Talking about Death ...

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Talking about Death ...

Postby UncleLim » Fri Feb 03, 2012 2:20 pm

Have you tried talking to or discussing with your kids about death?

I did it and also dictated how the funeral is going to be. Not sure if my wishes will be followed, but at least we talked about it. :wink:

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby UncleLim » Fri Feb 03, 2012 2:41 pm

Hi Insider, yes I do mean both death and specifically "my death". My wife does not like it when I bring up such taboo topics but I do it anyway. :wink:

Other than specifying the "party" programme, I discussed with them how to "manage" me in my final days as well as what their responsibilities will be such as looking after their mother (my wife).

I am in the midst of managing my late father's estate, so I can also impart to them how the process works and how not to let money cause strife among them.

They are taking it well except for my DD who got a bit emotional.. :cry:

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby Oppsgal » Fri Feb 03, 2012 3:45 pm

insider wrote:You referring to discussing generally about 'death' or about what you want them to do after your 'death'?

I talked to kids death in general when they were about 7 years old.

I told them about what I want after my death when they were about 13...

I want:

1) 3 days of funeral to get all my friends together to party (beer and wine to be served!)

2) ash to be dispersed in the sea (but my daughter asked me to give her a choice on this as to whether to keep the ash. She said too cruel for me to leave nothing for her to 'visit'...)

3) definitely to be buried as a Buddhist and nothing else.

4) once doc pronounces I brain dead, plug off all life supporting equipment and let me go (don't keep me. According to my belief, people who are on life supporting machines with a brain dead condition still can't die coz the living ones are still urging him/her to stay. Also, it is a big sin to unplug a life without his/her consent even under brain dead condition. So, I give my consent to them now to spare them the sin.)

My latest reading is a book 生死学. Interesting book that talks about the marginal moment before one crosses to the other side of 'life'...


brain dead= vegetable :?

What if half dead? Like half can move, half cannot?

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby HopeandSorrows » Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:59 pm

insider wrote:
Oppsgal wrote:
brain dead= vegetable :?

What if half dead? Like half can move, half cannot?


half-dead condition - gotta depend on that one who is suffering...

I am not against Euthanasia as long as that someone consents... (I will not give my consent to let my kids end my life when I am 'only' half dead in the event I unconscious. Consent will be to the extent that doc assesses minimal chance of recovery if I ever fall into a coma but yet not to the extent of a 'brain dead' situation. Emm...what's 'minimal chance'? Probably I will define it as anything below 20% or coma for more than 6 months then can let me go...)


Does Singapore allows euthanasia?

I once joked with my son what if one day mummy died. He just say "choy! touch wood touch wood! Mummie will chang ming bai sui". :heresmyfish:

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby MadScientist » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:29 am

Hi UncleLim!

Long time! Hope all is well... Interesting topic... I should embark on it some day soon. Had always told my kids that I will be there for them, until the day I cannot, so they should still better learn to be independent.



Dear insider,
Am very sorry to learn of what happened to you father. It is heart wrenching and not an easy time.

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby concern2 » Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:17 am

MadScientist wrote:Dear insider,
Am very sorry to learn of what happened to you father. It is heart wrenching and not an easy time.


Yes..*sob..sob..*

DH likes to talk about death cos he likes to stress how important it is for the kids to learn independence. It often make the kids :cry: :cry: and I would tho :rant: at DH. Other than that, they're just too small to talk about the details to..I think.

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby daisyt » Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:38 am

I am against children using their own religion belief for their parents's funeral. So i have been telling my child what type I want. If due to the children religion and their insist, I rather not to have any. Just cremenate and throw ashes in sea. I feel very sad to see children not holding joss stick in their parent's funeral due to their religion belief.

We have been talking about death to my child since upper primary. We want her to know, death is unavoidable and she needs to learn to be independent as we cannot be around with her forever.

Insider, i have a friend who did the same decision for his only sibling, when he was only early 30s. He has been feeling bad and he did not let his mum know on this issue. It is not easy ...

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby concern2 » Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:57 am

daisyt wrote:I feel very sad to see children not holding joss stick in their parent's funeral due to their religion belief.


I agree with you on this, daisyt. To us, it is a form of respect for the deceased. However, many who do not want to hold the joss sticks think otherwise. I am very surprised that foreigners who also have a different religion are willing to hold the joss sticks for the deceased, if not, to just put their palms together to show respect at the funeral. It is especially sad and disappointing when it is close relatives who refuse to do these things because of different religious beliefs.

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby Strparent » Sat Feb 04, 2012 9:13 am

insider wrote:It was just so painful to see him suffering.

I still recall his last moments now and then, a memory that is difficult to shake off.

The image of an once-so-strong and handsome man turned into such a fragile skinny man.

Heart still bleeds whenever I think of my old man (deceased about 3 years ago).


Insider :cry:

I know exactly how you feel. It's been 6 years, and I still think of my old man. Many regrets that I should have done more with him while possible.

same - seeing him change from a strong healthy handsome man to be so frail, weak and old in a matter of months, was very very hard. He told me what he wanted in the latter days at the hospital - no more treatments - too tiring, too painful, too stressful, heartpain to see loved ones daily coming and close to tears, the emotions, etc....

My Dad's siblings did not understand, they just want to drag on and on, and some of them thought I was heartless to even suggest to stop his sufferings.

One thing that was weird, my Dad has always not been afraid of ghost, supernatural stuff, death.etc, but in the few weeks near the end in the hospital, I can sense he was a bit fearful.....think he starts seeing the ox head horse face fella a few times, with the occasional passings in the hospital. :oops:

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Re: Talking about Death ...

Postby UncleLim » Sat Feb 04, 2012 9:46 am

MadScientist wrote:Hi UncleLim!

Long time! Hope all is well... Interesting topic... I should embark on it some day soon. Had always told my kids that I will be there for them, until the day I cannot, so they should still better learn to be independent.



Dear insider,
Am very sorry to learn of what happened to you father. It is heart wrenching and not an easy time.


MadScientist - where have you been? :wink:

Ya, I am tying up the loose ends of my late dad's financial matters. So I share some of my thoughts with my kids over dinner. I don't want to have any subject labelled as "taboo" in my home, and that includes death, divorce, sex, homosexuality etc. Better for my kids to hear it from me than from their schoolmates or the media.

Also, this year is my year of "speaking the truth". All my life I have been politically correct and failed to express my opinions honestly. It is mid life now for me and I want to change that. Family and friends are finding it a bit uncomfortable but hey... I better speak my mind before it is time for me to go. :evil:
Last edited by UncleLim on Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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