Any parents here ever felt pressurized by others?

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Funz
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Post by Funz » Mon Aug 02, 2010 4:27 pm

:!: I feel pressurized by Tamarind. :wink:

She's FTWM yet is able to coach her kids well in both English and Chinese and yet have time to update her very detailed blog.

Me, I am struggling just to remember when DD will be having her spelling and tingxie. And I myself need help with my chinese, how to coach DD. :P

Don't mind, Tam, just teasing you.

At times, I do kinda feel inadequate and will wonder if my kids are on par and if I should do more or send them for some additional stuff. But I will take a deep breath and look at my kids, they are not lagging, they are well adjusted, they are generally happy and healthy, what more can I ask for. And a pat on my own shoulder, somewhere amidst all the fumbling and stumbling, I must have done something right. And I will feel okay. Until the next time I read about some kid the same age as my kids can do this and that or some parents is doing this and that and I will ask myself again, am I doing enough?

daisyt
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Post by daisyt » Mon Aug 02, 2010 4:52 pm

Yes, sometimes I do. I personally feel that, a little pressure can push ourselves to achieve something more, too much, its not healthy.

In general, kids nowadays are more competitive in most areas. Due to the school environment, due to their character, due to society. Its like, when you see your peers are so good, naturally, you won't let yourself slack.

I know, there are some of dd's friends in better IP schools and some in better Sec schools. When compare, the better IP ones are very competitive while the others in better Sec schools ones, are not so. I guess it also depends on the family background. I was telling her, some of them, their career path are already planned.

I like this poem of 唐伯虎- 桃花庵歌. I feel, sometimes, to let go a bit, its not a bad thing. To let go, doesn't mean its a failure. Its just another way to appreciate life, to understand life. We cannot keep compare, take pressure and force ourselves to be as good as others.

桃花坞里桃花庵,桃花庵下桃花仙
桃花仙人种桃树,又摘桃花换酒钱。
酒醒只在花前坐,酒醉还来花下眠
半醒半醉日复日,花落花开年复年。
但愿老死花酒间,不愿鞠躬车马前;
车尘马足富者趣,酒盏花枝贫者缘。
若将富贵比贫者,一在平地一在天;
若将贫贱比车马,他得驱驰我得闲。
别人笑我太疯癫,我笑他人看不穿;
不见五陵豪杰墓,无花无酒锄作。

LOLMum
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Post by LOLMum » Mon Aug 02, 2010 5:26 pm

sometimes i will tell dh that i want my next car to be a bmw, a new hermes bag etc. but after a day or two, i will forget about them. all talk and no action.

am lucky to have friends who have $ but maintain a low key, simple lifestyle so there is no "see i have got a bigger, more expensive set of wheels, bubbles or etc etc".

but friends did complained (in a joking manner) that i am sending my kids to too few enrichment classes which resulted in their kids asking why they have to do so when we are not. :lol:

as to schools, i believe it is really up to what the parents want.

i rather spend the $ on a good holiday, nice food and good books.

i3mum
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Post by i3mum » Mon Aug 02, 2010 5:35 pm

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a "normal-doing" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?

I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel "pressurized". And she also commented that her kids will eventually "sense" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

tamarind
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Post by tamarind » Mon Aug 02, 2010 5:40 pm

Funz wrote::!: I feel pressurized by Tamarind. :wink:

She's FTWM yet is able to coach her kids well in both English and Chinese and yet have time to update her very detailed blog.

Me, I am struggling just to remember when DD will be having her spelling and tingxie. And I myself need help with my chinese, how to coach DD. :P

Don't mind, Tam, just teasing you.

At times, I do kinda feel inadequate and will wonder if my kids are on par and if I should do more or send them for some additional stuff. But I will take a deep breath and look at my kids, they are not lagging, they are well adjusted, they are generally happy and healthy, what more can I ask for. And a pat on my own shoulder, somewhere amidst all the fumbling and stumbling, I must have done something right. And I will feel okay. Until the next time I read about some kid the same age as my kids can do this and that or some parents is doing this and that and I will ask myself again, am I doing enough?

:wink: Every child is different. Some kids can do well without any help, but some kids require special attention in order to do well. So long as parents think that their kids are fine, then there is no need to feel pressurized by others.


tamarind
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Post by tamarind » Mon Aug 02, 2010 5:50 pm

i3mum wrote:Just to ask anyone, if you are from a "normal-doing" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?

I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel "pressurized". And she also commented that her kids will eventually "sense" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

Personally, I feel that it is difficult for a 7 year old child to understand why his friends can go to Japan,USA, etc for holidays, but he can only go to Kuala Lumpur. He will feel unhappy, unless he is be very matured, but how many matured kids are there ?

If your child is very matured and knows that there is no point comparing, then it is fine to send to an elite school.

I want my kids to understand that there are rich and poor people in the world. I make it a point to find books about children living in extreme poverty and starvation, and I let my kids read these books so that they don't take what they have for granted.

Other parents may not share the same opinions. So there is really no right or wrong, it is all up to the parents.

daisyt
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Post by daisyt » Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:01 pm

tamarind wrote:
i3mum wrote:Just to ask anyone, if you are from a "normal-doing" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?

I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel "pressurized". And she also commented that her kids will eventually "sense" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

Personally, I feel that it is difficult for a 7 year old child to understand why his friends can go to Japan,USA, etc for holidays, but he can only go to Kuala Lumpur. He will feel unhappy, unless he is be very matured, but how many matured kids are there ?

If your child is very matured and knows that there is no point comparing, then it is fine to send to an elite school.

I want my kids to understand that there are rich and poor people in the world. I make it a point to find books about children living in extreme poverty and starvation, and I let my kids read these books so that they don't take what they have for granted.

Other parents may not share the same opinions. So there is really no right or wrong, it is all up to the parents.
I have the same thinking as tamarind.

Sometimes, I feel, its good to let the child has some disappointment. The urge of wanting but cannot afford. The feeling of others are better doing but we are not. Ultimately, its a lesson all have to learn, either young time at schooling or when at work. Its better to learn it early than when out to work, they would do all kinds of things to get what they crave for and want. Its also important to understand "Life is unfair and things don't come easily". When we are comparing with the better, our life seems unfair. But when we compare with the worse, who is fairer?

daisyt
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Post by daisyt » Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:09 pm

i3mum wrote:Just to ask anyone, if you are from a "normal-doing" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?

I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel "pressurized". And she also commented that her kids will eventually "sense" it as they grow older.


What are your views?
I belongs to that normal doing category and my child was in this school with many rich families. This thought never come to my mind when I decided to put her there. Neither did I realised got such thing until when she was about P3. I overheard two kids comparing what type of cars their fathers had. Actually, everything was fine. A little comparasion here and there are unavoidable, just have to explain and make them understand, every family is different.

singmathstutor
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Post by singmathstutor » Mon Aug 02, 2010 10:48 pm

i3mum wrote:Just to ask anyone, if you are from a "normal-doing" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?

I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel "pressurized". And she also commented that her kids will eventually "sense" it as they grow older.


What are your views?
Personally, I've heard of children in elite schools comparing their branded shoes or parent's cars and ostracizing those who don't belong to this elite group of high income parents. This is really sad.....For me, a good neighbourhood school minus all the snobbishness will do.

mango
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Post by mango » Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:01 pm

i3mum wrote:Just to ask anyone, if you are from a "normal-doing" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?

I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel "pressurized". And she also commented that her kids will eventually "sense" it as they grow older.


What are your views?
remind me of this relative who got into the top boy sec school but refused to let his hawker father drive him to school in his pickup.

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