Poll: What type of parent are you?

General comments and chit-chat, or tell us how we can improve KiasuParents.com

What type of parent are you?

Poll runs till Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:03 pm

Tiger parent
4
21%
Helicopter parent
2
11%
Snowplough parent
0
No votes
Free-range parent
1
5%
Attachment or gentle parent
8
42%
All of the above except Free-range
4
21%
 
Total votes : 19

Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby sleepy » Sun May 29, 2016 5:03 pm

http://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/what-type-of-parent-are-you


How you choose to raise your children could have a lasting impact on their development and ability to handle challenges in life
Rebecca English
What's the best way to raise your child? It's a question that has spawned numerous books, and seen authors race to coin the next quirky name for a new style of parenting.

And it turns out there are many styles. To date, some of the best-known categories are:
Tiger parents, who are seen as pushing their children to succeed according to the parents' terms.
Helicopter parents, who take over every aspect of the child's life.
Snowplough parents, who remove obstacles to make life easier for their child.
Free-range parents, who allow children a great deal of freedom.
Attachment or gentle parents, who are relaxed but set limits in line with the child's needs and character.
Psychologists generally talk about parenting as fitting into typologies, which are based on the work of Dr Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist known for her research on parenting styles.

So what does research say about the pros and cons of each of these parenting styles?

Tiger parents

TYPE OF PARENT

You expect first-time obedience, excellence in every endeavour and a child who never talks back.

WHO COINED IT?

Law professor and author Amy Chua popularised the term in her 2011 book, Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother. She describes tiger parents, often seen in Chinese families, as superior to Western parents. Chinese parents assume strength and don't shy away from calling their children names. They assume their children owe them, and expect their children to repay the debt by being obedient and making them proud.

WHY PARENTS CHOOSE THIS STYLE

Tiger mothers are, as Professor Chua attests, socialised to be this way by their cultural background. Thus, when they successfully demand an hour of piano practice, it's part of their cultural background that the child should comply. Western parents would have a hard time emulating the years of acculturation leading to such a moment.

Parents who follow this style might do so because they want their child to be successful. They could have deep insecurities about the future. These parents are most likely authoritarian.

PROS

Raising a child in this way could lead to them being more productive, motivated and responsible.

CONS

Children could struggle to function in daily life or in new settings, which might lead to depression, anxiety and poor social skills. But again, it's culturally dependent.

Helicopter parents

TYPE OF PARENT

You swoop in to rescue your toddler from every hardship; you're over-involved in your children's education and frequently call their teacher; you can't stop watching over your teenager.

WHO COINED IT?

Psychologist Foster Cline and education consultant Jim Fay coined the phrase in 1990 in their book, Parenting With Love And Logic. They describe helicopter parents as being confused about the difference between love and saving children from themselves. Another name for helicopter parenting is "overparenting".

WHY PARENTS CHOOSE THIS STYLE

They are likely to be scared for their child's future, perhaps like tiger parents. They might not trust their child's ability to navigate the world. They might think that, by hovering around, they can inoculate their children against failing.

There is probably a mix of authoritarian and permissive typologies here, but little research has been done on the style.

PROS

Parents could be overprotective, which might save their child or adolescent from unforeseen problems.

CONS

Children could lack emotional resilience and independence, which might affect them even into adulthood. Being a child of a helicopter parent could lead to an inability to control behaviour.

There's even an AskReddit devoted to the worst aspects of growing up with helicopter parents. In one story, the father followed the contributor, 21 at the time, to jury duty, because he didn't trust the contributor to do it properly. It's claimed that dad had a tantrum when he was kicked out by the security guard.

Snowplough or bulldozer parents

TYPE OF PARENT

You push all obstacles out of your child's way. Perhaps you've nagged the principal for a different teacher or bribed the coach to give your child a place on the team.

WHO COINED IT?

It appears the term was coined by former high school teacher David McCullough. Last year, he published a book, You Are Not Special, in which he implored parents to back off and let their children fail. It was based on a 2012 commencement speech he gave to high school students.

WHY PARENTS CHOOSE THIS STYLE

Maybe you think your child is exceptional, or too great to fail, and that's why you've identified with this parenting style.

In terms of typology, there are aspects of authoritarianism in the mix as such parents demand success (after all, they've bulldozed all obstacles from their children's path). However, they also score highly for permissiveness.

WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYS

There's no empirical evidence either way for the snowplough approach. However, there are a lot of blog posts and media articles devoted to the topic.

That said, the pros and cons are probably similar to those for helicopter parents. Bulldozer parents could help children feel safe and secure. But this style might also foster a sense of entitlement or narcissism in the child.

Free-range parents

TYPE OF PARENT

You believe your role is to trust your child. You equip them with the skills to stay safe, and then back off.

WHO COINED IT?

The term was made famous by a case of "neglect" involving former columnist Lenore Skenazy, who wrote about letting her nine-year-old son ride the New York subway alone. The experience led to her being labelled "America's worst mother", and prompted her to write a book aimed at fighting the perception that the world was getting more dangerous.

Her blog tries to connect parents with like-minded others who agree that children need safety jackets and helmets in order to safely experience their independence. The approach is about giving children the childhoods that their parents experienced in the 1970s and 1980s.

WHY PARENTS CHOOSE THIS STYLE

Psychologists and experts suggest that this style is a backlash against anxiety-driven, risk- averse child rearing.

Ms Skenazy could be right - maybe people worry too much about everything. While she cites responses from parents (and lawmakers) who think the approach is neglectful, it is probably more aligned with the authoritative typology, where parents believe in teaching children to look after themselves.

PROS

Children learn to use their freedom, be autonomous and manage themselves. They might also be better able to handle mistakes, be more resilient and take responsibility for their actions. It could also result in happier adults.

CONS

Problems with this style centre on the legal aspects of the approach. In Queensland, Australia, it is illegal to leave your child alone for an "unreasonable" time while, in other states, parents must reasonably ensure that their child is properly looked after. Queensland law does not define what an "unreasonable" time is, but parents breaching the code would be committing a misdemeanour and could face up to three years in jail.

Attachment or gentle parents

TYPE OF PARENT

You believe that a child's earliest attachment to caregivers informs all subsequent attachments. The argument suggests that strong emotional and safe physical attachments to at least one primary caregiver are essential to the child's personal development.

WHO COINED IT?

The philosophy is based on the work of psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth on attachment theory. The work began with Dr Bowlby in the 1950s. He also worked with Dr Ainsworth, who did some famous experiments with young children.

Attachment theory suggests that children who develop strong bonds with parents or caregivers in their early years have happier, healthier relationships as they age. The term was then popularised by a book dubbed the "baby bible" that was written in 1993 by the Sears, a family of medical professionals.

WHY PARENTS CHOOSE THIS STYLE

Parents might want children to be positive about themselves and their relationships with others as they mature. Attachment parenting is associated with the authoritative typology. Such parents try to balance high expectations with empathy, and this is associated with the best outcomes.

PROS

This environment provides a safe haven of love and respect in which to build the child's relationships and from which the child can safely experience the world.

CONS

The style could be be conflated with permissive parenting. It is also associated, somewhat contrarily, with over-parenting - some suggest that it is a name for mothers who can't let their child go. The style has been called anti-women or anti-feminist. Some say the style conflates the woman's role with motherhood, undoing the work of feminism, but others disagree.


The writer is a lecturer in Education, at Queensland University of Technology. This article first appeared in theconversation.com, a website of analysis from academics and researchers.

sleepy
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 9068
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:21 pm
Total Likes: 34


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby Newtandcucumber » Sun May 29, 2016 7:03 pm

I am a fusion of a tiger parent, a helicopter parent and a bulldozer parent. I have taken a week off from work to help ds in his end of year exams. Should be at a wedding today but am staying home as I have set him a target of attaining minimum of 90% in each school exam.

Newtandcucumber
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:08 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby janet88 » Mon May 30, 2016 10:51 am

i think i am a little of tiger mum (no talking back), helicopter, bulldozer and attachment...fortunately hubby allows me to take on these styles without interference.

janet88
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 33731
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:37 am
Total Likes: 111


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby Alicia_Q » Mon May 30, 2016 10:56 am

I think I am a little bit of everything lol. Yet I believe in teaching my kids to learn to face obstacles, at least it preps them for adulthood.

Alicia_Q
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 10:13 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby Newtandcucumber » Tue May 31, 2016 2:18 am

Alicia_Q wrote:I think I am a little bit of everything lol. Yet I believe in teaching my kids to learn to face obstacles, at least it preps them for adulthood.


I don't trust my kids with facing and addressing obstacles lol

Newtandcucumber
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:08 pm
Total Likes: 0



Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby Jennifer » Tue May 31, 2016 7:02 am

My style changes over the growing years with each child.

Jennifer
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 23239
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2008 1:10 pm
Total Likes: 106


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby slmkhoo » Tue May 31, 2016 7:31 am

Jennifer wrote:My style changes over the growing years with each child.

Same here. It also differs between kids depending on their strengths and weaknesses, the individual situation etc. Some situations are more important or the downsides are too great, so more help may be required; some situations are less important so it won't matter if we let them try and possibly fail.

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 8071
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:16 pm
Total Likes: 173


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby ngl2010 » Tue May 31, 2016 8:29 am

slmkhoo wrote:
Jennifer wrote:My style changes over the growing years with each child.

Same here. It also differs between kids depending on their strengths and weaknesses, the individual situation etc. Some situations are more important or the downsides are too great, so more help may be required; some situations are less important so it won't matter if we let them try and possibly fail.

Same here too.

ngl2010
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 6029
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 2:03 pm
Total Likes: 68


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby Funz » Tue May 31, 2016 9:07 am

Mine is, Confused Parent. :laugh:

I don't think any parent can stick to 1 style and only 1 style. Like Jennifer and slmkhoo, I also think the character of the child will influence what kind of style you will use.

While at some points in time I may have used this or that style, I think I am largely a Tiger as well as Free Range parent. Hardly ever a bulldozer, maybe a bit of a helicopter when they were younger but I find hovering very tiring.

Funz
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 10817
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 12:48 pm
Total Likes: 318


Re: Poll: What type of parent are you?

Postby sleepy » Tue May 31, 2016 11:57 am

My self assessment is I'm an attachment parent whereas dd2 said I'm clearly a helicopter parent
So I go with her assessment lor :lol:

sleepy
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 9068
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:21 pm
Total Likes: 34


Next

Return to Recess Time