Taking Leave to attend to child care matters

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Who usually takes leave to attend to child care matters? (For FTWP only)

The Mother
18
90%
The Father
2
10%
 
Total votes : 20

Taking Leave to attend to child care matters

Postby waynemum » Fri Jan 01, 2010 6:49 am

Original Title: Why is Mum always the one to take leave?

Dear Mom,

do you face the similar experience?

I am always the one taking leave whenever my son needs me to care for him. Be it injection, enrollment in childcare, MIL not available etc and so on..

Always me but not my DH!

I am not complaining or shrinking my responsibilities as mum and i enjoy looking after my son. The problem is why can't my husband take leave just to look after DS or on occasion like his birthday or any special event?

I told him to take his leave sometimes so that i can save some of my leave for really urgent matters but he just simply refused to do so! His reason is always like without him the whole company can't operate!

I don't understand why he is keeping his leave for and i always tell him he will only take leave if i die and he need to attend my funeral is it????

He worked for his own uncle so even if he don't use his leave, it will not equate to : Unused leave= money nor carry forward...

He has a SOLID IRON rice bowl as he work for his own uncle who really dote on him and for me it's different.

I just started working for this new company in May this year after giving up my good paying job to look after my DS for nearly 3 years.

I had lost that 3 previous years of my career and salary advancement and i am now on a lower payroll compared to my last job.

I don't mind as u gain some u lose some.

Gain: I am able to be the main care giver for my DS during the 1st 3 crucial years of him growing up. Satisfaactory.

Lose: Career and salary advancement.

No regret but DH somehow don't understand that i wanna catch up with lost time and wanna earn as much as before but how is it possible as my company knew that i am more committed to family than work based on the numer of annual leave and childcare leave i had taken over 7 months. But to my DH, what's wrong with that? U work for the company and not sell your life. Tha's my entitlment.

That's true but from a company point of view is how can we promote you if u r not able to commit to the company?

My DH will never experience the pressure i have to face as he boss is his uncle but i am working for somebody else.

My DH always tell me " You can choose not to take leave if you can bear to leave him alone" and he know i will never do that that's why i am always the one ending up using all my leave!

waynemum
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Postby ZacK » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:18 am

1. Is your DH close to your son?
2. Does he share the same sentiments as you wrt bringing up junior? Perhaps he feels that he does not have to "pamper" kids and they will grow up fine?

Why I am asking is because I gather from your posting above that he comes off as kind of "aloof" and "bo chap"... Is he generally like that with most issues except his work?

If you feel that you can communicate with DH, perhaps you should start with sharing with him your expectations as a COUPLE when it comes to raising junior... He must have the "buy in" in order that you will have a shared responsibility when it involves your son.

Some examples for my case:
- I missed my son's K1 concert last year, DW was telling me that DS1 was looking out for me etc. I naturally want DS1 to be happy and not feel that I do not care abt him, so all it took was for DW to remind me and this year I took half day leave so that I can go for his graduation concert.

- When it comes to injections, most of the time, we would arrange on Sat morning when both of us are available and will go together to the clinic.

- There are other occasions when DW could not get off work last minute, I took emergency leave to attend to the little ones... Well helps that my home is 15min drive from work :wink:

- DW is on leave in Jan, so I am not taking leave come Monday to send DS1 for his first day of school...

Given that our junior came out from both of us, my pt is raising our kids is a joint responsibility... More like a tag team, sometimes one parent must bear the torch to "forge forward" and when tired the other parent will take over.

So my approach in your case, would be to have a good chat with DH. Need to understand what are his views when it comes to raising your kids and whether they are aligned with your parenting style... If both styles are different... best is to reach a consensus and mutual agreement before moving off.

Do not be disgruntled or disheartened... Hope all will work out for you ;) :celebrate:

p.s. But if DH is the bo chap type and does not bother with everything or anything type yeah... I will also :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

ZacK
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Postby jedamum » Fri Jan 01, 2010 10:48 am

ZacK wrote:1. Is your DH close to your son?

Zack, i think besides whether the DH is close to the son, whether DH is close to the DW also makes a difference. when i was working, if ds1 was sick i was of course the one who took leave cos cost/day wise, mine is more 'economical' :P , unless i was really busy, then either DH or FIL will take leave. Caring for ds is still primarily my scope. But now that i am a SAHM, DH offered to take leave if his schedule permits so that he can drive us around to medical checkups or first day of sch and my birthdays, anniversary etc etc - i have to remind him to keep his leave for urgent matters.

waynemum,
talk to your husband. get him to compromise. and take a while to ponder if him taking leave is going to solve the problem at hand, or add more problem (ie he doesn't know how to take care of an ill child). is your husband entitled to childcare leave from his uncle? if yes, don't let it go to waste ah. :)

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Postby schellen » Fri Jan 01, 2010 11:07 am

When I was working, I only took leave if my DD1 was really sick cos when she is at that stage, she is extremely cranky and stubborn and refuses to obey instructions, even to eat, drink and take her medicine. So mommy is the only one who can get her to do all that without protest, dunno why. Generally, DH can take leave more easily and has more leave so he will plan ahead leave days to take DD1 out to play, etc. Of course, I will also plan ahead for "big" events like birthdays, etc. Otherwise, it may seem to DD1 that I'm only on leave when she's under the weather.

Now that I'm a SAHM, it's obvious who should be the one to take DD2 for her check-ups and vaccinations. I don't mind that since DH can use his leave for other stuff like real emergencies, or if I'm sick myself and can't look after my DDs. And since it's the second round (being SAHM and mother), I'm okay on my own, most of the time.

schellen
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Postby mathsparks » Fri Jan 01, 2010 12:02 pm

Some possible reasons why mum's always the one to take leave are:
- our jobs are often deemed less important or more dispensable than the breadwinner's (usually the men) who has to climb the corporate ladder
- we've more leave
- and dare I even suggest it.. some men (the old-fashioned, lao tu types) don't like to be seen in clinics, schools etc..they percieved that as the women's zone..much like the kitchen is out-of-bounds to the king of the house.

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Postby Blobbi » Fri Jan 01, 2010 1:08 pm

My son super prefer me lah. Not that he's not close to Daddy, but it's that comforting from Mummy that he needs especially when he's sick.

Blobbi
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Postby FMz » Fri Jan 01, 2010 2:02 pm

not true

FMz
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Postby mathsparks » Fri Jan 01, 2010 3:50 pm

ermm, fmz, what's not true? :?

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Postby Blobbi » Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:13 pm

Yeah, FMz. What's not true? For awhile, I thought my hubby secretly monitoring my ksparents activity and putting his objections online :shock:.

Blobbi
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Postby tamarind » Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:30 pm

I think the most common reason is :
Most men think that looking after kids is the mommy's job.

Actually I know of mommies who do not care about their kids at all. If mommy doesn't care, than daddy has to care. So if you want your hubby to do something, you need a heart made of iron. Don't worry, kids are tougher than you think :wink:

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