All about being a Daddy

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All about being a Daddy

Postby kiasimom » Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:14 pm

Hi all daddies.

Can you kindly share how you bond with your children especially sons?
My DH is a very strict and stern father and I am hoping that he can be closer to our DS. In short, I will describe him as an army commander. Only black and white and no grey.
I am worried the gap between father and son will grow bigger when DS grows older.

Needs advice from experienced daddies here.

Many thanks in advance :-)

kiasimom
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Postby penglee » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:19 pm

hi Mummy, I can be very strict when it comes to discipline :x
And, they sometimes gang up on me :cry:

But when it comes to play, my kids are encouraged to be adventurous and creative.

No conflict here.

I would normally engage and bond with them via outdoor activities.
Visit us--> sengkangbabies.blogspot.com

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Postby kiasimom » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:22 pm

penglee wrote:hi Mummy, I can be very strict when it comes to discipline :x
And, they sometimes gang up on me :cry:

But when it comes to play, my kids are encouraged to be adventurous and creative.

No conflict here.

I would normally engage and bond with them via outdoor activities.
Visit us--> sengkangbabies.blogspot.com


Hi penglee,

Thank you for being the first daddy to reply.
Do you have your own set of rules and regulations with your children?
Like:
Can only eat in the dining room?
Both hands must be places on the table when eating? etc etc

My DH has so many rules that I sometimes cannot breathe :stupid:

kiasimom
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Postby buds » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:30 pm

kiasimom wrote:Do you have your own set of rules and regulations.....
Both hands must be places on the table when eating? etc etc


I'm not a daddy. :oops: But i just thought to butt in for abit. :P
Ermmm... shouldn't it be no arms and elbows on the table? :?
Is the definition of both hands using fork and spoon or fork
and knife at all times kinda makan set-up?

Well, thank goodness only rules for the kiddies right?
For the dear wife, no rules i hope... :lol:

buds
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Postby kiasimom » Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:44 pm

Hi buds,

DH says both hands, means both elbows must be placed on the table. Cannot place the other hand on the chair :-(

Yes, I am lucky there is no rules for wifey or I might go bonkers!!!!

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Re: All about being a Daddy

Postby peterch » Tue Nov 24, 2009 9:20 pm

kiasimom wrote:Hi all daddies.

Can you kindly share how you bond with your children especially sons?
My DH is a very strict and stern father and I am hoping that he can be closer to our DS. In short, I will describe him as an army commander. Only black and white and no grey.
I am worried the gap between father and son will grow bigger when DS grows older.

Needs advice from experienced daddies here.

Many thanks in advance :-)


Hi, I am trying to speak from daddy side.... (At least from me myself)

Yes, I am a very strict daddy especially for my son. This is because I was quite spoilt during my childhood times. No daddy or mommy attention at all, only maid's care. :cry:

I know what I did wrong back then, so I am hoping my children especially my son would not do the same thing as me. I know that everytime I exercise rules for him, my wife will come to 'rescue', but I try to explain about my worries. I try to explain to my son too since he was 8.

Believe me, all these strict rules won't affect father son relation. But it's true that for some matter, usually son prefer talk and share to mom and not to dad (I did the same too) For other matters, he will get Dad no matter how hard and strict is the father.

By the way, my son is reading this post while I am typing and he smiles...... :celebrate:

peterch
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Postby jedamum » Tue Nov 24, 2009 9:35 pm

i want to butt in too.
i think mums play a very important role bridging the gap between child and dad.
while my husband is strict, he is the one that ds2 goes for specific play (eg climbing) and to ds1, is the smartest person in the family.
ds1 bonds with husband over things like computer games and lego.
ds2 bonds with husband over piggy rides and window climbs... :|

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Postby kiasimom » Tue Nov 24, 2009 9:50 pm

I am glad that the daddies and mummies who wrote in this thread has good father-son relationship.

Alas, this is not so for my family.
DH is very very strict and I can see that my DS is resenting that.
So most times I am stuck in between. DH says I must sing in the same tune as him but there are so many times that I have to rescue my DS as I think DH is too rigid.
I have borrowed parenting books from the library for DH to read.
Although he did make an effort to read, but I have seen no improvement on his parenting styles.
I know it may sound hard to believe but DH is really a very demanding and strict father and he expects DS and DD to obey his every instructions.

I do believe that discipline is very important in upbringing our children.
But too much is hard to swallow.

kiasimom
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Postby jedamum » Tue Nov 24, 2009 10:04 pm

kiasimum,
from what i read about your husband's behaviour, he reminds me of my late dad.....cannot wear skirt shorter than kneecap, cannot wear shorts out of the house, we got scolded for keeping long fingernails/fringes, have to sit properly, cannot eat (lollipop/icecream) and walk at the same time, cannot play card games (promote gambling etc), no phonecalls more than 5min etc etc.
how i feel now? my mum could have bridge that gap instead of shooing us off to bed everynight when he reached home in hope of 'saving' us from his lectures. i never understand what are the reasons behind some of his actions until one of my cousins (who have stayed with us for a while) shared his opinions with us.
what are the rationale behind these rules? talking to your kids about it and letting them see that the dad has their best interest and that the dad loves the kid although at times the methods may be a bit too stifling.

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Postby ZacK » Tue Nov 24, 2009 10:11 pm

To my son, I am both the angel :love: and devil :siam:

Angel in that I am outright in showing my love for my boys, I hug and kiss them all the time. I talk and make up stories and do things with my elder son, laugh and joke with him and basically things that he enjoys doing.

Devil in that I am the disciplinarian to him... My son can be really stubborn at times depending on his mood, but he will not get his way when he has been warned that his behaviour is not acceptable. So in that sense, I am strict to him. We have rules but mostly it's to do with manners, if he is being rude or impolite that is unacceptable... If I cant groom my son to be bright, the least I could do is groom him to be well-mannered.

If you feel that your hubs is too strict to the extent that it is being unreasonable... Perhap you may wish to intervene and ask your hubs to give your kids some slack.

There should be balance in how your hubs treat your kids i.e. Your kids must be able to feel that their dad loves them more than being strict or a disciplinarian to them.

Your hubs will be in the danger zone if all your kids feel about their dad that he is a strict father who imposes rules after rules after rules after rules and nothing else...

If your hubs is going over board... Ask him when you are alone with him... Have him to ponder... How he would want to be remembered by his kids? A father who is always mean and rigid or a father who is strict but most imptly remembered by them as being a loving dad?

:celebrate:

ZacK
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