Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

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Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby 12mum » Tue Jul 28, 2015 7:18 pm

Always remind myself to take a step back and appreciate my kids.


http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapore/ ... er-suicide
Maureen KohTHE NEW PAPER
Tuesday, Jul 28, 2015



She was still coming to terms with the death of her teenage granddaughter, who had committed suicide over scoring two Bs in her O levels.

But three months after the 16-year-old plunged to her death, Ng Siang Mui's grief-stricken and guilt-ridden daughter, who was the teen's mother, also killed herself. The tragic double deaths have left her son-in-law, who is the teen's father, mentally unstable.

More children and teenagers have been seeking help for suicidal thoughts, said the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS).

SOS said that in 2013, 224 children and teens aged 19 and below wrote in to them through its E-mail Befriending Service. From this group, 163 were considered to be at real risk of suicide.

SOS is concerned about this age group because of the rise in the number of youngsters seeking help - it saw 65 more young people in 2013, compared with the year before.

Yesterday, SOS also said that suicides among males had increased by 29 per cent, from 227 in 2004 to 292 last year, while female suicides had decreased by 20 per cent, from 154 in 2004 to 123 last year, The Straits Times reported.

In an interview with The New Paper, Madam Ng, 71, shared the devastation and anguish of the tragedy that began in January when, just three hours after getting her results slip, her granddaughter jumped to her death.

Except for two Bs - in English and Mathematics - the student had scored distinctions for her other subjects.

The only child left a note for her parents: "Mum, I am sorry for being a disappointment. I should have done better.

"Dad, I am sorry you will not have the chance to walk me down the (church) aisle to give me away."

Her parents used to fight over her education. The girl had been a straight-A student who attended a top school. The mother wanted to push her to excel and her father felt that the child should be left alone.

"My Xiao Mei (her granddaughter's nickname) was always affected whenever her parents fought over her studies," Madam Ng said in Khek.

"(My daughter) often compared Xiao Mei's results with those of her friends' children and would ask, 'How come so and so can do this and you cannot?' "

Xiao Mei's mother wanted her to get into medical school.

A family friend, housewife Lynn Wee, 45, spoke of how she and close friends tried to watch over Xiao Mei's mother after the funeral. Mrs Wee said: "She maintained a stoic front and even admitted that she would have been disappointed with her child's academic performance."

But that facade slowly slipped in the weeks that followed, said Madam Ng, who has three grandsons from two other children. Madam Ng said that a month after Xiao Mei's death, her father moved out. "That broke my daughter's heart."

A day before she killed herself, Madam Ng's daughter told her: "Ma, I shouldn't have pressurised Xiao Mei in her studies. You didn't do that to us when we were young and we all turned out fine."

The New Paper understands that Xiao Mei's father is seeking psychiatric help.

Added Madam Ng: "If only we had noticed or realised that Xiao Mei was suffering, we could have asked for professional help and this tragedy would have been prevented."

- See more at: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapore/ ... kJ90L.dpuf

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby sushi88 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:03 pm

This story is really tragic.
A society that goes after "A"s yet does not have the wisdom to know that life is more than just "A"s.

We need to strike a balance....the poor girl seemed to tag her self-worth to only "A"s, even a "B" was considered not acceptable and deemed herself a disappointment. And the poor parents too, who tried to keep up with everyone else....we should know there is no end to this..there is always a mountain higher somewhere.

We should teach our kids the beauty of accepting a fall and then learn to get up and climb again. That actually is the best gift they can give the parents...not perfect results.
For God has already blessed the kids something most important, a complete and healthy body and mind. If kids forget, blindfold them for a while to try to live for 15 minutes without vision..hope they realise that nothing is more wonderful to be born able to see, hear, smell, touch and taste. Why do we even take these 5 gifts in our lives for granted? :gloomy:

If parents forget too, please blindfold yourself for just 5 minutes....it is enough to understand it is good to live normally!

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby sinoboy » Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:18 pm

Contrast this to another who made bad friends in secondary school. IMHO the quality of the school matters. :sad:

http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapore/ ... n-she-fell

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby sushi88 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:42 pm

sinoboy wrote:Contrast this to another who made bad friends in secondary school. IMHO the quality of the school matters. :sad:

http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapore/ ... n-she-fell


Another tragedy....I believe teaching a child to love herself/himself is a more secured way than to rely on the schools they go to. Good schools also have its fair share of horror stories from the minority but if the parents can help to give the "vaccination" to the child to be immunized from the environment, it is a safer bet. Then you can be assured the child can stand on her/his own two feet in the face of temptation.

Good that you share this story but I do not understand the contrast :? ....there is no contrast, both kids died, no one is better than the other. Both are not enlightened about life. Even if the first kid did not befriend bad friends...making friends who only have academic excellence for comparison is also not healthy....just that it is harder to see it. :skeptical: or maybe you see something I do not see? :?

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby sinoboy » Tue Jul 28, 2015 10:06 pm

One student studied hard in a competitive environment but didn't achieve full As ended up depressed. Another one probably wanted to take a a less stressed education route but ended up in a normal secondary school environment but have schoolmates that have access to cannabis and from there the substance even upgraded to ice. :scared:

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby janet88 » Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:48 am

Such a tragedy. The girl is sandwiched between her parents.
Could this tragedy be prevented? :sad:

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby Dreamaurora » Wed Jul 29, 2015 5:02 am

I think as parents we all want our children to have better lives than ours. But unfortunately, we often equate these so called better lives as solely having more material wealth and prestige. And thanks to the meritocratic system of this country, it has been drilled into the mindsets of many parents that a stellar academic result is the best ticket to that better live. My mother brought me up under this kind of mindset, always comparing me with other children and not satisfied with my result no matter how much I tried. It led to me growing up socially impaired and many depressive episodes, and I would not be lying if I had not considered taking my life before. Thankfully, thanks to my faith, I managed to break out of this cycle (though at a great cost to my relationship with my parents for many years). My mother is much wiser now. Those many children she compared me to when I was younger didn't turn out so great in the end; though they might be considered successful in career, but many of them have pretty messed up lives.

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby Kidsprodigy » Wed Jul 29, 2015 7:14 am

The kids nowadays are under stress due to the competitiveness of the parents and education system. We probably should look at having our children learn things more holistically rather than just academically. Though academic is important, i feel that eq and confidence are equally important to excel when they graduate.

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby janet88 » Wed Jul 29, 2015 7:25 am

Kidsprodigy wrote:The kids nowadays are under stress due to the competitiveness of the parents and education system. We probably should look at having our children learn things more holistically rather than just academically. Though academic is important, i feel that eq and confidence are equally important to excel when they graduate.

kids and parents are often sucked into the stressful and competitive system. there are more things in life than studies but it is a daring move to do something different...childhood happens only once in a lifetime, but how many kids are truly able to enjoy that?

the poor girl had distinctions for the other subjects except for 2 Bs.
as an only child, the pressure on her to excel was very high.

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Re: Grandma loses grandchild and daughter

Postby lil_jade » Wed Jul 29, 2015 7:35 am

And also the case of the Canadian girl who turned the other way, killed her parents rather than herself.

http://www.thestar.com/news/crime/2014/ ... r_pan.html

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