Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

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verykiasu2010
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Post by verykiasu2010 » Tue Oct 05, 2010 12:42 pm

mummyjoyce wrote:my 1st maid (the best) left after 6 yrs with me. I told my kids in advance explaining to them and also teaching them at the same times.
Will not be so dramatic and if the maid is good; you can also plan for 1-2 weeks earlier for the new maid to arrive at home for training by the old maid.


this part depends on situation

some stuck up peacock will not take instruction / advice from the out-going maid

but usually we only permit overlapping period if the out-going maid is good and is trustworthy to "train" the incoming new maid, to lessen the instructing time from the resident maid

so far we had 3 maids for 14 years and only for the recent change we had an overlapping period ..... it really saved us lots of time from repeating instructions every 4 or 5 years ......
Last edited by verykiasu2010 on Tue Oct 05, 2010 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Funz
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Post by Funz » Tue Oct 05, 2010 12:55 pm

My current maid who has been with us for 5yrs oredi will be going home to get married next year. She is our only maid so far and she was here since DS was a baby and DD 2yrs old.

We do talk to the kids about her going back and she does show them pictures of her family and her fiance. We talk pretty openly about the day that she will be going back and that there will be a new kakak or even no kakak at all. Well kids being kids, they get excited about her getting married and moving into her new house and about what she will be doing since she will no longer be working for us. Guess the reality of her not being part of their daily life has not sunk in yet.

DesertWind
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Post by DesertWind » Tue Oct 05, 2010 6:30 pm

Hi mamamiyah,

I suspect your 2 yo will be "out of sight, out of mind". Mine did when he was 2 yo and maid went back for holidays. The first 2 days he was looking for her in the kitchen and after that, he "forgot" until he saw her again 2 weeks later and became quite shy!

But for your 5 yo, he will remember already and will feel the impact the most. So you must explain to him early and manage the separation as gently as possible. Not sure how you can make them less detached though if they are sleeping in same room....
:celebrate:

MMM
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Post by MMM » Tue Oct 05, 2010 6:45 pm

Our 1st maid worked with us for 5 years as well. So my 1st 2 kids were 4 and 5 years old when she wanted to go home to get married.

We will always tell them so and so is going back to kampung kampung,etc... My son was extremely close to her as she took care of him since he was a NB.

But on the day of departure, we choose not to bring them along as I heard that some kids can be really drama during the farewell.

I recalled that after we came back from airport and told the kids that she has gone home. My son's 1st response was "Who is going to cook for us tonight?". He was K1 then. So though he was close to her, in his eyes, she is probably someone who will cook and take care of him that's all.

I agree with another forumner, out of sight, out of mind.

carebear
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Post by carebear » Tue Oct 05, 2010 8:10 pm

Mamaiya, no need to let your kids know that the maid is leaving cos kids at that age don't think about what to next in the future. On the day the maid is leaving just tell them she is going home to her family and that they will get a new auntie.
My first maid was with me for 8 years, but fortunately, I had the luxury of taking care of my kids most of the time, so the kids were not the least affected by her departure. From young, I told them that auntie is here to earn money for her family, just like mommy go out to earn money, and ultimately it is one's own family that is most important.
I was the one most affected by her impending departure. But when she left and the new and enthusiastic maid came, the sadness vanished almost immediately!


monmon31
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Post by monmon31 » Tue Oct 05, 2010 8:47 pm

MMM wrote:Our 1st maid worked with us for 5 years as well. So my 1st 2 kids were 4 and 5 years old when she wanted to go home to get married.

We will always tell them so and so is going back to kampung kampung,etc... My son was extremely close to her as she took care of him since he was a NB.

But on the day of departure, we choose not to bring them along as I heard that some kids can be really drama during the farewell.

I recalled that after we came back from airport and told the kids that she has gone home. My son's 1st response was "Who is going to cook for us tonight?". He was K1 then. So though he was close to her, in his eyes, she is probably someone who will cook and take care of him that's all.

I agree with another forumner, out of sight, out of mind.


Like all of you I had a maid for 6 years arriving 2 wks before my DS came into the world. When she left, we brought our son to send her off. She had been a good maid and was sad to see her leave but happy that she is going back to get married. We nvr had another maid after that. At the airport, I cried so much but he never shed a single tear.

Even after 1 year she left, she stills call up to enquire about our wellbeing and also called my DS on his birthday. My DS was very close to her and up to today he will ask to go to Minadao to visit kakah...it is not out of side out of mind. Maybe it is just the way individual kids behave.

Gecko
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Post by Gecko » Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:22 pm

Wow, Good Thread...

Because my helper of 5.5 years will be leaving end of Nov 10. She has been with us since my DS was a mth old and my DD1 2. [my DD2 is 3 mths]

We are going thru a prolonged "handing and taking" over period for the last 3 mths we were operating with 2 helpers [1st is Phil, new one is from Myanmar]. Hopefully by the time the older one leaves, the new on would knowour habits etc.

Stressful time for DW & I.

Gecko

Breadandmuffins
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helper leaving

Post by Breadandmuffins » Wed Oct 06, 2010 6:12 pm

Hi
My helper also leaving end Nov 10 too after 7 yrs. She came when my no.2 was born. Thereafter, I had 2 more and these are the two who are very attached to her. I have already told all 4 of them recently and I can only say that the 4yr old would be the one who will miss her terribly as he always look for her for "shelter" when I punished him. The 2yr old may not understand yet until the reality sinks in. As for the two older ones, I think they understand it quite well and I told them they would be the "auntie" to help me on household chores....ha ha. We planned to bring all of them to airport for a meal and to send her off.

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Post by KS_me » Wed Oct 06, 2010 7:07 pm

Sounds exactly like mine.... I sent off my maid of 7 years too 2 years back. Terrible experience for the past 2 maids after her departure until I got this current one (the 3rd)...

I bought her a gold bangle as her wedding gift (as she's going home to get marry & to settle down). As a token of appreciation after all these years, we paid her 1 extra month.

We had a meal with her at the airport and bid goodbye to her...
I & my elder cried like a baby... (my hb took photographs of us with red swallon eyes and had it mailed over to her) as I had her during my pregnancy for my first child, I treated her like my younger sister. We really cant bare the separation at that moment... Till to-date, we're still in contact with her via phone.. sms.. letters from my elder son.

While I'm happy that she's now married with a daughter and lead a happy life there :)

justlynne
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maid in singapore

Post by justlynne » Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:01 pm

hi there,

wanted to share with you my personal experience. same thing happened to me in jan. i had a maid for close to 6 years and helped us alot, taking care of my dad and my eldest boy since he was a kid. she had to leave due to some family matters and it was quite sudden.

my kid was just 5 then and he just cried and cried for a whole 1 month almost. i took the approach of telling him that she has own family and stuff so she has to take care of her own family now. but i helped him keep in touch with her through phone calls twice a month. what to do? good maids are hard to come by!

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