Me. The mommy.

Buds_chubs has been good so buds got to do some light reading and wanna share this enjoyable book written by some twenty-six outspoken writer moms on their choices when it came to their lives, their families and their children. You see.. in every household, the crunch time comes (as to whether the mother stays home or continues working) once a baby (or babies) is added to the family. I personally find that somehow it is therapeutic to read how others go through it too… how they worked the kinks out eventually… and that we mommies, are definitely not alone. A great read for new mothers… seasoned mothers… all mothers! As for the fathers, read if you dare to be entwined around the minds of powerful women.. you may jolly well already have one in your home right now.

MOMMY WARS by Lesley Morgan. I borrowed my copy @ Woodlands Regional Library recently during one of my quiet afternoons with the baby. Free aircon was another major reason on top of wanting to catch up on an old hobby… light reading. Light reading for me refers to a good read that perks me up even during the day and keeps me in smiles just reminiscing its contents. Generally this kinda light reading helps make my day and transcends to everyone in the family having a great day definitely. Kekekkee.. Reading this book freshens up perspectives… on the lives of other mothers… working ones and stay home ones alike. Heck.. even the work from home ones and the part-timers too. The book takes readers on a journey of power women; some forced upon into motherhood and also reluctant mothers who eventually nestled in their roles triumphantly. In short, the book takes readers on the ride that whatever choices we make are the ones that works for us and ideally… the decisions that make us happy. Mothers should come together and unite, not be at war amongst ourselves or within ourselves; with the choices we make or have made.

Here’s why every mom should read this book :

I could empathise with Catherine Clifford when she wrote, "A good mother is a good mother, working or not, just as a crummy one is crummy whether she’s home all the time or hardly at all…" and "I am lucky that i can live, albeit with sizeable skimping, on one salary. I’m fortunate to have a husband who does as much housework as i do, not only live for his kids (and me) but is also a full partner in raising and wrangling them."

And i could feel the emotional scarring when Lesley Morgan wrote about her bitter first marriage, "…. some scars never heal, but the wounds don’t kill you either. Being responsible for my life, my children, my choices sustains me in my darkest hours.." and i laughed hilariously when she shared, "Oh yeah, no sleep here either. Last night, Morgan kicked me all night, Max peed on me and when i woke up at 5am, Perry wanted to have sex." This time remarried with 2 kids with her second husband.

I read and cried together with Monica Buckley Price as a zillion thoughts razed through her mind, " The diagnosis hadn’t changed him at all. He was exactly the same child i’d left that morning. But now, a new word -autism- was part of him, our future… suddenly i had a new career : Rescuing Wills."

I could feel the happiness when Terri Minsky casually asked her son while they were walking together, "Would you have wanted me to work or be at home?" His reply was simple,"I would have wanted you to do what made you happy."

Happy mommies translates to a happier family. So… what kinda mommy are you? This book sets me thinking on the kind of mommy i was. Lemme think now…

For me… i like to see myself as a cool mommy. Easy going… happy go lucky… take things calmly and in stride.. err.. try to. Having said that, it doesn’t mean i don’t get to do my fair share of nagging and more nagging… hehehee… and yes scolding too. But hey! They asked for it! LOL!

I’ve made many different choices in my life with the 3 children and i’ve played the different roles of mommy. First child i was a full-time working mommy who loved working immensely and couldn’t fathom the thought of staying home. Money was good.. top of the ladder was within reach.. my mumsie cared for the baby. Happy? Yes!! Until mumsie sorta had frequent hot flushes = menopausal signs. Tendered resignation a coupla times but eventually worked out with the understanding of an extremely patient and super cool boss.

Second time around was harder as hubs was always not around… transferred to new dept… busy at work… came home really late, if he came home at all… and the stays with ILs were very very very hard… and painful, to the post effect of scarring my otherwise happy life. Relationship with the man strained but with the girls… super tight…  … we were like the all-girls-team. Work became crazy, boss became cuckoo of a sudden, so i decided to sack my boss. HARDEST decision ever.. New chapter began. I was going to be a stay home mommy. Nope. Not sure i could. I couldn’t. I missed working so much, i worked out a way to work part-time and eventually, from home. Happy now? Yes!!!

Third and hopefully final time with buds_chubs… being a stay home mommy cum continuing to work from home mommy seems ideal and most happy decision. Plus with our own nest (finally…), everything sorta came into place. Relationship with the man never better.. the girls happier.. the boy… sigh… super pampered. ๐Ÿ˜›

Not every day runs up good.. i mean some days could definitely be better, but i choose to stay in focus and remember i’m the cool mommy.. calm.. collected.. steady pom pi pi.. yes, so if you do see me, i’m me, the mommy… all cool and dressed up to the nines, my Nicole Richie shades never leaving me.. shopping and dining out parading my three beautiful children. Happy now? Yes.. happiest!

Whatever our choices are… remember we are the backbone that keeps the family in check and in tip-top shape. Regardless of whether one is a briefcase bearer or a stroller pusher, the choices we make are truly for the best interests of our own family. We care enough to make these choices, cause we are – MOMMY. Mother to our children, wives to our husbands … the support behind their success stories and the loving arms for the downfalls… and yet still uniquely our own person.

To all mommies out there, celebrate motherhood the way you are happy with – Happy Mother’s Day.

Love, buds.

Always find it refreshing and

Always find it refreshing and interesting to read Bud’s blog

Interesting info :)

Interesting info ๐Ÿ™‚

Father-daughter bond

Quote amylqf, "being a parent, especially mother, is indeed not easy. happy monther’s day:

Heyya amylqf, thanks for dropping by and sharing your thought. In my case, it must’ve been hard for my daddie to parent me especially since i was his only girl. But i am so blessed that till today we’re still soo close and bonded. Father-daughter bond may sound rare but i love it so much.. that i share that with my daddie. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I hope to replicate this same bond with my children… be it with my girls or my boy.. ๐Ÿ™‚

Make the best of the choices ..

Heyya bboomer71, nice to know another member who has picked up this book too! In Taipei at that too! Yes, the relate-able sharings in this book struck many chords in me too; for like you’ve said it… we’d have probably went through the different roles at some point in our lives. While the different forms of guilt build up within whatever role we undertake, i agree that we can’t kid ourselves that while, yes..granted that we definitely can, it is still challenging to be at peace with some of the choices we make but life’s too short to beat ourselves up over it. Make the best of the choices made and the best will come to you. Cheers!

ย being a parent, especially

 being a parent, especially mother, is indeed not easy. happy monther’s day

Hello forum friends, I read

Hello forum friends,

I read this book too some time ago when I was living in Taipei and first became a SAHM. And it really struck a chord with me.

It taught me that life is about making choices and finding peace with your choice.

After 4/5 years of chipping away at this role, my conclusion is that SAHMs by choice can be role models to our daughters too, showing them that self esteem and self worth lies in one’s attitude.

Life at its simplest can be happy and fulfilling if we go about our job, like any other job, with pride and joy, and learn to live in the moment. Give up the other kind of guilt — that of a seeming lack of ambition or competence in not pursuing a career or attempting to `have it all’.

Best part about being a modern, educated woman is that we do have choices. Let’s not kid ourselves. And roles are transitory in a lifetime. SAHM, FTWM, PTWM. We can go through all these roles in one lifetime.  

Thanks.

Thanks, BlurBee and schweppes sista.. this book is really one good read. Cheered me up lots with the ups and downs content on the experiences of mothers of all kinds that are sooo relate-able.

"Whatever our choices are...

"Whatever our choices are… remember we are the backbone that keeps the family in check and in tip-top shape. Regardless of whether one is a briefcase bearer or a stroller pusher, the choices we make are truly for the best interests of our own family. We care enough to make these choices, cause we are – MOMMY. Mother to our children, wives to our husbands … the support behind their success stories and the loving arms for the downfalls… and yet still uniquely our own person."

This is excellent sharing. Enjoyed the read.

I especially love the above (your last para)!!! Its gonna be on my notice board as a constant reminder as to why I am a MOMMY :))))

*hugs* ….. cos we care enuf, abby. *more hugs*

Richie's?

Quote Happy Mama, "Another well-written piece of article, Buds! Hey, so we have another fan of Nicole Richie shades here huh? "

Who else dons it too? Pray tell.. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Dunno if it’s Richie’s or Hilton’s… but the absolute certainty is that the shades does its work covering my owl eyes. Ya, worse than pandas. Hehee..

Heartstrings

Quote QuiteKSMum, "Hey buds,

Another great write-up! I totally agree with everything you said…almost reflects my own life (except for the extra 2 kiddos you have & "unpleasant" ILs). Very happy that you’re in bliss land now – you have finally ku jing gan lai…

Also, CHEERS to all mothers for this coming Mothers’ Day! We all deserve a big pat on our back!"

Thanks for droppin’ me this note.  *hugs* Yes sweetpie… it has been quite a ride awrite.. and yes i AM definitely glad those many crying nights of heart wrenching years have gone by and i can slowly see it as a thing of the past.. and as with anythin’ in past tense, it is something that has been done and over with… finally.

Bliss… hmmm… that… i’m working on it, very hard in fact & every single day. After going to hell and back, i should.. shouldn’t i? It’s my 2nd chance at life and getting it back together… for myself… my children… my renewed relationship with my husband in which he too makes extra effort to rebuild. This i find is important; for it takes two hands to clap.

Cheers to you QuiteKSMum & cheers to all mothers out there! Cheers too to understanding spouses for without you, we mothers can get pretty wonky… hence the liner in the book abt raising and wrangling does pull at my heartstrings.

Great write-up, sista ย Thanks

Great write-up as usual, Buds  Thanks for sharing!!

No wars.

Hi kabalevsky, it is thru’ the many hats that we juggle that help us build the resilience to be the better parents for our children.

In local context, i am inclined to think that most of us co-exist effortlessly lar.. no wars. Hehee.. cos we all do what we gotta do, right? And in doing so, it is only in the best interests of our families. Just a case of different strokes for different folks… that’s all. 

Hiya buds

"Whatever our choices are… remember we are the backbone that keeps the family in check and in tip-top shape. Regardless of whether one is a briefcase bearer or a stroller pusher, the choices we make are truly for the best interests of our own family. We care enough to make these choices, cause we are – MOMMY. Mother to our children, wives to our husbands … the support behind their success stories and the loving arms for the downfalls… and yet still uniquely our own person."

This is excellent sharing.  Enjoyed the read.

I especially love the above (your last para)!!!  Its gonna be on my notice board as a constant reminder as to why I am a MOMMY :))))

 

Another well-written piece of

Another well-written piece of article, Buds! Hey, so we have another fan of Nicole Richie shades here huh?

Thanks for sharing

Thanks for sharing.

Same sentiments too...

Hey buds,

Another great write-up! I totally agree with everything you said…almost reflects my own life (except for the extra 2 kiddos you have & “unpleasant” ILs). Very happy that you’re in bliss land now – you have finally ku jing gan lai…

Also, CHEERS to all mothers for this coming Mothers’ Day! We all deserve a big pat on our back!

can relate to you totally!

 Thanks for sharing Buds!

I just read this last Dec too! What a coincidence. For me, I was having a playdate with a fellow SAHm at SengKang Library. She lives near there. This book was displayed prominently at the parenting shelves, so I was attracted to it and borrowed it.

The very personal accounts by each writer were indeed engaging. Like you, some made me laugh very hard, and some made me tear up. 

I remember one working mom (can’t remember her name now) who organised the best and most wonderful birthday party and summer beach party for her daughter, and invited her relatives who were SAHMs. She always felt she wanted/ needed to prove to them that WOHMs can also cook as well or even better, and that they spend as much quality time with the kids. She always felt they were against her decision to work and she just wanted to show them it was a good decision.

In the end, she realised it need not be like this, a constant comparison or a battle (title of book aptly named Mommy Wars), but that SAHMs, WOHMs or WAHMs are all actually sacrificial, wonderful, loving moms who want the best for their children, and who do give their all, their best to their kids.

Good read indeed.

Like you Buds, I was living with my in laws with my 1st and 2nd sons. I was working full time when ds1 was born. When ds2 came, I managed to shift to a flexi-scheme, but it was still tough for me to juggle all the "hats". 

After an overseas stint of 3 years, I finally worked out how I was the happiest too. So with no. 3 now, I am a happy SAHM. It is tough of course, but joyful, and yes, we’ve also moved out on our own. ๐Ÿ™‚

Like you, I also love teaching (my prev job). I will return when dd is older. For now, I’ll enjoy my time with them at home.

I have mommy friends who work, and they tell me they could never do what I do (eg clean messes up the whole day, lol), because they enjoy their work too much, and anyway they’ll go mad at home. We do whatever suits us best and we co-exist very peacefully and are still best of friends, so there are no "mommy wars" amongst us. ๐Ÿ™‚

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