Gatherings..

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Gatherings..

Postby kiasimom » Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:59 pm

My DH told me last night that his superior invited our whole family to her place for Christmas celebration on 7th December ( previously 29th, has been postponed )I am still contemplating if I should go.

I do not like to socialise with his colleagues as I do not know what to talk to them about.

I feel awkward in gatherings.

DH then tried to talk me into going with the children.

I have not decided yet and to be honest, I do not feel comfortable attending.

Seriously speaking, I feel that I have split personality.

I may seem active in this forum ( talks a lot here ...hee hee ) but when faced with a crowd, I feel uneasy.
When I am at a mall, I will want to leave asap as seeing a lot of people gives me headaches. :cry:

DH is still hopeful that I go.

Does anyone have a similar experience as me?
Last edited by kiasimom on Sun Nov 29, 2009 1:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Gatherings..

Postby jedamum » Sat Nov 28, 2009 7:29 pm

kiasimom wrote:
I feel awkward in gatherings.

Seriously speaking, I feel that I have split personality.

I may seem active in this forum ( talks a lot here ...hee hee ) but when faced with a crowd, I feel uneasy.
When I am at a mall, I will want to leave asap as seeing a lot of people gives me headaches. :cry:

haahaha...kiasimom,
welcome to the Split-Personality Club. 8)
kids aside, i don't attend my dh's friends' gathering for the same reason, and my dh understands that i tend to feel out of place in the company of people i am not familiar with :roll: . things got better when his friends become parents as then we have common topic to talk about.
but if my dh really wants me to go, i will attend. :)
just smile and smile and talk about the kids lor - kids are great ice-breaker. :wink:

p/s : i don't like crowded mall too; feels suffocating... :|

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Re: Gatherings..

Postby ZacK » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:02 pm

kiasimom wrote:My DH told me last night that his superior invited our whole family to her place for Christmas celebration tomorrow.

I am still contemplating if I should go.

I do not like to socialise with his colleagues as I do not know what to talk to them about.

I feel awkward in gatherings.

DH then tried to talk me into going with the children.

I have not decided yet and to be honest, I do not feel comfortable attending.

Seriously speaking, I feel that I have split personality.

I may seem active in this forum ( talks a lot here ...hee hee ) but when faced with a crowd, I feel uneasy.
When I am at a mall, I will want to leave asap as seeing a lot of people gives me headaches. :cry:

DH is still hopeful that I go.

Does anyone have a similar experience as me?


If you do not feel comfy... Best is dun go !

My wife is like you... She does not like to socialise with people she does not know.. So she ends up being very quiet to the extent that people thinks she is stuck-up. And for me... It's hard to have to keep her company and still socialise with my friends or acquaintances. So at least for me... Rather than force her to go... I'd rather I go alone and then tell the host that my wife has something on :wink:

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Postby kiasimom » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:04 pm

Hi jedamum,

I know just smile and smile ...haiz :oops:

I told DH that if I don't go with him, he can just mingle and chats with his colleagues freely.

If I am there, he has to attend to me too. "Entertaining" me so that I don't feel out of place.

I just want him to have a relaxing environment and enjoys himself fully.

Talking about children... most of his colleagues are single or not a parent yet.

So, I really don't know what to talk.

I don't want to be there and feel out of place.

Aiyah, it is so much easier "blabbling" online than to talk face to face... :siam:

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Postby kiasimom » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:06 pm

Hi Zack,

You echo my thoughts :celebrate:

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Re: Gatherings..

Postby westmom » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:16 pm

jedamum wrote:
kiasimom wrote:
I feel awkward in gatherings.

Seriously speaking, I feel that I have split personality.

I may seem active in this forum ( talks a lot here ...hee hee ) but when faced with a crowd, I feel uneasy.
When I am at a mall, I will want to leave asap as seeing a lot of people gives me headaches. :cry:

haahaha...kiasimom,
welcome to the Split-Personality Club. 8)
kids aside, i don't attend my dh's friends' gathering for the same reason, and my dh understands that i tend to feel out of place in the company of people i am not familiar with :roll: . things got better when his friends become parents as then we have common topic to talk about.
but if my dh really wants me to go, i will attend. :)
just smile and smile and talk about the kids lor - kids are great ice-breaker. :wink:

p/s : i don't like crowded mall too; feels suffocating... :|


I was like that too...dun like to socialise with people I don't know well. Then I married my dh who is worse than me. So when we "need" to attend functions, I felt I got to step "up" otherwise we appear dumb dumb. Slowly I forced myself to "open up" to make small talks...learn to talk general stuff like - food (places), holidays and kids..etc Now I am more at ease.. Sometimes we have to learn to "force" ourselves to come out of our shells...Yes, I also don't like crowded places- everyone goes to sales while I go when there is no sale!

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Postby kiasimom » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:21 pm

Hi westmom,

Thanks for your advice.

I know I have to open up myself... just don't feel like talking when I am with a crowd :oops:

I think DH will be better without me :wink:

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Postby autumnbronze » Sun Nov 29, 2009 1:38 am

I dislike attending gatherings that involve my DH's colleagues.

Because we believe in keeping our personal matters personal, therefore everytime I attend these these gatherings (if I can't :siam:), I have to watch myself and not reveal too much about ourselves. In the end, conversations end up being superficial. Amazingly, gossip thrive, even though I am not a staff member, I am privy to the gossip and that makes me really uncomfortable. Also, because some of the high ranking staff are also status conscious, hence the need to 'dress up' accordingly :roll:

My DH actually mentioned once in passing that among his colleagues in his dept (he is quite senior there), we are the only ones living in a HDB flat. He wondered how they would react if they found out :D. I asked him whether it mattered to him what they think, he said no cuz we live in a nice area and have great amenities nearby and most importantly, NOW is NOT the right time to buy property. So thats that.

(Words in capital are to show that I agree wholeheartedly with my DH)

As for family gatherings, its another matter. They are obsessed about weight, esp my MIL. So mealtimes are a torture cuz she'll never let us eat in peace, she will deconstruct the dish and try to analyze what are the ingredients, how much fat is in that dish and that we shouldn't eat too much of it (if they are not cooked by her) etc.... But I have learnt to live with it, its just one of her eccentricities. :lol:

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Postby kiasimom » Sun Nov 29, 2009 1:59 am

Hi autumnbronze,

We are pretty much in a similar position.

Yes, I have to dress up to attend DH's gatherings. I can't attend without proper dress code and makeup. I know it is a form of respect to dress up , but I am better off at home with my t-shirts and shorts ..hee hee

I do not like to attend meal gatherings with my ILs too. I feel very stressed up. MIL and BIL are both educators. Topic they talk about can be very stressful. MIL is a stubborn lady who has her own sets of beliefs so when she comments, we have to agree or will get on her bad books and she will remember for as long as she lives.

Having a meal makes me jittery and I will always ask DH to make up an excuse to stay away.

If I have to go ( that is if no choice ), I will usually keep quiet throughout the whole course.

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Postby jedamum » Sun Nov 29, 2009 2:16 am

actually strangely, one of the reasons to avoid such gatherings is that i find it weird to see my husband when he is not in his husband-mode. seems very awkward seeing him in work (too serious) or friends mode (cold/insensitive jokes etc). am i crazy? whahhahaha...

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