Interesting Topic from Class 95 (+ve vs -ve comments)

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Interesting Topic from Class 95 (+ve vs -ve comments)

Postby SGoku » Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:02 am

I was listening to Radio on my way to work and heard topic about children from G, V and FD. :wink:

Children tend to accept more +ve than -ve comment. The worse phrase a parent can use on their kid is " ARE YOU STUPID?" :x

What are your view? :?

SGoku
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Postby skunk » Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:10 am

who doesn't like positive comments? LOL

conversely, who likes negative comments?

I was brought up in such a "nurturing" environment, where "love" a.k.a "ai de jiao yu" was practised. What good it did to me? It made me weak, unable to accept criticism. It's such an unnatural way to bring up children.

To live in human society is to learn how to live with many human quirks. Often we have to face ppl having a bad day, ppl who have only unkind words to say, sometimes we ourselves will lash out just to release steam. What's wrong with that?

I will bring up my child to learn that sometimes, humans will utter unkind words, including Mummy and Daddy, but we don't mean it. And if we do bother uttering unkind words, u must have deserved it!!!

Of course, it's wrong to be so harsh to children over small matter, but if my daughter ever does something stupid, against my advice, such as dashing across the road even when i've told her not to, of course i'll lose my temper and say,

"ARE U STUPID OR WAT? WANNA DIE IS IT?!?"

when we do stupid things (like all humans do sometimes), we deserve a scolding, don't we?

I don't believe in molly-coddling and bringing up weaklings.

Just my 2 cents :)

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Postby foreverj » Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:00 am

this is an interesting topic. i agree with skunk that being brought up in a loving environment sometimes results in the kid having a rude shock that the world is really filled with many different kinds of people.

but i believe in modeling the right treatment to the child so that he/she knows what should be the right way. when the kid experience harsh treatment, the parent should be around to provide the love/support and to explain that not all people are the same. some are unkind, some are cruel, some r insensitive for one reason or another. we cannot control other people's behaviour but we can certainly control our own or at least learn to do that. when people treat us badly, we dun bring ourselves down to their level by behaving the same way. however we also should not subject ourselves to being bullied by others.

its a learning process and may be related to EQ? i believe that even we adults are stil learning how to perfect the above. let alone children? thats y they need matured, caring and loving parents to set the right example and provide the necessary guidance. :love:

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Postby FMz » Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:05 am

got it over the radio this morning.

especially the comment tat they still "remember" what their parent say to them which hurt.

my take. All are adults with 1 already a parent, 1 got married twice & another going to get hitch thrice.

so adult liao, still harbouring something tat hurt & yet didnt read into the reason behind.

would really love to hear wat they learn, or maybe I reached my destination too early.

cause & effect, I will prefer to discuss abt the cause, rather than bitch abt the effect :)

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Postby skunk » Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:13 am

foreverj wrote:this is an interesting topic. i agree with skunk that being brought up in a loving environment sometimes results in the kid having a rude shock that the world is really filled with many different kinds of people.

but i believe in modeling the right treatment to the child so that he/she knows what should be the right way. when the kid experience harsh treatment, the parent should be around to provide the love/support and to explain that not all people are the same. some are unkind, some are cruel, some r insensitive for one reason or another. we cannot control other people's behaviour but we can certainly control our own or at least learn to do that. when people treat us badly, we dun bring ourselves down to their level by behaving the same way. however we also should not subject ourselves to being bullied by others.

its a learning process and may be related to EQ? i believe that even we adults are stil learning how to perfect the above. let alone children? thats y they need matured, caring and loving parents to set the right example and provide the necessary guidance. :love:


u r more eloquent than me, and have put my point across better lol

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Postby MMM » Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:55 pm

I only heard the first part before I got off the car. My hubby was asking me what do you think our dd 1 will say about mummy :lol:

I told him that I don't buy those 100% lovey or encouragement only words. I think it's not real. I rather get real and give them feedback based on the real situation.

Eg. My girl recently took part in the GE art competition. My hubby was like wow... you did your best,etc... But to me, I gave her feedback based on what I think (eg. certain parts are really not nice becoz....). I told her that she need to learn from her experience and feedback and do a better job the next time round. I think I am just being realistic.

If being parents, we cannot be truthful to them then who else will be truthful to them. As saying goes, the truth hurts.

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Postby MLR » Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:28 pm

MMM wrote:If being parents, we cannot be truthful to them then who else will be truthful to them. As saying goes, the truth hurts.


Hands up to this. As I had said b4 what happens when the bubble bursts!? The most difficult love is the hard and painful ones that sometimes as parents, you need to dish them out. But I don't mean that if you abuse your child, its becos you love him/her very much :rant:

I m sure that the day will come when your child grow up to appreciate your honesty with him/her for it make him/her a better person with a strong sense of reality.

Nuture them but not with a shield around them. Love them but don't suffocate them with it.

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Postby foreverj » Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:32 am

i didn't hear the radio at all so whatever i m contributing is purely based on what the parents here write. hmmm, so my guess is the discussion was partly on how parents should/usually treat the children (in terms of feedback on their work, behaviour etc).

i believe as parents, becos we spend so much time with our kids, to a certain extent, there wil be moments when our emotions get the better of us. eg. if we see our kids wanting to run across the road without realising the cars, of course we'll catch hold of them and lash out at them, becos we love them and partly due to anxiety and frustration, hoping to make such a lasting impression the kids wil never dare to the same thing again.

as for feedback on work, this is where i think may be related to EQ. maybe we can learn from the ang-mos (based on my experience and not saying all of them are like that) or anyone with excellent EQ? my experience is they tend to be able to say something good abt everything. they usually start with listing out what they like abt a piece of work before they pointed out areas where improvement can be made. overall they wil commend on the effort put in etc to make the person feel good 8)

probably take into consideration the age of the child. if the child is very young, say 3 years old, need only to say "i like the way u painted the petals red". some specific observation and if they are that young, really dun need to damage their self-esteem by saying its nothing like a flower.
if much older, yes, i agree with MLR and MMM that parents are the best people to prepare the child for the realities of life. that there are people out there who are much better and thats becos they may be older, blessed with more talent from the start, more experienced and worked very very hard to get to where they are today. take the opportunity to inspire the kid to do better next time rather than make it into a "putting down" session.

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