Tell me your Kiasu parenting experience! NTU student here :)

General comments and chit-chat, or tell us how we can improve KiasuParents.com

Tell me your Kiasu parenting experience! NTU student here :)

Postby ooopsger » Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:29 am

Self Introduction:

I am not a parent, yet (: But I am a sister of two younger brothers who make me worry on their academic performance.

My name is Evelyn Wong and I am a journalism student from Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information.

I am a generation y kid raised by generation x parents:

I come from a working class family and in summary, my dad is the main breadwinner and my mum, a housewife, does odd jobs to contribute to the family income. They are parents who want the best for their children (all parents too). They are not very educated but still, they are staunch believers in the value of education and make sure they do their best to give my brothers and I quality education.

Purpose of this post:

I am currently researching on a news article project on the increase activity in online parenting communities. I am interested in understanding your parenting concerns in raising a generation z (children born from the mid-1990s) child in Singapore and the benefits you derive from Kiasuparents.com

I would like to understand you, kiasu parents more by eliciting comments from you all. Please spare me a few minutes of your time to do so. Your kind assistance is much appreciated and will in turn add value to my understanding of parents nowadays which would be reflected in my news article project. :pray:

P.S. Please note that comments are non-obligatory and I do not mean to cause any disturbance at this forum. (I hope I get the clearing from the administrators too!)

Questions:

To better understand you:
1) Are you a father or a mother?
2) Are you a SAHP/ FTWP?
3) tell me something about your beloved child/ren.

Your perspective on parenting
1) what does parenting mean to you?
2) how kiasu are you? Can you give an example?
3) What are the benefits of being kiasu? And the disadvantages?
4) do you think your kiasu-ism might pressurize your child/ren? if yes, do you balance your kiasu-ism to make sure your child/ren are not over pressured?
5) what are your concerns on parenting your beloved child/ren?
6) what do you think are the differences/ concerns in parenting a generation z child in Singapore as compared to parenting a child many years ago?
- for example the generation z children are more exposed to the global world, different forms of media, have easy access to information, enjoy a higher standard of living. Or living in Singapore, competition is tough..

Benefits derived from being a kiasu parent on kiasuparents.com
1) how long have you been a member and how often do you come to kiasuparents.com?
2) does kiasuparents.com help you in your parenting concerns in raising a generation z child in Singapore? If yes, how has kiasuparents.com helped? Can you give an example?

*please reveal your name if you feel comfortable as it will help put a human face on the nicks. for privacy/ security reasons, i will recommend you to private message or email me at wo0001yn@ntu.edu.sg

All in all, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your assistance.
:lol:

contact me
If you have any doubts/ queries, please feel free to contact me at wo0001yn@ntu.edu.sg

Yours Sincerely,
Evelyn Wong

ooopsger
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby ZacK » Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:15 pm

Dear Evelyn,

I appreciate that you are being very polite in your request and as such, let me see if I can furnish you with the info that I am comfortable to provide and hopefully it will be of some help to you and also to start the ball-rolling for you...

Pls note that altho we are KS parents... We are still asians, so tend to be "shy" :oops:

======================
Questions:

To better understand you:
1) Are you a father or a mother?
- Father

2) Are you a SAHP/ FTWP?
-FTWP

3) tell me something about your beloved child/ren.
- Have 2 wonderful boys, one is 6 going to Pri 1 next year. Besides his half-day kindergarten, he only goes for abacus classes. Other than that, he is not attending any other enrichment classes. Second one is 7 mths, other than showing signs that he'll be an active boy, can't tell you much at this point of time.

Your perspective on parenting
1) what does parenting mean to you?
- For me parenting involves:
a. Guiding our little ones so that they do not go astray;
b. Shaping their characters so that they have the right values;
c. Equipping them with the essential skills and knowledge to be able to do something useful with their lives.


2) how kiasu are you? Can you give an example?
- I do not think I am KS... I have heard of friends who pack their kids, younger than my elder son, with programs back-back on weekends... Nothing wrong with that, just different parenting styles. Not abt to do that with our elder son as we wanted him to have his own free time to do the things he likes... Play with his toys, watch his DVD and read his books.

3) What are the benefits of being kiasu? And the disadvantages?
- I do not know of any statistics that will show that being kiasu has it's benefits. Things are always changing and our environment is always in a state of flux... Even by being kiasu, you may be "ahead of pack" for now... It does not mean that you will be ahead sometime in the future. One has to constantly improve, else we will regress, however I prefer to use ourselves as our own benchmark rather than using others as a benchmark... By constantly comparing ourselves with others, invariably we create envy and dissatisfaction (not that these are not good, as to some, these are motivating forces) ... This will trickle down to the expectation we set for our kids... In some instances, I think these expectations may be unreasonable and thus resulting in extreme pressure on our littles one to have to live up to those expectations >> And this is the disadvantages of being overly/excessively kiasu.

4) do you think your kiasu-ism might pressurize your child/ren? if yes, do you balance your kiasu-ism to make sure your child/ren are not over pressured?
- At this point of time, I think this does not apply to me. This may or may not change after my elder son goes to into the mainstream education system. A side issue, one of my friend was just talking abt it the other day... Both his sons are in neighbourhood school, for his son with avg 88 marks, the teacher called him to tell him that his son is lagging and needs to buck up. For his son who scored 94 for his test, his teacher called to tell my friend... His son can do better. While I appreciate that the teachers nowadays are more pro-active in reaching out to parents... But in this instance, I wonder if it is a case of being overboard :stupid:

5) what are your concerns on parenting your beloved child/ren?
- That they grow up physically and emotionally healthy... That they will have the wisdom to deal with issues that they face in their lives.

6) what do you think are the differences/ concerns in parenting a generation z child in Singapore as compared to parenting a child many years ago? - for example the generation z children are more exposed to the global world, different forms of media, have easy access to information, enjoy a higher standard of living. Or living in Singapore, competition is tough..

- I cant say for all of the parents here... With all the things you mentioned in your example above.. exposed to global world, easy access to media, higher standards of living and if I may add parents more learned than their parent's parents... I just feel that our kids are losing their naivety and childlike innocence much earlier. I remembered that I did not have to deal with enrichment classes, assessment books etc until I reached primary school. Even then I only had to deal with assessment books on top of my homework. I was allowed to play with my friends at the void deck or playground and allowed to watch television prog throughout my primary school as long as I have finished my school work.

- Now generation z kids go through classes that "accelerate" their learning abilities etc as soon as they are born, the issues they are exposed to due to accessibility to media and availability of information makes them matured, as they can surf the web to find almost any information they need. On top of that, they attend classes to teach them things well beyond the A-Z that they need to know for their age.

- Does the good outweigh the bad based on what we are see above? Well I guess we all need to adapt to this pace as this concerns the survival of Singapore as a whole. What we have achieved in 40 over years is remarkable compared to the progression of other countries in our region. So in the name of survivial, either we learn to adapt to the "rat race"/pace or we can always "throw in the towel" and relocate to another place with a much slower pace >> Which answers your other question, yes Singapore is competitive.


Benefits derived from being a kiasu parent on kiasuparents.com
1) how long have you been a member and how often do you come to kiasuparents.com?
- Member since Jul 08 >> 1 yr 14 weeks
- More than once daily.

2) does kiasuparents.com help you in your parenting concerns in raising a generation z child in Singapore? If yes, how has kiasuparents.com helped? Can you give an example?
- This would be a definite YES!
- This is the platform where we can post our queries and wait for parents who have encountered similar situations reply what they did. In some instances, what others did may work and in some instances it may not, as there is no fix-all solution, but at least it serves as an alternative for our consideration.
- Some of the many examples I can list are:
a. Guidance on Primary One registration.
b. Guidance/assurance on medical issues that our kids may face for the first time that other parents have already encountered. Not to be replaced with medical advice, but sometime having the assurance of other parents who have gone through the situation helps to alleviate undue stress/concern.
c. Assistance/clarification on how to answer primary school questions in the Primary School folder etc.

ZacK
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2396
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:19 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby mckenzy » Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:18 pm

i thought we were raising 'millenium' generation...?

mckenzy
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 307
Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:59 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby ooopsger » Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:27 pm

mckenzy wrote:i thought we were raising 'millenium' generation...?


hi, mckenzy.

the millenial generation is actually the same as generation y, babies born from 1976 to late 1990s.

i reckon that it is true that parents here are generally raising kids from the end of the millenial generation/ gen y to the generation z, babies born from mid-1990s to late 2000s.

so babies born at the end of the millenial/ gen y range also coincide with the generation z range

-P.S. Can i extend an invitation to you to answer my qestions too? :) hehe :lol:

ooopsger
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby ooopsger » Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:29 pm

ZacK wrote:Dear Evelyn,

I appreciate that you are being very polite in your request and as such, let me see if I can furnish you with the info that I am comfortable to provide and hopefully it will be of some help to you and also to start the ball-rolling for you...

Pls note that altho we are KS parents... We are still asians, so tend to be "shy" :oops:

color]


thank you very much indeed for taking the time to reply on my post!
your responses are very helpful :)
cheers!

ooopsger
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:03 pm
Total Likes: 0



Postby sashimi » Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:59 pm

To better understand you:
1/2) A FTW father. My daughter is 7.
3) My children is my chance at another life, today and tomorrow. :) What I can no longer do in my life, I wish to give them the opportunity to be, and to do.

Your perspective on parenting
1) Parenting is the one subject nothing in life prepares you for. It is 10% study and 90% on-the-job-training. No human being can claim to having a "complete"( education in) life until s/he has experienced being a parent.

2) Er, I'm not kiasu by SG standards. Eg1. for enrichment courses for my kid, she only does music and ballet- what I think she likes, not what other kids are doing. Eg2. I roll my eyes at H1N1 paranoia and don't believe any of the crap the press is trying to scare people with. ;) (Food for your thought as you take your journalism course).

3) The benefits of being kiasu is that you may give yourself and your children more opportunities, exposure and things-to-do. The disbenefits of being kiasu is that you make a fool of yourself in the process and your children don't realize it. :) But seriously, kiasuism is natural, it's the survival instinct; but the key is to focus on quality and context, not quantity.


4) Yes, absolutely. But by common understanding/definition, there is no such thing as "balanced kiasuism". Kiasuism is unbalanced by definition. One thing: children today are very pampered, esp. in Singapore. I think it is necessary to put pressure on them in a balanced way. This is one of the major tricks of the trade nothing much in life will prepare you for.

5) Happiness, health, opportunity, personality, future, money - in no particular order. I'm sure there's more.....


6) Every new generation of parents tends to think they are "smarter" than the last generation of parents. Whereas the older generation tend to think they are "wiser" than the new generation. The "truth" is somewhere in between.... and of course dependent on another key factor: experience (see Q1). Some "parents" actually never do any parenting, while others do more than is expected.

I think that one major difference between Gen X and the Baby Boomers - at least in Singapore - is that the Baby Boomers were mostly busy building the country, literally; whereas Gen X were born, bred and educated in an Sg with more stable infrastructure, including education. Thus, Gen X is arguably more "formally" educated than before. I don't mean that the Baby Boomers are uneducated; rather, Gen X's education is different, more academic perhaps, less hands-on.

However, I also argue that my parents didn't really do much parenting, cos they were busy working. Instead, it is THEIR parents, i.e. my grandparents, who raised my gen. Thus, as a parent now, I find it a little frustrating that my parents have very limited experience in raising kids, and in many ways, they seem to defer to my gen/me on the subject. (Note that there are exceptions).

My generation, X (b.1970s onwards) are an educated crowd. In the 1990s the internet 1.0 arrived and we were in our 20s, so we happily picked it up just as you are picking up Web 2.0. It is plausible that we are thus among the first generation of parents who have leveraged on the internet - during its Web 1.0 days - to learn parenting. We are the forum generation. Today, Gen X is still a major user of the web, including web 2.0; but you and the next gen will be even bigger users. It is safe to say that, as parents, we have and will find the web to be a major source of knowledge on anyting, including parenting.

One reason why social knowledge is popular is that parenting is not an exact science; it is less about facts than about experience. Thus, the sharing of personal parenting experiences via online social platforms is a highly effective and productive exercise.

A major difference between the older gen and Gen X, thus, is simply this increased reliance on - quite literally - the wisdom of "strangers" in the crowd. I have a feeling that the older generation don't accept this as readily. Heck, most of them aren't even on Facebook. I mean, don't use email. I mean, have no idea what ROTFLMAO means.

The idea that today, for Gen Z, Y or X, we have "easier access to information" is grossly misunderstood. In fact, if you look at it another way, we are in fact overwhelmed with information, to the point of chaos. I daresay that for a young child, the world is too full of noise. Competition is tough not because we are lacking in information, but because many pple are not properly trained to process, filter and leverage information and turn it into wisdom, into knowledge.

The analogy extends beautifully to parenting: in parenting, for every problem, there are often a myriad of solutions offered - and some may even contradict others. New parents often read about Solution A in a book and scratch their heads when it doesn't work for their Problem 1. They read more books and find Solutions B and C, then they go online - they find "factual" writeups providing solution C and D... and if none of them work, they finally end up asking real people, who provide solutions C1, D2, E, F, G, K and H. ... when they present their problems in detail, real people, fellow parents - home in on the precise factors and are more able to provide an exact solution. This is the wisdom of the crowd at work, powered by online social platforms.

So, while we today are overwhelmed with information, we are also given the tools to find answers - and help each other. I think this is a very different world of parenting compared to the internet-less past, where your closest help is either your neighbour, your phone or a book. It was a world more difficult to leverage the wisdom of strangers in the crowd.


Regarding standard of living - the exposure to more information and people will inevitably raise expectations. Just as the simpleton farmer who migrates to the city to find work may never want to go home and plough fields again, today, when we are fed images of the rich and privileged, we tend to forget that they are the exception, not the norm (or maybe not, since Sg is now No.2 in terms of the size of the rich-and-poor divide).

This also breeds differences between parents of the past and today. Our elders balk at the amount of money we spend on Ferrari strollers, organic foods, enrichment courses, etc. and will always say, "we raised you without all these and you're fine what." Kiasuism is a major player here because parents get anxious when they see other parents with expensive stuff. The more info (and advertizing), the more kiasu. It gets worse if you don't filter your information world - you get hoodwinked by clever marketing, for example.

Definitely, as the world becomes more and more greedy and materialistic, this aspect of the generation gap will have an impact on how parents behave.

Benefits derived from being a kiasu parent on kiasuparents.com
1) about a year(?). I used to come more often but nowadays busier, so while I visit maybe 3-4 times a week, I usually don't post more than a few times per week. but I do feel compelled to contribute to discussions involving things that I am concerned or passionate about. :)

2) Yes, it is good to share - reasons above. I do not believe in any one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to parenting issues and problems, so I enjoy sharing and learning from others, even for issues which are not a problem in my family. I also like to read about those with kids older than mine, cos I consider myself a novice in teen parenting, for example. KSP also focusses on parents themselves, besides our children, which is important. :)

BTW, a big thanks to Chief. :)


BTW, I am glad you are researching into this, and for the opportunity to contribute. I hope you are the kind of matured youngster Sg needs more of. I'm not comfortable putting up my name here - but if you needto know anything in particular about my family, you can trying PMing me (or my wife, schellen?). Ganbatte!

sashimi
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 499
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:21 am
Total Likes: 1


Postby ZacK » Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:10 pm

ooopsger wrote:
ZacK wrote:Dear Evelyn,

I appreciate that you are being very polite in your request and as such, let me see if I can furnish you with the info that I am comfortable to provide and hopefully it will be of some help to you and also to start the ball-rolling for you...

Pls note that altho we are KS parents... We are still asians, so tend to be "shy" :oops:

color]


thank you very much indeed for taking the time to reply on my post!
your responses are very helpful :)
cheers!


You are welcome ;) ... I hope you will be able to get ample responses from us for your research.

ZacK
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2396
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:19 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Tell me your Kiasu parenting experience! NTU student her

Postby Guest » Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:57 pm

Hi Evelyn,

I have hesitated in writing a response here because:
a. I don't feel qualified
b. I thought there would be many forth-coming parents who would share.

Now that I see only 2 fathers have responded, I would attempt to be the first mother to respond. Mummies cannot lose....in kiasuparents forum. :lol: Please bear with me if you find my viewpoints strange. Firstly, I don't fit into any of the mentioned Gen group(Yes I am an alien :lol: ) but my kid is in Gen Z.

Questions:

To better understand you:
1) Are you a father or a mother?
Mum
2) Are you a SAHP/ FTWP?
Working
3) tell me something about your beloved child/ren.
Primary schooling kid

Your perspective on parenting
1) what does parenting mean to you?
I am still discovering new things everyday but in short to me, it is a committed life-long responsibility to help my child discover herself and align(I use align because I don't expect full compliance) with the rules/ways of the world to lead a fruitful and meaningful life. There is alot of wisdom to gain in our short journey on earth....To Laugh, Live and Love..

2) how kiasu are you? Can you give an example?
I am not sure. By my own standard, I think I am not but who would think they are? :lol: Possibly by others' standard, I could be. I see things quite differently because I believe everyone is unique. So when I say I am not kiasu, it is on a relative scale, i.e. I am not too concerned what others are doing. However, when benchmarked against self, I feel compelled to outdo myself. So similarly, for my child, I apply the same philosophy.

3) What are the benefits of being kiasu? And the disadvantages?
For my definition of kiasu, I think it helps me to push myself beyond my own limit and perhaps overcome my weaknesses. I only see disadvantages when I start to benchmark against others, then perhaps I will hurt myself and definitely my child.

4) do you think your kiasu-ism might pressurize your child/ren? if yes, do you balance your kiasu-ism to make sure your child/ren are not over pressured?
My kind of kiasu-ism certainly pressurizes because the intent is so as to drive yourself beyond your own limit, like a sportsman. Yes, like all form of sports, we need to watch out for safety and health hazards...so if I get close to anything of these two, my kiasu-mostat will break off on its own. :D

5) what are your concerns on parenting your beloved child/ren?
The changing world into a much more complex one is a concern to me. Though I know the world is never black or white, with many more colours, it is a growing concern for me that many things have gone into hues due to lack of strong values being imbued in the so-called education process.

6) what do you think are the differences/ concerns in parenting a generation z child in Singapore as compared to parenting a child many years ago?
- for example the generation z children are more exposed to the global world, different forms of media, have easy access to information, enjoy a higher standard of living. Or living in Singapore, competition is tough..
Simply put, the world was less complex and needs were more basic. Influx of Internet creating a better outreach of information certainly opens up many dimensions other than just mere information exchanges. It practically invades and affects lifestyles radically. Changes are certainly not bad but it is the "too much too soon" syndrome that makes the tempo of life kind of strenuous for the majority. I would say the speed of change has gone beyond control when delivery is rapid and efficient. I am certainly guilty of contributing to these changes without seeing the repercussions happening so fast. Are we built to live such a tempo, it is a question I am asking myself every day now.

Benefits derived from being a kiasu parent on kiasuparents.com
1) how long have you been a member and how often do you come to kiasuparents.com?
Perhaps close to a year too? Frequency, it depends. Some days, a few times, some weeks, a few days.

2) does kiasuparents.com help you in your parenting concerns in raising a generation z child in Singapore? If yes, how has kiasuparents.com helped? Can you give an example?

Yes, it helps me in understanding the education platform today and its ever-changing offering to meet new demands of new gen z children. While it is good and well that I try to optimise my kid's potential using our own benchmarks, I cannot also be shooting in the dark without knowing what's the emphasis in today's education in terms of the rat race. Keeping abreast of the latest and greatest of SG education, "nowhere else does it better than here". (Chief, you want to "choup" this slogan?)
Also, it is good to find some like-minded parents here to share some kids raising philosophy. And of course, personally I enjoy the auction here, so enthralling....again it is a race with time....but this is once in a while, not a daily affair, otherwise it will result in hypertension and heart attack.. :lol:


Btw, the last 2 questions, are they included by Chief? :evil: Oops!
Guest
 

Re: Tell me your Kiasu parenting experience! NTU student her

Postby ChiefKiasu » Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:10 pm

ks2me wrote:... Btw, the last 2 questions, are they included by Chief? :evil: Oops!


I solemnly swear that I'm not a party to any of the on-goings in this thread. :| :wink:

I have been too busy lah, just checking out those 47 Horrible Science/Geography/History and what-have-yous books that finally arrived this evening. Thanks to ks2me's recommendation, I got the books at $3 per piece - and that includes DHL delivery right to my doorstep! I wonder who is more excited... my son or his daddy... though the books will be embargoed until after his SA2!

For those looking for this deal, check out this link http://clubs-shop.scholastic.co.uk/products/76103 . 47 great books for under S$100. Another great deal brought to you by the KiasuParents.com community :) (sorry... can't resist the plug).

ChiefKiasu
Site Admin
 
Posts: 15221
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:16 am
Location: Singapore
Total Likes: 319


Re: Tell me your Kiasu parenting experience! NTU student her

Postby ZacK » Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:21 pm

ChiefKiasu wrote:... my son or his daddy... though the books will be embargoed until after his SA2!


You just gave your son more reason to stick his face into the books :D ... Which to me is certainly better than them engrossed in computer games :|

ZacK
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2396
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:19 pm
Total Likes: 0


Next

Return to Recess Time