Working With Teens

I am more for training kids independent in their study as young as P1… (need to be very hard hearted to see how they grow from blur blur to knowing how to take up responsibility of their own bag of books/knowledge). Therefore, I am also someone who is not for tuition unless absolutely necessary (not that kind who agrees in sending kids to tuition even their kids are in the above 70th percentile range. To me, tuition = crutches = difficult for kids to be independent and so don’t give unless necessary).

My experience with having my two teenage kids is from Sec 1, they are beginning to really have a mind of their own (beginning to have a better sense of self identity). Those without a strong resilience will follow what the lifestyle / pattern of their close friends. By mid sec 2 and early sec 3, not much need to coach anymore coz you may try to coach until cow comes home but in their minds, they are thinking of their ‘own’ ways to do things. By then, more or less their ‘path’ is set – either they want to do it or they don’t and I feel at this point, they have to find their own way towards success or failure (but not so good in studies doesn’t equate a failure in life as I have seen many academically inclined kids unable to lead a happy life. Many times, 平凡是幸福的).

Being like a friend/confidente to teenage children is the key to strong parent-child relationship. Still put one as if I am the mum and you are the child will force kids not to disclose their problems (whether they having boy-girl relationship problems, pregnancy, etc). If my daughter ever got pregnant one day, I want to be the one to help her solve the problem, be it abortion or giving birth and then arrange for adoption or whatever instead of she trying to ‘solve’ her own problems (she has a classmate who was pregnant and ran into a lot of troubles…)

At around Sec 3, the inquisitive about sex is on the mind of most teenagers. So, it’s either you discuss with them openly or you shun the topic and let them go discover themselves.


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