thanks En for sharing!

Runs in the family.

I like the companion of old people since I was a child. I especially like their stories of the yesteryears and whatever that they have to say. It’s so interesting and so different from what we know.

Nice to know Winth that you still have a grandma. My mum is 67 and my father will turn 70 this November. All the old people that I know has since gone so, left my parents that I can hear stories from.

Do your grandma ever comment if your child’s characteristic is like someone they know or any relatives or sibling of theirs? When I went visiting my parent’s cousin or relatives, they will sure comment, I look exactly like my grandmother (from my mother’s side).

Another joke to share, this time on my father. He was due for lasik eye operation and a week before the operation date, he was to have a check up by the doctor. Not knowing what was expected of him, he as usual did not watch his diet. While waiting for the check up, he happily talk to my mum that since I’m on leave, they ought to plan to eat bone steak afterwards. Once the check up was done, he was soundly reprimanded by the doctor as his blood pressure was high, sugar level high etc etc. My father’s reply….. If I know you are going to run all these test, I sure would not ate the mutton yesterday and down few glasses of teh tarik this morning. The doctor can’t help himself but laugh at his comment.

That's a good one.  Maybe

That’s a good one. 

Maybe you could start a thread called "The darnest things your parents say."

Actually after becoming a parent, I am starting to realise that our hearts are still so young. Now I’m beginning to understand why my parents behave like children at times.

My grandma (in her late 60s) would still call my mother (going 50 this year) and from the way my mum replies my grandma. It is shocking, but it’s the way and tone I talk to my mum too!!!

It's a mutual benefits

Heeee……Buds.  If consider it very carefully, it’s a symbiotic relationship. I got to still eat mum’s food without feeling too guilty, I relief the additional stress of thinking when to slot in the religious knowledge class for my kids. Seems like you are benefiting from this arrangement too. Good for you mate 🙂

My mum likes plants, so sometime on Saturday morning, brought her to Botanic Garden. You know when we were young my parents like to bring us to the garden too. Just that this time the scenario is reversed.

Me: Mum! No. No. Dont pluck out the flowers. (Horror)

Mum: This is Ylang Ylang.

Me: Yes and please dont pluck out the leaves. No, No. Nooo…..mum.

Mum: (Her hand on the leave smiling at me innocently).

I look around at the passer by, I am the butt of the joke man… People were laughing at me cause my mum were just teasing me.

Yuup!

Yuuup.. it’s a fantastic idea!

My girls are doing that too!

On top of that, all sports activities like

badminton and swimming are also

done by grandpa! Grandma teaches

the soft skills like beads craft making

(jewellery) and baking..

 bÜds

You have done a very good

You have done a very good job to your parents. Thx for sharing, En!
 
The way you made your father feeling usedful by seeking help from him to teach your kids the spiritual development, is a very good idea.
 
I think our parents or parent in-laws do always want to offer help to us. But sometimes they juz don’t know what can they do or where to start with. Or they also worry that what if they have done something they think is good for us, but turn out in opposite way.
 
So thx for sharing such a good idea! 

Great job to you, En and

Great job to you, En and your sis. Amidst your busy schedule, you take time off to care for your loved ones… that’s so touching. Ultimately in life, it’s our family and loved ones that matter… and not that certificate or promotion.

Thanks too for this timely reminder.

Thanks for sharing, it is timely reminder for me to remember our loved ones while we are caught up in our rat races.

mamamia

Thanks too for this timely reminder.

Thanks for sharing, it is timely reminder for me to remember our loved ones while we are caught up in our rat races.

mamamia

Thanks too for this timely reminder.

Thanks for sharing, it is timely reminder for me to remember our loved ones while we are caught up in our rat races.

mamamia

Thanks for this, EN.

Both my parents are just like yours. Undemanding.

They never expect anything in return for raising all

of us. But like you and your sis, i too can tell the quiet

happiness they enjoy when i make initiatives to take

them out for makan… or go over to spend time with

them and the girls. My girls have not seen them in

weeks now due to being ill. This article has just

reminded me again to catch up with them soon..

Thank you for this, EN.

 bÜds

Treasure them while they are still around.

Hi RRMummy, amylqf

I nearly lost my father through heart attack a few years ago and on a separate incident, I found my mum unconcious in bed alone due to low sugar count. It was like a wake up call to both me and my sis.

It’s funny how when we we young, we will always bickers. But when tragedy strikes, the two of us just simply make decision and carry out the agreed shared responsibilities. Sounds strong and brave? Not really. Inside, we were filled with doubts and suddenly, I feel like a 5 year old girl feeling very scared and very unsure of myself. My sister never voices out her feeling but just one look I know she feels the same.

 

Thanks for sharing your

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

It is great that you are sharing responsibility with your sisters to spend time with your parents.

I would be proud!

Hi En,

If I could raise my kids to be as thoughtful and loving as you and your sis, I would be so proud! I’m sure all your tender loving care to your parents will rub off on your kids.

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