In Defense of Nagging

A Letter to my Daughter

Dear Dotty,

U hate my Nagging. I know that. U think it is the worst thing on earth. I know that too. U think that it is my favorite time-pass. I know that . But that is not why I do it. Read on …

U see, Nagging is a part of the job description of a mom. As a mother, I find it the most effective tool, in getting things done. The fear that “Oh no, I don’t clean up, she will get started again. And God knows when it will stop….”, is an extremely powerful motivator. Fear of nagging will empower U to overcome ur laziness to do ur work, temptations to watch the idiot box, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Just picture this – ur mind flashes the image of mummy (monster) in full nagging mode, triggers u into action mode and viola ! the seemingly impossible work is done.

I can hear u screaming, “But, but is this the only way, surely there must be a better way of doing it?”    I know U believe that science is God and anything else is not worth talking about. So let me tell U a secret.

I did my thesis on Nagging for my Masters in Motherhood (MOM). During that period I analyzed various methods of getting kids to do their work and believe me it was a pure scientific research work. 

The first option was Encouragement. After extensive case studies, I concluded that it worked only sometimes and was highly dependant on certain variables. Main factor is that the child should be “in the right emotional mindset” which translates into the child should listen to you. Between U and me, which child in his/her right mind would do so? Once a parent starts these talks, the child tunes him out in a jiffy. Relieved that (s)he has done the right thing the parent walks away and relieved that the talk session is over the child continues his old ways. So a big NO to this option.

The second option was the Reward system. U know that is the scientific term for bribery. This works but one essential requirement is that the parents have unlimited financial resource. Children are master manipulators (MM). They know all the tricks in the book and many, many more that are not in the book on how and when to up their demands, the necessary cute, innocent , poor-me looks and extract out the maximum possible of the poor parent (PP). The long term positive effect is MM turns out to be an excellent negotiator/salesman/or a banker. And the downside is you would have a ill-mannered, pampered brat in your hands. And if U don’t believe me take a look around – so many of them flooding our precious planet.

Now the third option was Punishment but U know I don’t believe in physical violence.

Ahimsa is my motto. So I wont even go into that.

Best for the last – Nagging. It’s in a class of its own. Of course, it is not easy. To keep harping on a single issue and pull in all the connected issues, to drag out all remotely related past incidents staring from the birth of the child and drawing out comparisons with all the “other kids” – this is no mean task. It takes plenty of practice and rigorous research. Yes Ma’m, Nagging is lot of hard work. But then parenting is no walk-in-the-park.

With some practice, the child (Naggee) is so attuned to the parent (Nagger) that  they know which situations will start the nagging and try their level best to avoid being in such a situation. U see Naggees are motivated kids with great observatoinal skills! And once the nagger has been triggered, they know to lie low and wait for the storm to pass. Naggees turn out to be patient kids! And they know to tune out the surrounding disturbances and focus. So the byproduct of Nagging is u get Motivated Focused and Patient kids. What more could a parent ask for?

And with time the Nagger becomes an Expert Nagger ie  the nagging within the Nagger grows and grows till it takes full control of the Nagger. Then there is hardly any effort required, nagging just flows out of the parent , (s)he could go on and on and on . So much so the Nagger finds it hard to stop. May I humbly add that I have now scaled to this expert level. 

Nagging is a scientifically researched process with great statistically backing and  has withstood the test of time.  Other techniques are time consuming, and depend on the mind set of the kid. Frankly speaking God only knows what is going on in a child’s mind. Sometimes I wonder whether even God knows. Nagging has the kick-in-the-butt effect that no other technique has. It is not dependent on the temperament of the child, his/her mindset, and costs the parent nothing.

I could go on singing praises of Nagging but you get the point don’t U? Smart gal. 

So the next time I start nagging, I am sure I will see U glowing with admiration at a mom who is using scientifically proven method and is an expert at that. Looking forward to that priceless moment, baby!

MM
(Monster Mom)

PS: This is a satire , I believe that Nagging is a form of emotional violence and fails to achieve the true purpose even when the job gets done. Some thoughts on communication I am trying to live by – 

Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard.

People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower.

Attitudes are the real figures of speech.

Chen, please dont. Its an

Chen, please dont. Its an addiction believe me. 🙂

I wrote this  few years back when i realised I was on auto-nag mode, things have gotten better now, that is to say less frequent – but i have not yet gotten rid of the monster…

 

Smartmummy, thanks for

Smartmummy, thanks for reading.

WCW, Thanks for

WCW, Thanks for reading!

Actually its no fun – neither nagging nor being nagged.

 

Thanks Funx3

Thanks Funx3,

Now I know why that 3 in ur nick 😉

Look at it this way, at least your daughter is paying attention to what you say.

I say you are blessed, lol!

PS- Hope ur DD gets the COs soon.

All the best

 

Sun

 

 

This is so funny that I

This is so funny that I almost died laughing, and now I am motivated to learn to nag. Hahahahaha!!

Thank you for sharing!!

Thank you for sharing!!

Thanks for sharing :)

Thanks for sharing 🙂

Ha Ha .... My Gal Will

Ha Ha ….

My Gal Will Always Remind Me …..

"Mummy U tell Me 3 x Today Already …."

And I’ll Go " Uh? Really, Just Take it Mummy is Getting OLD -liao! …."

And I’ll Repeat Whatever that is a Few Hours Down the Road …. Ha Ha ….

Good Post, With The Right Tinge Of Humour there ….

 

 Tell me about it -  the

 Tell me about it –  the auto pilot mode in nagging !

Then again we are mommies , arent we ?

Sun  

Nagging Huh

Total agreed on this love-hate relationship. Just could help to pick up something and start nagging him. I hate myself for doing this. Like a witch.

Thank u

 

Thank U!

So your Ds has an email already, and you keep it active too. Hats off.

DD created one for DS but its been so long ago we neither remember the id nor the password 🙁

Sun  

Kudos to this post I

Kudos to this post I enjoyed every sentence of it . All i m going to do is mail this to my son on his email account he is just 5 years but i have his email registered so that I can forward him such imp. msg and he’ll read it when he is big enough to understand.

Keep up the good work.

 Foreverj, U sure have a

 Foreverj,

U sure have a trying time ahead… a mum’s got to do what a mom’s got to do….

But keep it in check before it takes over you , hehe

Sun  

what an interesting post on

what an interesting post on nagging! u r obviously someone who has a great sense of humour 🙂 dd is stil young but already returns my "requests" with a "humph" and a crossing of arms. wat to do, kids nowadays have a mind of their own and to "communicate and get our messages across", we need to resort to more "high-handed" and creative ways 🙂

What to do? We have a

What to do? We have a love-hate relationship. I loved him so much that I must continue to do the nagging that he hates so much. Keke

 Markfch, Times have

 Markfch,

Times have changed and so have dads, but us mommies retain the tradition of nagging very firmly.

As for you, young man  , ur Ds has u wrapped around his tiny fingers. how cute.

Sun  

 Ksme, Glad to know that I

 Ksme,

Glad to know that I have company in this intense field.

Really its a mommy thing. What is maddening , the grandmas now cooly move over and support the kids, forgetiing all the lectures they were so fond of giving , argggg….

Sun  

Duriz,  Thanks for putting

Duriz, 

Thanks for putting in the meaning of Ahimsa – even DD wanted to know what it means.

Yes, now we get to see the world from the other side of the Mother-daughter relation. Then nagging doesnt seem so bad afterall , hehe

Sun  

Sun  

 Thanks for putting in the

 Thanks for putting in the meaning of Ahimsa – even DD wanted to know what it means.

Yes, now we get to see the world from the other side of the Mother-daughter relation. Then nagging doesnt seem so bad afterall , hehe

Sun  

DS will have reservations about this

Hahaha, my 5 yr old son will have severe reservations about this. 2 of his favourite sentences to me are ‘sometimes I find you a bit irritating’ & ‘ you are giving me headache now’.  

Times have changed. If I ever dared to say the same thing to my dad, some things will be broken in the house, depending on where my dad was standing at that time.

Haha, I have reached the

Haha, I have reached the expert nagger status also. Both my mum and my son have certified that and as a result they have a common “enemy”. It seems to be in my DNA now.

Ahimsa (Sanskrit:

Ahimsa (Sanskrit: Devanagari; अहिंसा; IAST ahiṃsā, Pāli: avihiṃsā) is a term meaning to do no harm (literally: the avoidance of violence – himsa).

Dear Sun_2010,

What a lovely letter to your dotter. How my heart and feelings flow when I go through your every word. I think back on my journey with my Mommy. One day, I shall visit this route (albeit many times) with my DD. Thank you for sharing.

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