Everyday before i go to bed, i would think of how the day passed by me. It’s a time for reflection on the stuff i did and was not able to do. Especially now when time never seems to be quite enough.
I told myself that time will NEVER be enough if i don’t make everyday count… no matter in whatever small ways and no matter how little. So i reflect…
DD1 is at a pre-teen age where she loves getting to know new friends at a phase of idolization for a certain band, a certain singer or even a certain teacher. Sigh.. how much this baby has grown. A slight premie too, no less. It is tricky dealing with a child her age and a girl at that too. Gotta tread on shaky ground on her moody days, this even before she has her period. *faint*
Time with DD1 is limited due to killer homework and daily supplementary lessons. I find that with DD1, i seriously am short of time to bond with her. Everyday i tell myself i must… i must. So each time before bed, when i reflect i realized what i’ve done every day and every other day in fact, was nag at her. I feel terrible. She made it feel worse when she wrote this and pasted it on our self-assigned-message board-fridge…
I told myself to shake out of the sick routine and get both ourselves out of this rut. MUST make time to bond. And we did. The following day, took her out to have snacks at Mac Donalds and we had a nice chat + catch up. Mommy here apologized for the day before and hope to improve IF she promised she too would do her part to well… *avoid it. (*being nagged at) I told her i don’t like how we are doing and some things need to be refined so we won’t be at each other’s throats every other day. We can’t make everyday a scream-fest. So these days, either one of us will remind the other what we’d like for the day. This way, we hope that we can work out the days where we can make it work.. this is still work in progress.
Buds_hubs has been telling me for the umpteenth time that i have got to stop cleaning the house.. stop being with just the kids.. come watch tv.. come eat with us.. and come sleep early and don’t go KSP-ing… Honestly, i tried the rest but the last part i can’t cos i don’t sleep early! Never did.. Action spoke more than words for buds_hubs got round to making it work for us. He took the broom and mop off my hands and pulled me to bed to join the kids and him with their usual banter and catch up on school talk. I was actually trying to get all the things done when he’s back cos i couldn’t get round to doing it since i was busy the whole time with the children.. but yes, i see his point now. I was forced to watch tv on days there were no chores and all homework was done. He said, “You girls play in the room. Mommy and i are going to watch tv.” And we did! I enjoy it very much in fact… 🙂 Meal times has always been about me getting up in between munching to either replenish drinks.. add gravy lar.. more rice.. mop up spills.. (etc) These days, buds_hubs goes.. “You sit & eat. I will get this.” Again… this i loike. 😉 Mealtimes have never been more peaceful. So, here… both of us reflected and ensured we could make things work. Without being stubborn. Hehee.. He used to be anal about a spick and span house but no longer now. Guess time’s too short to face the laundry or the kiddies every other day. Want couple time together then both gotta make sure we make everyday count. No matter how little. No matter how simple. Just make it count.
DD2 i realized in my before bedtime reflection has been thee most neglected part of the family to the extent of being ignored and i felt so guilty when i saw that pictures in my mind. It hit me soo bad the other day when she came over to kiss me while i was feeding the baby and whispered, “Dun worry mom… i understand that didi needs more of your attention now cos he is still small. He cannot do things for himself like i do. So, when you find that you have some free time to spend with me then we do stuff together and catch up on our bonding time ok mommy, just like the old days…” She kissed me and baby on our foreheads, whispered i love you and shortly after; left the room. I was stumped for words. That reflection was too strong to ignore.
In the midst of her helping me with housework… yes, helping me wash dishes, hang and fold some clothing, humour the baby, do her assessments, watch tv… (etc).. i just forgot abt our daily bonding time before baby was born. Just because she had been sooo independent. Just because i thought she was ok with doing her own stuff. Just because i thought she was dealing with everything fine. I felt like a bad mommy and i swore i must make the days ahead count for her. Give her more happy thoughts to journal in her diary and that unforgetful brain of hers..
Today, hubs helped me to start off with bonding with her over some painting activity while i hasten to get the baby to sleep. Just nice, they were done when i came out. She still wanted to do painting together and chat while we’re at it. Hubs turn to work on the lappy (laptop). We were all in the living room.. We painted, lying down on our tummies… at times our foot entwined.. she chuckling over her impatience and me doing repair work for her. We finished our first masterpiece… TA DAA!
Then, she requested for a game of reversi. I obliged and promised to make her lose big… and i really did! *evil laugh* The whites are all mine! Mwahahahahaaa! *evil laugh again!*
After which i tuck her in to bed and said i hope she had a good time and have sweet dreams. She replied, “Thanks for spending time with me mom. I miss you. Funny feeling when we are always together and in the same house too.. but i just miss you. Goodnight mom… i love you very much. You’re my number one..”
Before a tear could roll down, i nodded at her … smiled and quickly went to turn off the lights and headed out to have my own time. Hehee.. to come KSP-ing lor. LOL!
In my last reflection, i also saw that i was busy with my family that i have yet to have time for myself so i made it a point to catch up with my family and some girlfriends. I brought chubs over to play with my folks at their place while i waited for DD1 to finish off with her supplementary lessons. Another day, i bought them grilled whole chicken and lychees in a cute basket as a surprise. They came over once the same week to spend time with the children too. All of us went swimming together and had dinner outside during one of the weekends.
For my in-laws, i offered to cook their favourite fish head curry two weekends ago when hubs invited them over. I received sky ratings for food, beverage & services. Keekeekee.. We watched Green Hornet over cable at our home too. This weekend, hubs is planning a makan outing with them so we won’t need to clean up our place after they leave. In doing so, he plans for us to have our Sunday free to do our own fun family stuff. Cool idea, baby. ONZ!
For myself, brought the kiddies out to SAFRA Jurong to sweat themselves out at Kids Amaze while my girlfriends and i chatted over brownies topped with ice-cream and fudge… and also of course the delectable cheese fries. We’re planning hi-tea sometime next week or so. Just two days ago caught up with two shuai-ge(s) over lunch and ice-cream and that was soo good. It’s just nice when we’re out with frenz. Of course nicer when you get to indulge in actual adult talk. Kekekeee.. Being around children somehow can impede on vocabulary if ya know what i mean.. :p
To top off my good month’s streak, buds_hubs came back one day after work and gave me a gift of new shoes! He even gave me extra $ (bonus) and time off to do my own me stuff too. He said, “Go have some time for yourself. You need it.” Guess he quietly understood without saying much.. Heheh.
So, i got myself a new white iPhone4, new clothes, a new bag, got a makeover *wink* and a quiet reprieve over ice-blended green apple.
Shout-out to hubs : I just reali love you! Muacks..
No, not just the money honey! Wuakakakaah! LOL!
So there… in my before-bedtime-reflection today… i will smile (& sleep well) knowing this time, i have really tried and hey i succeeded to play wifey, mommy, daughter and friend effectively; for the people i care about… including myself, thru the weeks before and am definitely looking forward to the weeks ahead to make everyday count.