Reflections on Ourselves As Parents

Hi all,  I attended a funeral today. The deceased had cancer and left behind 2 very young children aged four and seven.  As I saw the husband crying while carrying the younger child and waving goodbye to the coffin as it was pushed to be cremated, I was choked with emotion.

I asked myself this question: "Have I taken my complete family life for granted?"

Many of us are pushing our children to excel academically, that we create tension and stress in the family. In the name of academic excellence and a bright future, we hurt the ones closest to us. Is it all worth it?

At the end of this stressful journey, our children may score 250 or higher for PSLE but that is it, nothing else!  No love, no happiness!

Be thankful we have a complete family, a spouse and children to shower our love onto.

Do not take our loved ones – especially our children – for granted.

Our kids should get into the top schools with their efforts and not with us pushing and overstretching them. They deserve to have a happy childhood.

Thank you for this touching

Thank you for this touching piece. It’s good to remember why we wanted to have a family in the first place – someone to love and cherish. 

A Timely reminder,

A Timely reminder, thanks!

I had two girls myself and one of them is in P2. I must admit i am one of those parents who is very anxious about anything to do with my kids.So much so that, i do sometimes end up hurting her and myself. Luckily, i had my hubby who keeps reminding me about our priority as parents.

Just to share an article, "Why we should Stop fixing our kids".  I use this to remind myself too. http://www.raisingresilientkids.com/resources/articles/stop_fixing.html 

 

Agree. and we should always

I agreed with you. We should give our children happy childhood, a memorable one. So that when they grow up, they can remember and treasure them. Which in turn. they may also know how to provide a happy childhood to their children. In life, is not just about asking them to study, study, study and achieve good results. As parents, we should also balance the children’s life. Time to bond with them, time to play, time to educate etc.

Kids nowadays are very stressful. At young age 4 or 5 years old, they already know what is STRESS.  Just like a friend of mine, sending her 5+year son for the best phonics school, best music lesson in town, chinese lesson, arithmetic class on sat + sun. The poor boy expresses to my friend that he is very stress. He has no time to play, no time for grandparents visit, no time to rest on weekend etc. I pitty the boy. Ultimately, will this boy enjoys learning? I doubt so.  Life is short, no point forcing a young child to that extend, he has no childhood . I always tell my 6 years old daughter, she must enjoy learning and find it FUN. At young age, she is always happy to go to school, to learn and enjoy the funtime she has with her classmates. Even when she is sick, she still LONG to go to school. She always tell me what she enjoys now, she will remember them and share it with her children when she is a mummy.

Your Spouse Deserves Some Love and Concern Too

I agree with you. Some of us may be too engrossed in our roles as good and responsible parents to our kids to the extent that we sometimes forget that our spouses needs some kind concern from us too. Do not take them for granted. Everyone in your family deserves some bandwidth from you.

never too late to show some love

Adore our spouses..Pay homage to our parents..
All too often, we focus too much on our kids, and could "unintentionally" neglect our spouse and parents :p

One common symtom is for us parents to revolve our lives around our kids.
One day, when the kids are mature and have their own lifes, Mummy/Daddy suddenly reaslied there is no common topic to speak about !!

Starting this minute, tell your darling how much you LOVE them. Kiss.

 

 

very touching moment! it is

very touching moment! it is indeed let us reflect ourselves.

Agree...

 

All ‘achievements’ are meaningless without a loving family to share with……

As a parent, I hope to provide my kids with experiences/memories that will bring a smile to their faces  when they reminisce in years to come. Of course, nowadays, their pursuits are more sophisticated and high class than our time’s. My kids have been enjoying uncountable visits to the zoo, birdpark, gardens, parks, picnics, chalets, science centre, night safaris, discovery centre, planetarium, downtown east, ubin, farms, family outings and many other places we just pop by without prior planning. I am always on the lookout for new places to visit (including new shopping centres) and new things to do as a family. Not for the ‘ we’ve been there & done that’ but to enrich their experiences along life’s journey. Family time is very important to me & my husband, including eating dinner together at the same table. My kids got lots of opportunities to go overseas (educational trips) with their school. I maintained a firm – no need to.

We have never use the rod on our kids, never punished or scold them for disappointing exam results. I do nag though that they are putting in so little effort. My stand has always been that as long as they put in effort, I am happy with what they can achieve.  
Anyway, I am a strong believer of BALANCE, no extremist behavior. My life, my kids’ life are not very structured…no time table to follow….don’t have a routine…not forever rushing for time like some families…there’s good & bad about this attitude.
 
 

Thanks for the reminder!

We often forget to treasure the living amongst us and will always regret not spending enough time only when there is a death or illness within the family.

Reminded me once again to treasure my loved ones around.

Just brought my parents to have their favourite jap buffet and could see the happiness and pride in their face when I drove them around and paid for the meal. Think I should do this more often.

The crazy rat race/academic

The crazy rat race/academic race in our society is seriously crippling many family lives. 🙁
While it is impossible to ignore it, we have to try our best not to get sucked into it.

Let’s lavish our kids with hugs and kisses and heap praises upon them while we still can. Do not assume we have the next 10 or 20 yrs to do that. Start doing it today.

Don't forget our parents

Don’t forget our parents too !

It is not that we do not know that we must treasure every minute we have with our families, it is just that we sometime get overwhelm by work, stress, etc and we forgot … thanks for the timely reminder

 

Great reflection of precious time

Yes we are creatures that always live in the future. John Lennon wrote “Life is what happens while were busy making other plans” ~ Apart from this, we have high expectations on ourselves and our children. When we push and shove so much, when we compare our children to other children and when we fail to fully accept their limitations because we want to make ourselves look bigger than we are, we are doing a grave injustice to life ….

Thanks for your thought provoking comments. It takes a death to remind us of life !! Right here and right now ~

Skippy

Visit my blog for more parenting tips!

Totally agree with you !

Totally agree with you ! But sometimes it is really difficult not to put stress on the children given the society we live in.

Agree. and we should always

Agree. and we should always give our child a happy and memorable childhood.
I still remember when i was a small kid, whenever there is a special occassion like Children Day, Mummy would hold my little hand and bring me to the minimart and buy my favourite candies. On national day, she would buy me a little flag for celebration.
These are still very vivid in my mind which i also treasures till date.
Now i have a child of my own, i also do the same things with him, but not only celebrating on special occassions but also on every weekend. A simple dinner together or even a visit to zoo or birdpark. Will the child remember what we have done when he grows up? Im not sure, but for me I sure did remember how happy my childhood was.

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