Child attending church

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Child attending church

Postby carebear » Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:34 pm

I need some advice. My teenage child started attending church this year on the recommendation by school friends. Her attitude has changed. Although the church service is from 2 to 4 pm on Saturdays, she stays out late until 11pm , and sometimes till late on weekdays saying that she has meetings with her church friends.

I am not against her attending church but am disappointed in the change in character.

I would like to ask those who have teenagers who attend church, whether their church issue a consent form for minors who attend their services.

If this is not a practice, is it reasonable to ask the church to consider implementing a consent form for minors?

Sometimes, prayer meeting may be held till late at night, and do you agree that churches should not encourage youngsters to participate in late night activities?

TIA.

carebear
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Re: Child attending church

Postby insider » Sat Jun 15, 2013 12:33 am

Hi carebear

My friend's 14 years old son also started off with 'regular hours' attendance, then when he got really 'involved', the gathering can drag into 10 pm, 11 pm, etc. Friend stays in the west and the church is in the east and so child has to take time to travel home.

My friend forbade her child for staying out so late and then there is a 翻脸 session between them, with the child refused to talk to her for a while.

Then she went to the church to speak to the people there and the church claimed they did not know the kids stayed out till so late and the church has no such late services.

Friend queried son and son said after service, he will still mingle with the church goers for 'exchange of ideas' coz the hours in the church is not 'enough'.

The son is improving now at Sec 3. Usually will come back before 9 pm. He is very very into it and seems to have put church above his family... (he is not mixing with bad company as long as my friend is aware of. He is really mixing with those young church goers.)

PS 2:
My another friend's son who when he was about 16, very into church, vowed to pledge his late father's will money to the church when he can inherit the money at 21 - didn't carry out this vow when he turned 21. Guess will 'outgrow' the influence when a child sober out to put priority in place (his widowed mum, aka my friend, is not making a lot of money and he still needs to complete his university).

insider
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Re: Child attending church

Postby carebear » Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:31 pm

Thanks for sharing, Insider.
At least I know that I am not alone.
I am waiting for the church to respond, as I have left a message with them.

carebear
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Re: Child attending church

Postby Green_white » Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:55 pm

it's a growing up phrase. Teenagers always find parent a nag and friends are more important.

Your kids will outgrow from it.

Green_white
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Re: Child attending church

Postby Joule » Sun Jun 16, 2013 3:46 pm

hello. I used to be a former church young person.

In church, there are a couple of things.

i.e
1) Church services. Weekly, held at the church premises. Probably last about 2 - 3hrs.

Sometimes as a variation of this, there are teenager services. They last about 1.5 hrs and are more teenage friendly.

2) Cell group. This is more typically weekly. Can be held anywhere. Basically it is a group of Christian young people gather together. Also last for 2-3 hrs. Each group has a cell leader, an older person (but still young) to oversee them. The cell leader reports to the youth pastor.

3) Special events - e.g. church conferences, etc. This is every few months and is like a gathering of the larger church community.

4) Sometimes, talk and chit chat. After church services, sometimes the teenagers would come together and hang out. Can be for hours.


5) Prayer meetings. Yes, sometimes prayer meeting can be held at wee hours of the morning. But I don't think teenagers need to attend. I could be wrong.

6) church camps. Can be held during holiday periods.

Church normally should encourage their teenagers to be responsible and obey their parents.

What I recommend.

1) speak to the cell leader. Phone call / face to face. Face to face may be better. In this way, there is a form of accountability, there would be others that are able to look out for your child. Cell leader would have the responsibility to update the parents of where the kid is going. Good to have a good relationship between the cell leader/ youth pastor. Some teenagers also abuse the privileges of going church by staying out late. We had a younger girl in our group once, we called her mother to update her of the whereabouts and sent her home to her doorstep at times when events ended too late.

2) as far as I am remember there is no consent form issued. Or rather I don't remember.

3) if you are so inclined, you may attend church service to see what it is like.... maybe once or twice.

What to look out for if church is really doing your kid any good.

1) Does the child obey you more? (Children are encouraged to obey their parents, it's written in the bible)

2) Is the child becoming more honest or respectful? Or behaves as though he has something to hide?

3) use of language: Does she/he use less swear words? (Believers are supposed to mind their language)

4) Tithing: Believers are supposed to tithe 10% of their income. This is a commandment. Not everyone follows it. Some say only working then need to tithe. Others say when get pocket money then tithe. (personally I only started tithing when I started working) Not all churches actively enforce this 10% (they believe it is between the person and God). What is enforcement? - Does someone from the church call your child if she didn't give 10% ? That's what to look out for. Above the tithe, there is something called pledges. Meaning lets say the church needs to do a new building or send missionaries to overseas and thus they need money. The person would then pledge to give this amount. I don't believe that church seniors should harass people into donating money though.

Teens can be foolish with their money and sometimes the church and parent may have some misunderstanding.

5) Also recommended that need to have a face to face and heart to heart talk with daughter.

if you want to know more, can pm me. I am interested to know what church.
but do update here because I don't check pm by default. = )

Joule
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Re: Child attending church

Postby carebear » Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:44 pm

Hi Joule, thanks for your lenghthy explanation.
I was brought up in a Christian family and attended church every Sunday when I was young.
However, during my time, there was no service for youngsters.

I will be expecting an answer from the church as I have emailed them.
My girl has been respectful even before she started to attend church and has never used any swear words as these words are considered taboo at home.

It is just the time spent with her church friends that make me feel uneasy.
I can feel that she is "on fire" when she discusses the Bible with her friends.
By right, I should feel happy for her that she has found a faith.
However, I feel that as a minor, she may not be able to handle it properly and balance it with family and school work.

carebear
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Re: Child attending church

Postby pirated » Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:21 am

carebear wrote:Hi Joule, thanks for your lenghthy explanation.
I was brought up in a Christian family and attended church every Sunday when I was young.
However, during my time, there was no service for youngsters.

I will be expecting an answer from the church as I have emailed them.
My girl has been respectful even before she started to attend church and has never used any swear words as these words are considered taboo at home.

It is just the time spent with her church friends that make me feel uneasy.
I can feel that she is "on fire" when she discusses the Bible with her friends.
By right, I should feel happy for her that she has found a faith.
However, I feel that as a minor, she may not be able to handle it properly and balance it with family and school work.


Church involvement to the detriment of school work and academic results is poor testimony and not honoring God

The vocation of a student is to study and do well in it, honor God and parents with good results

To be so involved in church and to start neglecting in studies and family is really poor time management and wrong priority.

responsible church / cell leaders should put the priority right

pirated
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Re: Child attending church

Postby Joule » Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:41 am

pirated wrote:Church involvement to the detriment of school work and academic results is poor testimony and not honoring God

The vocation of a student is to study and do well in it, honor God and parents with good results

responsible church / cell leaders should put the priority right


yes, I agree with that too.

Joule
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Re: Child attending church

Postby Nebbermind » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:03 am

carebear wrote:I need some advice. My teenage child started attending church this year on the recommendation by school friends. Her attitude has changed. Although the church service is from 2 to 4 pm on Saturdays, she stays out late until 11pm , and sometimes till late on weekdays saying that she has meetings with her church friends.

I am not against her attending church but am disappointed in the change in character.

I would like to ask those who have teenagers who attend church, whether their church issue a consent form for minors who attend their services.

If this is not a practice, is it reasonable to ask the church to consider implementing a consent form for minors?

Sometimes, prayer meeting may be held till late at night, and do you agree that churches should not encourage youngsters to participate in late night activities?

TIA.


I believe you should find out what kind of activities are taking up so many hours of your kids time. To be on fire is not a bad thing but what is the competency of the leader/mentor?

As parents, we must be watchful when we see sudden intense passion...coz they can also get hurt most....and affect future relationship with the Lord.

Nebbermind
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Re: Child attending church

Postby looking4Tutor » Fri Jun 21, 2013 9:38 am

With the help of GPS and videocams I monitored my children movement 7/24 X 365.

looking4Tutor
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