Magic with my children can come in the form of a simple conversation. Here’s sharing one that happened just hours ago.
I had a lotta stuff running through my mind even before sleeping hours came that even a hawt night cannot help it. I remember falling asleep but was jolted around 3:45am. Tossed and turned on the bed yet still unable to fall back to sleep till like 4:30am. I decided to go to the girls’ room and see if i could get a sniff of them and get back to sleep. Since DD1 was recovering from high fever yesterday, i decided to give her more space to breathe so i tucked in beside DD2.
DD2 : Mum… is that you? (Night light was off)
Me : Yes sweetie, it’s me. Sorry to wake you.
DD2 : No you didn’t wake me. It’s ok. What happened?
DD2 : Had a bad dream?
Me : Hmmm… kinda. And i can’t go back to sleep.
DD2 : Ssh.. ssh.. it’s okay now. I’m here for you. (tapping me)
Me : Thanks darling.. i appreciate that.
DD2 : No thank you-s needed Mummy. Don’t mention it.
DD2 : You are always here for me so i will always be here for you too.
Me : Aaaww sweetie, that’s very nice to know. (heart aching now)
DD2 : Did you tell Daddy about it.. did you wake him.. to tell about your dream.. or tell him you can’t sleep?
Me : No i didn’t. I don’t think i should. Why do you ask?
DD2 : Well, i’m just asking. It’s good that you didn’t or else Daddy will not be able to go back to sleep and will not have enough rest, how is he going to go to work tomorrow. Then he will be cranky.
Me : Yeah, you’re quite right there sweetie.
DD2 : You still can’t sleep yet, Mummy? (sensing some movement)
Me : Yeah.. a lil’ problem. Cos of the things running through my mind..
DD2 : You must sleep cause you have to take care of jie-jie (feverish). I don’t need enough sleep now, it’s ok. I am in afternoon session so i can still go back to sleep and wake up a little later than usual. You must have enough rest, Mummy. Ssh.. ssh.. (now she is stroking my hair so gently that tears are starting to well up in my eyes)
DD2 : Mummy, can you lift your head up for awhile?
Me : Ok.
DD2 : Here, dry your tears and blow your nose, Mummy. Later, you cannot breathe properly, how to go back to sleep? See, luckily i kept one pack of pocket tissue underneath my pillow.
Me : Thanks darling, now go back to sleep too yah..
DD2 : Ok. But not until YOU go back to sleep first.
DD2 began singing our special go-to-sleep song i created that i had been singing each time they took a nap or went to bed at night.. since they were both babies. My tears just kept on flowing now… the floodgates just opened.
DD2 : Ssh ssh.. "Close your eyes and go to sleep and we will sing tomorrow…. (then she hummed the rest of the song to lull me to sleep)
She whispered, "I love you Mummy. And i will always be here for you. Don’t worry, with me here the bad dreams will go away. God will also protect us."
DD2 hugged me to sleep, whispering sweet nothings and hummed till i really slept i suppose, cos the next thing i realised they were both outside watching TV with very low volume. The last thing i heard her whisper to my ears was. "Luckily you have me, right Mummy… ssh ssh sshh.. you sleep now, i’m here."
DD2 ever asked about how she came to this world. I mentioned in casual passing that we never intended to have her. We thought we’d have one first which meant only jie-jie… then see how we would cope. But we sorta accidentally (unplanned) had her. And when she asked how she was as a baby, we told her that she was a very naughty baby, refused to sleep, so hard to fall asleep, always wanted to be carried… (etc). But she was just so super chubby and cute and she was nevertheless a gift from God for us.. We loved her anyways… that as she grew older she became more and more our little angel… and at times the mischievous little monkey as well.
So from that day on, whenever she CAN do something nice or something right, she never failed to remind us that her existence did bring us happiness.
As an educator, i believed children are always listening… even though at times we think they’re not. This magical wee hours of this morning just proved to me she listened and absorbed and understood what i’ve been telling her since she was little… she used the exact same words i used to pacify her when she cried or when she felt sad… and to hear her say, that she would always be here for me was the best thing she could’ve said today.
It calmed me down enough to go back to sleep. This was one morning i knew that my staying home was more than just sacrifice. It was this magic that was brewing all the while awaiting to be cast upon. The magic i shared with my DD2.
"Mummy loves you DD2, you’re my one and only little angelic monkey."