All this while I know that our destiny 命 is kind of fixed. It is fixed mainly by our character (nature part, determined by the main star/s in the Life Plate) accompanied by influences of the overall environment (nurture part).
However, I am also aware that we can change our destiny to a certain extent (改运).
There is no other ways to change our destiny except by keep habouring good thoughts and doing good deeds in our life. Every single kind thought or kind action brings positive karma points while every unkind thought or unkind action brings negative karma points (shared before, the whole essence of NLP somehow is related to this abstract thing).
What is the easiest way to score many positive points?
Well, it’s by being filial to our own parents (incl spouse’s parents) as well as being respectful to other old people around us. Take for example, being kind to someone may give one 10 positive points, but being kind to parents can give 100 points. So, it is ‘easier to score points just by being kind to our own parents. (I’m writing this a bit like ‘mercenary/accounting/business’ style but the idea is never such).
Conversely speaking, the fastest way to lose the positive points and gain more negative points is to be rude and unkind to our parents (incl spouse’s parents). One rude remark or even a hidden negative thought can set one back with many negative points in multiplier effect (that’s why in my earlier post, I stated filial must be uniform internally and externally within a person, else it’s fake = negative points).
百善以孝为先. If one cannot fulfill this basic part of being a human, then even with a good Life Plate it will also turn bad and if with a bad Life Plate, it will turn ever worst. (I know there are parents who are unfit to be parents, such as those fathers raping their daughters. But I shall not go into that else I cannot finish writing this thread).
It is important for a house to be filled with as many positive points as possible and a person to be surrounded by as many positive points as possible. Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to try to control their temper as much as possible and to avoid nagging, scolding, quarreling, etc at home (concept of 家和万事兴、家衰口不停）. All these breed negative points within a home and with more and more negative points, even good stars that are supposed to be shining bright will be dimmed by all the negativities in the house = most if not all at home suffer from moodiness, low spirit, etc, and thereby breeding more negative points – vicious cycle.
For those who know me will know that I am someone who believes that parenting can be ‘effortless’ and I really do believe so.
To raise good kids, one just has to be a good person with good temper, be filial, and be kind to everyone around him/her (even towards those whom you don’t like). This will generate positive points in a person and in the family and then such points will rub on the children and they will also generate positive points = very positive family with minimal issues. NEVER expect kids to do things that you can’t even achieve yourself, such as to be patient when you yourself never really demonstrate patience in a consistent manner.
So, to have good kids means you just have to be a good person. Is that easy or difficult?
For those who have kids who are difficult to teach /defiant / rebellious have to reflect deeply themselves from where the kids’ negative points are from and perhaps try to mend their ways 改过 (which is something that many of us always want our kids to do when they make mistakes but we seldom look at ourselves and tell ourselves we must改过).
To change a child ‘effortlessly’, you can look into the major areas of your relationship with yourself (are you happy inside or you are harbouring grievances while serving the family?), your relationship with your spouse (you respecting your spouse? talking to him/her nicely? etc), your relationship with your parents (have you been giving them money or you have been spending all your money only for your family only?), and your relationship with your parents-in-laws. Improve in these major areas that you are lagging and then miraculously you can find your child changing. (note: other non major areas but also important are your relationships with your siblings, friends, colleagues，and strangers. You dont help your siblings? You betray your friends? You backstabbing your colleagues? You purposely close the lift door quickly when you can see someone is approaching the lift? etc)
Overall, kids are quite innocent coz they don’t really generate many positive or negative points. It is we adults who begin the ‘engine’ to generate, then rubbed onto them and then we complain and complain about how difficult they are to manage when we are the source of their troubles… (from the sharing of many forummers here, roughly I can tell who will have kids who will be good <allow me to single out 3boys whom I trust his sharings are genuine over the years> and who will have kids who will suffer when they grow up; the way I know how my niece will suffer if my sis insists that she doesn’t need to change).