Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

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reiann
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by reiann » Mon Apr 15, 2019 10:15 am

This is an old thread, but I really need some cathartic writing and release. Also, it helps tremendously to read some of your writing here, as I can't seem to find much on employers' feelings when their helpers return home. All I get when I googled was a bunch of maid abuse stories, or 'horror stories' of maids doing 'stuff'/running away.

Like some of you who posted above...
My helper of 2 years left yesterday, not just because the contract was up (she wanted to continue working), but because of circumstances back home, she needed to return for her young son's sake. When I found out the news a few months ago I was already heartbroken, but went on to get a replacement helper. The new helper had an overlap of a week...

My kids said goodbye to her last night just before they went to bed, while I was sobbing my eyes out. I was and am surprised by my own emotions, that I am so affected. I suppose the last two years with me, she has became my ally, my partner in crime in raising the children, and we sure did have our ups and downs! But gosh I am so, so affected and am so down about her leaving. I know she needs to go home, and she has my full blessings, but we will all miss her so much. The kids haven't really missed her yet; we have been prepping them from the start, that she has to return home soon. But I suppose kids doesn't understand the permanence of things... ah well.

I wish more of you could share your feelings/emotions and stories here, of your dear helpers who have been such great help and bonded with the families over the years! I definitely needed this space to share this, and to cry a bit more (ahhh I'm doing this at work, ugh, my sore eyes!)

:(

Cornishcay
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by Cornishcay » Mon Apr 15, 2019 4:54 pm

Hi Reiann,

Thanks for reviving this post. I am reading it today as my helper of 3.5 years gave us her resignation yesterday and I am heart broken.

She had been with us since our girl was 7months young. And like many had mentioned they are like our comrades through the tough times. She even remembers my girl's skin care cream and itchiness issues better than I do. We travelled together to Macau, Penang and many weekends in HK Ocean Parks together.

However she is choosing to go unite with her sister who applied a job for her in Canada. The job conditions are so much better and her possibility of spending weekend with her sister is not something that HK can offer, hence I understand her reason to go. But it saddens me that she has all these in mind without some heads up to me, in fact just 2 weeks ago, she agreed she is going to continue the 3 contract. Then this happen...

She was actually applying to go Canada, then why don't tell us. We had been very open about our relationship, like friend and treat her like our family.

Well, I'm getting pass the stage of all these questioning and self doubt and just want to give her my blessings.

She has been a wonderful help and much like our family staying with us in Malaysia and Singapore over cny or even travelling from Malaysia back to HK with my daughter and my Mom.

What left now is some sadness. Sadness that it will be so different without her and wonder how to let the news out to my daughter and then it is the day of good bye.

How many times she had seen me cry over home family issues, baby issues and now crying over her letter... She is a friend afterall.

Just want to post here... And if anyone wanna comment, or advise, feel free.. :)

Joanne25
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by Joanne25 » Fri May 31, 2019 10:00 am

It's hard to find a faithful maid nowadays and it's even harder if you have found one and will leave you for good. The bond you have will never be replaced. But for cases like this you have no choice but to let go.. as for those who are left behind, with the technology that we have I think you'll be able to still communicate with each other until the time comes that they have accepted she's far away now. Time heal all wounds, you just have to be patient.

penmighty
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by penmighty » Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:00 pm

it's time to let go means it's time. It's inevitable that one day your maid will leave. Question is only when

the only time I heard of maids not leaving is when some family member marries the maid. very bizarre.

Rachel572
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by Rachel572 » Tue Jun 04, 2019 9:12 am

We have to accept the fact that maids one day will soon leave your family for so many reasons. Even the most faithful one. There's only once chance the maid will not leave if she don't have a family anymore, I guess. And yes, penmighty you're right when a family member marries the maid.


iceywind88
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by iceywind88 » Sat Jun 08, 2019 12:43 pm

lol marrying a maid :/

daphlau
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by daphlau » Tue Jun 11, 2019 10:38 am

penmighty wrote:
Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:00 pm
it's time to let go means it's time. It's inevitable that one day your maid will leave. Question is only when

the only time I heard of maids not leaving is when some family member marries the maid. very bizarre.
:yikes:

brainstorm21
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by brainstorm21 » Wed Jun 19, 2019 5:26 pm

The thought of that makes me feel sad already...

Katherin22
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by Katherin22 » Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:02 am

brainstorm21 wrote:
Wed Jun 19, 2019 5:26 pm
The thought of that makes me feel sad already...
Agree! It's hard to say goodbye to a person when you are already comfortable with here being around.. some are hard to replace and these days it is very difficult to find faithful maids..

nxh16
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Re: Faithful maid leaving, should I let my kids know?

Post by nxh16 » Fri Jun 21, 2019 9:58 am

i hired a helper after the confinement lady for my firstborn left, the decision was totally unexpected as we didnt expect two adults not being able to handle a baby. Our helper came, stayed on for 5.5 years and saw me through 2 other subsequent births ( including a pair of twins). She had been more than just help to us, she supported my breastfeeding journey for all my 4 kids ( i breastfed them all for at least 1 year) and encouraged me when my supply was low or when i dosed off during my night pumping sessions. She was older than me , already a mother of 2 teenager boys and was very experienced when it came to handling kids. However, she respected my wishes and never gone against what i wanted her to do. She could voice her reservations and left it to me to decide. When my husband or 1 traveled for work, she would step up and take good care of the kids so that we would feel less miserable having to be away. She was already like family to us, we let her go home every year when we take our long vacation so that she can spend time with her kids and even brought her along to some of our shorter vacations.

She had asked to return for her son's graduation this April and we let her do so. However, she didnt return since then. Long story short, she just disappeared and we were so worried that something may have happened to her. if it's truly so, we wanted to be able to help her sons at least as she is widowed given that she had helped our family so much. We tried means to locate her but failed and her last seen on WA coincided with the message she sent me to tell me she had reached manila and her flight home was delayed. We found out that she took the plane ride from singapore to manila but failed to board the one from manila back to her hometown, her luggage was still at the hometown airport when we last contacted the airline. For the first few days since her sudden departure, i cried as i cook, shower as i feared something bad may have happened to her. To me, i dont know if the departure was planned, if it was then i wondered what could i have done more for her or rather what did we not do right, if it wasnt all i wanted to know was that she is fine. I told her that the day she decided to call it a day and go home, we would give her a sum of gratuity to go home. Now that i cannot do this, i just feel so sad. I have been very jaded about helpers ever since she left, i felt so broken within. My firstborn was so devasted when she knew that auntie didnt return and she cried so many days before she stopped.

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