SAHM to FTWM??

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SAHM to FTWM??

Postby PlayfulFairy » Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:37 am

Hi all,

I'm a soon to be SAHM to FTWM cos DH requests for me to work...His reasoning being 1) his work in MNC doesn't offer much job stability, 2) we have to pay for 2 private houses 3) we are gonna be parents of 3 kids soon.

Well, before I became SAHM, I was a FTWM and I enjoy my work somehow( or rather I enjoy the relationships with my colleagues!)

However, after becoming SAHM, I realised, hey, this is the vocation that I really want to do! I rather be a 'slave' of my family than to be a 'slave' of my job/money. Though being SAHM means I can's splurge on pretty clothes and shoes and no fanciful dining with colleagues, I'm most happy to spend time with my rascals at home. Moments spent with my own kids is most fulfilling. The first turn-over, the first step, the first time she calls "Mama"... I will miss smelling my babies early in the morning, preparing their meals etc...I love giving life to my family... Instead, I am going to slog like a buffalo again and probably will only have a few hours to bond with my kids everyday..

I feel very depressed at the thought of being a FTWM again
but I try to console myself that the kiddos are in good hands cos my mum is going to take care of them. However, my house will never be back to its Zen-state again cos we are against employing maids.. :(

PlayfulFairy
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Postby schweppes » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:04 am

Hi PlayfulFairy
A middle ground will be a PTWM. That may be a nice compromise to spend time with family and earning some :moneyflies: to maintain household and retail therapy expenses :lol:

Guess, the challenge is to find a company that allows for part-time work or contract work. :roll:

The downside is that, as it is contract work, the company will not pay u benefits - like medical, bonuses etc. Sometimes, also no CPF. If you want to take time off from work, then u will not be paid for the day/ hours that u are not at work. There is also the uncertainty that the company may not renew your contract once the contract work is over. :|

However, the upside is that it allows for time flexibility. There is still some income coming in and best of all, minimal administrative headaches.

When I made the decision to switch from FTWM to PTWM 5 years ago, it was really a leap of faith. True, I miss the $$, bonuses and my work seniority at my previous work place. But, so far, the sacrifice has been worth it. :wink:

Hope you will be able to find something that u want. All the best :celebrate:

schweppes
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Re: SAHM to FTWM??

Postby skunk » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:11 am

PlayfulFairy wrote:2) we have to pay for 2 private houses


is this really necessary?

Sometimes, the things we all do, is really penny-wise, pound-foolish. It's like doing so much to earn 10 cents, while losing $1 at the other end.

Personally, for a household with 2 young children or more, I find that it's pointless for a parent to go to work unless the pay is more than $5K a month. Imagine going to work just to earn $4K or $3K, then using the money for maid, childcare, tuition...is it really worth it? Not to mention the expenses incurred for work itself, transport, eating out, etc.

Not to mention the things that cannot be quantified with money...precious time spent with the children, coaching them and guiding them personally. Kid raised by maids are very different from kids raised by parents themselves. For all u know, the money saved from working might be needed to bail them out of trouble in the future, all because of less time spent with them now, that's the irony.

Just let go of 1 private house, and the prob is solved. Or let go of both, go stay in HDB, and life can even be "luxurious", not to mention comfortable.

Anyway, tell your DH:

1) which job is really stable nowadays anyway? Ask him to stop being paranoid and have more confidence in his abilities.

2) 3 kids only, what's the big deal? Our ancestors raised half a football team on a coolie worker's salary.

Nowadays people very weak wan haiz...

skunk
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Re: SAHM to FTWM??

Postby mummy of 2 » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:38 am

skunk wrote:
PlayfulFairy wrote:2) we have to pay for 2 private houses


is this really necessary?

Sometimes, the things we all do, is really penny-wise, pound-foolish. It's like doing so much to earn 10 cents, while losing $1 at the other end.

Personally, for a household with 2 young children or more, I find that it's pointless for a parent to go to work unless the pay is more than $5K a month. Imagine going to work just to earn $4K or $3K, then using the money for maid, childcare, tuition...is it really worth it? Not to mention the expenses incurred for work itself, transport, eating out, etc.

Not to mention the things that cannot be quantified with money...precious time spent with the children, coaching them and guiding them personally. Kid raised by maids are very different from kids raised by parents themselves. For all u know, the money saved from working might be needed to bail them out of trouble in the future, all because of less time spent with them now, that's the irony.

Just let go of 1 private house, and the prob is solved. Or let go of both, go stay in HDB, and life can even be "luxurious", not to mention comfortable.

Anyway, tell your DH:

1) which job is really stable nowadays anyway? Ask him to stop being paranoid and have more confidence in his abilities.

2) 3 kids only, what's the big deal? Our ancestors raised half a football team on a coolie worker's salary.

Nowadays people very weak wan haiz...


:goodpost: It is easy to lose sight of what's really important. I'm not saying money is not important, but if you have a roof over your head, food on the table. Most of the other stuff are really nice-to-have.

p/s: I'm a FTWM aspiring to be PTWM or better still SAHM :D
Last edited by mummy of 2 on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

mummy of 2
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Re: SAHM to FTWM??

Postby skunk » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:41 am

mummy of 2 wrote: I'm not saying money is not important, but if you have a roof over your head, food on the table. Most of the other stuff are really nice-to-have.


sometimes, we really can't have our cake n eat it too.

Sometimes i look at my puny bank account, and think, I would have alot more money without kids. But do i really want that?

When i think about it, i always end up saying "to hell with money, let me have my babies!" :love:

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Postby MMM » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:53 am

I seek to differ. I think every family has their own lifestyle and aspiration they want to achieve. So there's no right or wrong or necessary or not. It's a personal choice. If everyone thinks the same, i think S'pore will only have one form of housing.

I agree with your hubby that jobs are not secure. It's no longer about your abilities. Having gone through M&A in my ex-company, all levels were affected including the bosses. Yes, some find job faster than others but in current job market, it's also about employers out there who wants quality people at a lower cost. As we age and cost more, it's true that the competitive advantage is reducing. Also, we are just a number in the company's eyes and just a pawn. Should the cost cutting exercise comes, no one is spared. We recently have a senior person who was surprisingly given the handshake. We were all shocked and he was well liked. :!:

The other issue is also the pyramid thing. How many top guys do they need???? So yes compared to someone of a junior level, it's more difficult for people at mid level or top to get a job.

But on the other hand, it depends on your contribution to the household income too especially going back to labor market now. For that, your family got to do the computation. Also, in the case of contract role, it's just the term of contractual obligation with the company, that doesn't mean you work lesser hours or have lesser commitment. In my co, due to headcount constraints, we've lots of contractors and they are expected to work just as hard.

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Postby skunk » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:57 am

MMM wrote:I seek to differ. I think every family has their own lifestyle and aspiration they want to achieve. So there's no right or wrong or necessary or not. It's a personal choice.


I never say it's wrong or right. There's only such a thing as better or worse, and worse doesn't mean it's wrong.

I do know of kids brought up by maids that are relatively ok, and kids brought up by parents that are a total mess. But we won't wanna take chances, won't we?

Similar to other threads that i've contributed, my views may be extreme, but they're just my views. Nobody is forced to agree. Of course, some people choose to have more money, over more time with their kids. I won't say they shouldn't, but i can't be forced to support their choice, can i? :lol:

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Postby PlayfulFairy » Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:14 am

Thanks for all the replies :D

Well, the issue is DH's company is doing another round of retrenchment this year. Like what MMM mentioned, it's more difficult for top or middle level people to get jobs and the handshake is given out to sections of the company, regardless of how outstanding or well-liked you are...

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Postby qms » Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:22 am

PlayfulFairy wrote:Well, the issue is DH's company is doing another round of retrenchment this year. Like what MMM mentioned, it's more difficult for top or middle level people to get jobs and the handshake is given out to sections of the company, regardless of how outstanding or well-liked you are...


Hi PlayfulFairy!

Search within your heart. Ask yourself what do you REALLY want? Is the supposedly/perceived "crisis" (financial burden) due to the fact that you have two private properties? You have to evaluate your investment portfolio and decide what you want.

Like what skunk mentioned above, you cannot have a piece of cake and eat it. Many people would love to be in your position (own private properties on single income), but how many could actually afford it?

qms
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Postby PlayfulFairy » Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:28 am

Hehe what I really want is to be a tai tai, with my mum helping me at home(no maids please!).

Well, DH argues that we will need lotsa money for 3 kids, pay for their education etc(save for 3 overseas education in case). He says that even if we sell our houses, we will still need lotsa money.

Sigh he is the one with financial acumen, with all the investment portfolios whereas I'm a financial idiot. Haha I'm only good in giving love and spending money...

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