Young people and stress

General comments and chit-chat, or tell us how we can improve KiasuParents.com
Post Reply
jho48109
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
Posts: 105
Joined: Thu Mar 08,

Re: Young people and stress

Post by jho48109 » Mon Apr 01, 2019 12:02 pm

Stress trickles down, and anything that impacts the family can affect the teen. Unrealistic expectations, marital problems, strained sibling relationships (including sibling bullying), illness in the family, and financial stress on the family can all trigger a spike in teen stress..Make sure to asses your children every now and then..

janet88
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
Posts: 40512
Joined: Tue Oct 20,
Total Likes:135

Re: Young people and stress

Post by janet88 » Tue Apr 02, 2019 11:49 am

some stress is good...but youngsters have to learn 'stress detox'.

starlight1968sg
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
Posts: 15625
Joined: Mon Nov 16,
Total Likes:27

Re: Young people and stress

Post by starlight1968sg » Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:29 pm

Maybe a baby also has stress - to cry to get milk, be carried etc :)

janet88
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
Posts: 40512
Joined: Tue Oct 20,
Total Likes:135

Re: Young people and stress

Post by janet88 » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:29 pm

starlight1968sg wrote:
Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:29 pm
Maybe a baby also has stress - to cry to get milk, be carried etc :)
baby has no stress...crying is to inform parents he/she is hungry, in pain, had a nightmare, want attention, wants to be carried. infant hood is the best.

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
Posts: 11237
Joined: Wed Sep 15,
Total Likes:210

Re: Young people and stress

Post by slmkhoo » Wed Apr 03, 2019 8:16 am

starlight1968sg wrote:
Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:29 pm
Maybe a baby also has stress - to cry to get milk, be carried etc :)
From Medline:
Stress is a feeling of emotional or physical tension. It can come from any event or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous. Stress is your body's reaction to a challenge or demand. In short bursts, stress can be positive.

By that definition, the baby is feeling stress when hungry etc, that's why it cries. If it didn't feel stress and act on it, it would just die.


MMM
Councillor
Councillor
Posts: 4806
Joined: Thu Jul 24,
Total Likes:82

Re: Young people and stress

Post by MMM » Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:33 am

Been awhile since I last contributed in KSP.

I guess I am fortunate that in my course of work to get to work with the young people (top fresh graduates/ generally 30 & below). There are 2 distinct cases that made me reflect on stress on our children and life being a journey and not a sprint.

One of them was brought up in an excel environment since young. Did grade 8 piano, was gifted and went to all the top pri, sec, JC and uni. Great guy with great attitude and he is my "favorite" as he is a full package with EQ and IQ. He no longer works for me however, after 4 years of working life, he seems jaded... his preference is to take life easier and not chase corp ladder. He stopped playing piano, his memory of childhood was work and more work. He shared that he will never do the same thing to his kid.

Another case was also a top performer academically since young. Recent setback due to negative feedback by business partners. She shared with me that since young, she cannot take disappointments. Hence she was emotional when things don't go well at work for her. I had to counsel her and in the process also reflected that the important life lessons our kids should have is resilience. To be able to learn to fail and re-bounce from the failure. I shared with her instead of focusing on the negative feedback, it's how we can turn the table around to regain trust. Also, life is a journey and it's not like exams where you studied hard, you expected your score to be good. In life journey, we cannot control how people think or behave. Importantly, life is indeed a journey and not a sprint.

starlight1968sg
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
Posts: 15625
Joined: Mon Nov 16,
Total Likes:27

Re: Young people and stress

Post by starlight1968sg » Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:43 am

MMM
Tks for sharing
I like 'life is a journey and not a sprint'

hercules
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
Posts: 686
Joined: Thu Dec 03,
Total Likes:46

Re: Young people and stress

Post by hercules » Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:18 pm

MMM wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:33 am

One of them was brought up in an excel environment since young. Did grade 8 piano, was gifted and went to all the top pri, sec, JC and uni. Great guy with great attitude and he is my "favorite" as he is a full package with EQ and IQ. He no longer works for me however, after 4 years of working life, he seems jaded... his preference is to take life easier and not chase corp ladder. He stopped playing piano, his memory of childhood was work and more work. He shared that he will never do the same thing to his kid.
This guy is really fortunate that he realised the 'missing link' in his development earlier than later. Most will only discover this 'missing link' around late 30s or early 40s that their lives may suddenly go haywire after such 'waking up' (coz by then that person usually has a family tagging along and the family likely to be affected).

I have heard many cases of what you described, " his memory of childhood was work and more work". These adult children feel 'cheated' by their parents in a way for 'mis-guidance', regardless of good intentions. The 'jaded' feelings are really depressing to have at such young ages and most become disillusioned about the purpose of living before eventually (hopefully) finding their balance again (to realise life is not about paper / money chase but for deeper inner development that all these cannot fulfill.).

One of my girl's uni mates, calibre similar to your case. Headhunted by top UK financial firm and paid close to 5-figure upon graduation. Worked for about 4 years with sterling results. Living comfortably with posh car, etc. Then suffered neuron issues and put under psychiatric care (long hours of work and highly stressful environment). Returned to Singapore and got a 'normal' job. When they met, he scorned at his own 'foolishness' and realised himself that he 'peaked too soon' which was bad, and like your case, "He shared that he will never do the same thing to his kid." (referring to always must be the best and the top).

I always advocate - kids don't really need to get 90 or 100. If wanna be good, maybe around 80 and the rest of the time should be used to PLAY and PLAY (not for slotting in more 'enrichments' with this spare time).

Life's short!

MMM
Councillor
Councillor
Posts: 4806
Joined: Thu Jul 24,
Total Likes:82

Re: Young people and stress

Post by MMM » Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:55 pm

It is interesting that there was another guy in my team. He was the playful type since young. Went to slightly above average schools and right now, doing as well or potentially better than the "excel" guy i had earlier shared about. He eventually made it to the same uni as the excel guy. They are of the same age.

It's funny that as he shared his teenage life with me about the kind of "punishments" his mum used to dish out to him , I could feel his mum heave a sigh of relief looking at where he is now. Reflecting on this, again I emphasize on the journey. It does not mean that if one is able to run fast earlier in life they will definitely do better in life. Back to the peak too soon, it will actually have a long term detrimental effect.

hercules
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
Posts: 686
Joined: Thu Dec 03,
Total Likes:46

Re: Young people and stress

Post by hercules » Fri Apr 05, 2019 1:41 pm

I see another area of stress faced by young adults is in the area of how they handle their sexuality.

Young adults may start to experiment with sex and along with it may come issues of STD, pre-marital pregnancies, sexual exploitation, etc, all these are highly stressful factors in their growing up years.

Most kids, esp those with A+ results since young, may have difficulties sharing their 'secret problems' with their parents whom they know have high expectations on them and they avoid to disappoint in this way after years of painstaking grooming. With this, they may do themselves more harm than if they can confide with their parents directly for wiser solutions.

Do let your kids know that you allow them to make mistake, ANY mistake, that they can talk to you openly in any situation (kids can sense what a parent can take and what he / she cannot and so this bond can never be built via 'lip service' only. Take years to build this trust.).
Last edited by hercules on Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Post Reply