For local parents who have been funding sports training for their children, you may have noticed the online chatter about school coaches encouraging students to take up private training. 

Perhaps you have faced this situation yourself, if your children are passionate about a sport. Or you may have heard about the high cost of student sports training from other parents. Hourly rates for sports coaches vary, but it’s not uncommon to hear of coaches charging over S$100 per hour or per session. Imagine this: if a child attends two-hour training sessions five times a week, this could amount to a weekly fee of S$1,000, and a hefty five-figure sum in a year.

In such scenarios, parents are often left to decide for themselves if these practices are acceptable. More often than not, raising concerns with the school could cause tensions that one would rather avoid. Alternatively, a parent could withdraw their child from the training system, but this also means depriving the child of an opportunity to shine — a difficult decision to make, especially if the child has a clear talent.

Given a choice, many parents who can afford the training fees might prefer to maintain the status quo, to wholeheartedly focus on supporting their child’s sports development. This usually results in a significant investment of both money and time, which makes it painful when a primary schooler decides they are no longer keen to continue with the sport in secondary school.

So, what should you do if your child wants to give up a sport that the whole family has dedicated so much effort to? Read on for our suggestions!

1. Address common challenges in sports training

Below are typical scenarios that your child might have faced during intensive sports training:

Situation 1: Your child was yelled at by a fierce coach, and now feels anxious about going to practice.

• Approach: Begin by talking with your child about the incident, to understand how it made them feel. Reassure them that their feelings are valid. Next, consider arranging a private meeting with the coach to express your concerns. If the coach is receptive to hearing from you, this can be a positive step. If not, it may be necessary to explore other coaching options, or find a different team where your child can feel safe and supported. To empower your child, involve them in the decision-making process.
• Questions to Ask: “How did the coach’s yelling make you feel? Do you think talking to the coach about how you felt could help? Would you prefer we look for a new coach?”

Situation 2: Your child is upset because they were mocked by teammates.

• Approach: Start by letting them know it’s okay to feel hurt. Emphasise the importance of a supportive environment, and discuss ways to address the issue. This could involve arranging a meeting with the coach to give feedback on the incident, and requesting that they foster a more respectful team culture. If the coach is unresponsive or the environment remains toxic, explore other teams or training groups where your child can continue their sport in a positive and encouraging atmosphere.
  
• Questions to Ask: “What happened when you were laughed at? Did anyone stand up for you, or did the coach address it? What do you think you can gain by going back for training?”

Situation 3: Your child says they no longer enjoy the sport, because it’s too demanding.

• Approach: First, acknowledge your child’s feelings. Reflect on whether the current level of competition is appropriate for their age and development. Discuss the possibility of reducing the intensity of their training, or finding a less competitive league where they can still participate and enjoy the sport — without the pressure. 
• Questions to Ask: “What changed about the sport that made it less enjoyable for you? Is there another activity you’re more interested in?”

2. Discuss if it’s better to push through, or give up

There may not always be a clear indication of the ‘best’ way forward. Here are some factors to consider:

Step 1: Find out if your child’s feelings are consistent. Is there a root cause?

• Approach: If your child has felt negative about the sport for a long period, it may indicate a deeper issue. Understanding the specific reasons behind their feelings can help determine if they are experiencing a temporary challenge, or if there are more significant issues at play.
• Questions to Ask: “How long have you been feeling this way about the sport? What specifically about the sport or training is making you unhappy? Are there parts that you still enjoy?”

Step 2: Assess the impact on their well-being

• Approach: Consider if the sport is causing significant stress or physical discomfort. If the stress is severe and persistent, it may be time to reconsider their involvement. But if the stress is moderate and manageable, it might be a roadblock that helps build resilience. To determine the severity, look for physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues, as well as signs of anxiety or depression.
• Questions to Ask: “Do you feel anxious or bored during practice? Do you ever feel sick, tired, or have trouble sleeping because of the sport? Are there specific moments or events that make you feel this way, like competitions?”

Step 3: Reflect on goals and aspirations

• Approach: Align the decision with your child’s broader goals and interests. If the sport is a crucial part of their future aspirations, it might be worth working through the challenges. However, if it no longer aligns with their interests and goals, it’s probably time to move on.
• Questions to Ask: “What do you think will happen if you keep playing the sport? What about if you stop? How does playing or quitting the sport fit with what you want to do in the future? 

3. Explore alternative hobbies

If your child really wants to quit the sport, it’s important to involve them in other activities that keep them engaged and active, to avoid a sense of emptiness or boredom. 

• Questions to Ask: “Is there another sport or activity that you’ve been wanting to try? What else makes you excited or happy? Without training, how would you like to keep fit? What are some fun physical activities that we can do as a family?

Want more advice from other sports parents? Join the conversation on the KiasuParents forum!