Young people and stress

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.zeit
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by .zeit » Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:44 pm

MMM wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:33 am
Been awhile since I last contributed in KSP.

I guess I am fortunate that in my course of work to get to work with the young people (top fresh graduates/ generally 30 & below). There are 2 distinct cases that made me reflect on stress on our children and life being a journey and not a sprint.

One of them was brought up in an excel environment since young. Did grade 8 piano, was gifted and went to all the top pri, sec, JC and uni. Great guy with great attitude and he is my "favorite" as he is a full package with EQ and IQ. He no longer works for me however, after 4 years of working life, he seems jaded... his preference is to take life easier and not chase corp ladder. He stopped playing piano, his memory of childhood was work and more work. He shared that he will never do the same thing to his kid.

Another case was also a top performer academically since young. Recent setback due to negative feedback by business partners. She shared with me that since young, she cannot take disappointments. Hence she was emotional when things don't go well at work for her. I had to counsel her and in the process also reflected that the important life lessons our kids should have is resilience. To be able to learn to fail and re-bounce from the failure. I shared with her instead of focusing on the negative feedback, it's how we can turn the table around to regain trust. Also, life is a journey and it's not like exams where you studied hard, you expected your score to be good. In life journey, we cannot control how people think or behave. Importantly, life is indeed a journey and not a sprint.
For such highly driven and intelligent pp, you need to assign more challenging and varied tasks to them. Excel pp learn things very fast and will get bored after doing the same mundane tasks within the same industry year after year. Your HR should have rotated his duties, given him a regional role or more exotic business trips.

Anyway, he's quit and gone to look for self-actualisation elsewhere. He can afford to take a gap year to travel the world. Or reskill to join another industry for more stimulation.

.zeit
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by .zeit » Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:46 pm

Actually I don't advocate 'self-blame'. Better blame the govt, the system, your MP, your whatever, but once you start to shoulder all the blame, you sink into depression, you start to feel a deep sense of worthlessness and if you don't receive proper counselling, you may even turn suicidal, cos everything that don't go well is your fault.

pirate
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by pirate » Tue Apr 09, 2019 4:45 pm

.zeit wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:46 pm
Actually I don't advocate 'self-blame'. Better blame the govt, the system, your MP, your whatever, but once you start to shoulder all the blame, you sink into depression, you start to feel a deep sense of worthlessness and if you don't receive proper counselling, you may even turn suicidal, cos everything that don't go well is your fault.
Shouldn't blame anyone at all. Blame ownself, sink into depression. Blame everybody else, become a sociopath. Blaming is negative, and not constructive. It is about accepting responsibility for one's own choices, and learning how to make better choices.

Easier said than done...
:siam:

.zeit
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by .zeit » Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:34 pm

pirate wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 4:45 pm
.zeit wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:46 pm
Actually I don't advocate 'self-blame'. Better blame the govt, the system, your MP, your whatever, but once you start to shoulder all the blame, you sink into depression, you start to feel a deep sense of worthlessness and if you don't receive proper counselling, you may even turn suicidal, cos everything that don't go well is your fault.
Shouldn't blame anyone at all. Blame ownself, sink into depression. Blame everybody else, become a sociopath. Blaming is negative, and not constructive. It is about accepting responsibility for one's own choices, and learning how to make better choices.

Easier said than done...
:siam:
Not referring to normal people, but HSPs (ask your psychologist friends).

Have you counselled anyone with suicidal tendencies before?

https://growinghumankindness.com/forgiving/

Not talking abt shirking responsibility or accountability. Agree we should all take stock of what could've been done better, but that works if that person is a normal person.

HSPs must learn to forgive themselves, have self-compassion. Some HSPs take everything upon themselves, including hitting their heads repeatedly or slapping themselves silly when things go wrong. It's very sad. They need be guided by a shrink.

pirate
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by pirate » Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:12 pm

.zeit wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:34 pm
Not referring to normal people, but HSPs (ask your psychologist friends).

Have you counselled anyone with suicidal tendencies before?

https://growinghumankindness.com/forgiving/

Not talking abt shirking responsibility or accountability. Agree we should all take stock of what could've been done better, but that works if that person is a normal person.

HSPs must learn to forgive themselves, have self-compassion. Some HSPs take everything upon themselves, including hitting their heads repeatedly or slapping themselves silly when things go wrong. It's very sad. They need be guided by a shrink.
Chay! Say so earlier when changing topic lah.


.zeit
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by .zeit » Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:28 pm

pirate wrote:
Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:12 pm
Chay! Say so earlier when changing topic lah.
The topic has always been the same.

Some emotional young persons choose to shoulder all the blame, wish they were never born, felt terrible and unfilial for doing bad in exams after parents paid so much for their tuition, holidays and rewards, felt sorry they let their parents down, believe they are just stupid, not parents' fault, not the education system's fault. This is the other extreme I was thinking of in my first post.

I had 2 friends (one SAP, one GEP) who tried to take their lives at 18-19 yrs old because they thought they'd contributed to their parents' stress/endless quarrels/divorce, blamed themselves for not doing as well for A levels, for embarrassing their parents...It became THEIR fault.

hercules
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by hercules » Thu Apr 11, 2019 3:11 pm

If these kids ever fully recovered from their conditions, they are likely to vow "he will never do the same thing to his kid."

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/ ... ess-at-imh

What the doctors should tell them? To blame themselves for

don't know how to speak up to their parents ?
don't know how to lower own expectations?
don't know how to accept not being the best?

Some kids manage to make their ways to seek help with obvious symptoms while some kids can boil inside longer (bite tongue and go unnoticed) till their young adulthood and one day may suddenly realise the 'missing link' (about their lives 'not worth living' if don't change path. It's an 'accumulated grief' over a period of time for this group of people.).

JassyT
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by JassyT » Thu Apr 18, 2019 1:36 pm

Younger children need to feel supported and safe. Teenagers need to know that support is there when they need it, but they also need to feel that they have the freedom to push boundaries and to make their own mistakes.

lylamorris
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by lylamorris » Thu Apr 18, 2019 2:30 pm

Entitlement and instant gratification have become an obsession with this generation. People need to realize that actual growth is a slow process. Nothing comes easily. Hurdles and failures are part of that process, we need to mind this point.

foodie4stuff
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Re: Young people and stress

Post by foodie4stuff » Fri Apr 19, 2019 1:34 pm

strawberry generation expects everything served on a silver platter. Sadly, this is the trend and there's no sign of reversal

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