Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

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Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby ashana » Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:07 pm

I'm not sure if this is the norm? I've just enrolled my child to CC 2 months ago. Within 2 months, there are 6 birthday parties. IMO, the celebrations is quite elaborated. It is like a competition among parents. I don't feel quite comfortable with the idea. I'm not so worried now because she is still young. I worried when she gets into K1-2. I don't want her to assume is an entitlement to celebrate birthdays extravagantly and use this as a yardstick to compare among peers. Worst, to compare how much she is loved. Am I worrying too much?

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby hercules » Sat Mar 05, 2016 1:45 pm

One of the key reasons of most schoolers wear uniform is for them to at least appear as 'uniform' as possible regardless of respective family financial backgrounds. Those flashy ones can 'supplement' the uniform with expensive bags, water bottles, shoes, etc.

If one wants to put a young child in Rome, then it's better to do like the Romans do, as it is much more difficult for majority of young children to understand 'why he has, I don't have' and therefore the child may grow up with different values of a 'good' parent.

Even you can tell the obvious harmful effects of having extravagant birthday celebrations in centre but the in-charge in your centre failed to see this. So, you can pretty much gauge how well-trained this person is in her preschool background (can't see the far reaching harmful effect, etc).

Feedback to the in charge about your concern. Suggest that celebration should be limited to max just a cake with goodies bags of less than $2 each and nothing else if parents wanna celebrate their princes' and princesses' birthdays in school. Chances are the school will not change (resistance to change and other parents' voices are likely to be louder than yours in protest), meaning it maybe time for you to look for another school that matches your values.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby janet88 » Sat Mar 05, 2016 2:06 pm

ashana wrote:I worried when she gets into K1-2. I don't want her to assume is an entitlement to celebrate birthdays extravagantly and use this as a yardstick to compare among peers. Worst, to compare how much she is loved. Am I worrying too much?

when my kids were in kindy, they were invited to birthday parties at mcdonalds every other month. however, i did not hold any parties for my kids...up till now, it is usually a cake and meal at home or a restaurant.
i've taught both of them never to compare with what their friends have...instead think of kids who don't even have proper meals.
fortunately they are sensible.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby ashana » Sat Mar 05, 2016 2:54 pm

hercules wrote:One of the key reasons of most schoolers wear uniform is for them to at least appear as 'uniform' as possible regardless of respective family financial backgrounds. Those flashy ones can 'supplement' the uniform with expensive bags, water bottles, shoes, etc.

If one wants to put a young child in Rome, then it's better to do like the Romans do, as it is much more difficult for majority of young children to understand 'why he has, I don't have' and therefore the child may grow up with different values of a 'good' parent.

Even you can tell the obvious harmful effects of having extravagant birthday celebrations in centre but the in-charge in your centre failed to see this. So, you can pretty much gauge how well-trained this person is in her preschool background (can't see the far reaching harmful effect, etc).

Feedback to the in charge about your concern. Suggest that celebration should be limited to max just a cake with goodies bags of less than $2 each and nothing else if parents wanna celebrate their princes' and princesses' birthdays in school. Chances are the school will not change (resistance to change and other parents' voices are likely to be louder than yours in protest), meaning it maybe time for you to look for another school that matches your values.


I appreciate the validation. I'm actually looking for another CC just because of this. My family thinks I'm overthinking and over reacting. :idea: I just wonder if this is the norm for the CC to do that?

While you mentioned goodies bags of $2...... On my child's first week, I was informed there will be a birthday celebration in school that day, I assume it is just a birthday song with cake cutting. I didn't expect to bring back an embroidered goodies bag that I estimate it costs at least $20+ each. Subsequently, the celebrations include inviting magician, party performers, photographer, cartoonists... ...etc It is just jaw dropping.

To me, if it is held privately, by all means to be as extravagant as you want but school is just not an appropriate place to do that.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby ashana » Sat Mar 05, 2016 3:06 pm

janet88 wrote:
ashana wrote:I worried when she gets into K1-2. I don't want her to assume is an entitlement to celebrate birthdays extravagantly and use this as a yardstick to compare among peers. Worst, to compare how much she is loved. Am I worrying too much?

when my kids were in kindy, they were invited to birthday parties at mcdonalds every other month. however, i did not hold any parties for my kids...up till now, it is usually a cake and meal at home or a restaurant.
i've taught both of them never to compare with what their friends have...instead think of kids who don't even have proper meals.
fortunately they are sensible.


You are cool! You've taught them well.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby janet88 » Sat Mar 05, 2016 8:35 pm

they have been taught not to compare. if they want to compare, then compare with those who don't even have clothes to wear and food to eat.
we stay in hdb, hardly eat at restaurants nor go for holidays.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby slmkhoo » Sun Mar 06, 2016 8:56 am

janet88 wrote:
ashana wrote:I worried when she gets into K1-2. I don't want her to assume is an entitlement to celebrate birthdays extravagantly and use this as a yardstick to compare among peers. Worst, to compare how much she is loved. Am I worrying too much?

when my kids were in kindy, they were invited to birthday parties at mcdonalds every other month. however, i did not hold any parties for my kids...up till now, it is usually a cake and meal at home or a restaurant.
i've taught both of them never to compare with what their friends have...instead think of kids who don't even have proper meals.
fortunately they are sensible.

I agree with Janet. And to be fair to the parents who spend more, they are not necessarily trying to up the "standards", but they just want to do something "nice" for their kids and the class and they can afford it. There is no necessity to try to match them. I have friends who are much wealthier than I am, and they do spend a lot on their kids. But they are also happy with simple stuff including home-made cakes, DIY goodie bags costing very little or no goodie bags at all etc. They don't regard it as a competition. Like janet, I took it as a good learning opportunity for my kids.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby ashana » Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:27 am

slmkhoo wrote:I agree with Janet. And to be fair to the parents who spend more, they are not necessarily trying to up the "standards", but they just want to do something "nice" for their kids and the class and they can afford it. There is no necessity to try to match them. I have friends who are much wealthier than I am, and they do spend a lot on their kids. But they are also happy with simple stuff including home-made cakes, DIY goodie bags costing very little or no goodie bags at all etc. They don't regard it as a competition. Like janet, I took it as a good learning opportunity for my kids.


I have no qualm if it is done privately but CC / school is just not an appropriate place to do that imho.

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby ashana » Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:41 am

janet88 wrote:they have been taught not to compare. if they want to compare, then compare with those who don't even have clothes to wear and food to eat.
we stay in hdb, hardly eat at restaurants nor go for holidays.


I don't know how to teach my child who is still in CC to understand that. They are too young to understand unless it is their inborn personality to be empathetic.

Maybe it is just me, I just think that CC/school should not inculcate elaborated birthday celebrations. It is not simply a matter of affordability... ...

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Re: Extravagant Birthday Celebrations in Childcare

Postby jetsetter » Sun Mar 06, 2016 10:52 am

Srsly, I dunno why you bother about what others are doing. You must have enrolled your child in some "Beverly Hills" CC, so you should expect her playmates and peers to be from a certain sort of "Paris Hilton" background, no?
:rotflmao:

You will not get magicians, cartoonists or photographers if you had enrolled her in PCF Sparkletots or My First Skool as firstly, there's no sprawling garden to do that, & secondly, the parents don't hv the budget!

I agree with your family that you're over-thinking and over-reacting. FTCC implies you are a FTWM right? Pls spare a thought for your child because children really look forward to CC birthday parties if you haven't realised! They don't really bother about cheap Polar cake or custommade 3D fondant cakes at nursery level, and not even in k1-2.

Well meaning working parents put in effort to source & pack those goodie bags as a token of appreciation for their kids' friends for their company/friendship (cos they have heard so much abt these bffs from the little ones at home), as well as for the Form Teachers, Music Teacher, P & CC staff for looking after their child for 10-12hrs * 5 days a week, including during gazetted school hols!

Why can't the children and teachers steal a little break to break the monotony of their daily 7am-7pm routine, & enjoy a bit of sponsored "carnival" per your description of the grandest party your child had experienced last month? I would be very grateful to those parents who brought joy and laughter and fun to my child whilst I am tied up at work you know! If every day is just another day of playing beads and bricks on the floor, won't your child be bored to tears?

And back to your chief gripe which is extravanganza. Not every one will splurge on birthday cakes n goodie bags, right? Some will just prepare a $2 goodie bag and home made cupcakes. It's the thought that counts. That e.g was an outlier I am sure!

The purpose of birthday parties/gatherings is to celebrate life and growth. Many a times parents don't want the hassle of organising and hosting parties at their flats, houses or condos. Logistics like gathering 20 of their child's four-yr-old buddies and finding parking for their parents to attend your baobei's house party can be a mega headache. Isn't it more advantageous for the CC to help you gather the kids, seat them, clean them, help serve the cakes, take group photos & videos, clean up (of course parents must chip in also) for you?

Afterall, not everyone's birthday falls on a weekend so by hook or by crook you must do it at the CC on the actual birthday ;) You can of course host a private family one at home; sure, by all means, go ahead. But that can't stop your child from eating other children's cakes for the rest of the year, even if she moves to another CC. It's the same practice everywhere!

Btw, I had never once heard my child comparing his goodie bag with other pp's, or complain about the value/ size of his cake. You mustn't think along this line and shouldn't even discuss about the value of other pp's goodie bag with your 4yo child imho. Kids are very innocent; they just want to hv a whale of a time with friends that they spend most time with (yes, more time than with YOU!). Just leave them out of this comparison thingy and go ahead to order your Polar cake. I don't think the other parents would bother if your goodie bags is worth just $2 or $20! You are sensitive to these because you feel pressured or inferior? I hope not!

You cannot stop others from splurging and doing something for their loved ones, because some but not all FTWMs do it out of "guilt" for not being w their DC 24/7, and leaving them in a day care centre for strangers to care. Imagine them leaving the house with a bagful of clothes, 'chow chow' and toothbrush at 6-7am to drop the kids off at the CC? Do you want to deny these high income workaholics from doing their bit for their baobeis? If you don't like being with these types of parents, pls enrol in those voiddeck ones.

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