SAHP or working is better?

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SAHP or working is better?

Postby smurf » Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:47 pm

This topic has make me think...

recently I went to a relative gathering...

A cousin who has a son (nephew), he is a very obedient, very 'kwai' boy since very young. when the parents said something or give instruction, he would obediently follow...and his behaviour is unbelievably good...to the extend that, if you ask him to stand, he wouldn't sit...

So this nephew grew up and is now 13 year old...his result is also very good, going to Raffles Institution and results are also among TOP 3...he plays games, but he is very 'zi dong'(automatic)...he wouldn't play game for hours and then forget to study...

He doesn't come from a well to do family, his dad was a cab driver, and mum is also working I think, which is why he was been sent to childcare since young...

and I saw another example:

my bro kids...my SIL is not working and has been looking after kids since the kids were young...and they are now in their teens...doing not so well in studies...both scored barely good enough for express stream and are now in average schools...

This set me to think...(bacause I'm a SAHM), is it worth the effort and sacrifices (career advancement, $$, etc) to stop working and continue being a SAHM or go back to work?

This lead me to the next question: does it mean that being a SAHM, that means you have more time to teach the kids?

There are tons of chores to do...from mopping floor, to cooking, etc...and sometimes, dun even have time to lunch...whereas, being a FTWM, you can have your time slowly lunching with colleagues...and kids basic needs are being taken care of (by maids, childcare, or parents, etc)...but of course, after work, gotta rush back, pick up kids, cook, etc...

smurf
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Postby qms » Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:37 am

Personally, I think it depends on how "hungry" the children are. For the first case, the boy could have known that his parents had to slog to earn money. Even with hard work, the monetary rewards somehow just can't seem to match those of the more well-to-dos. He could have longed for certain things but couldn't get them because his parents couldn't afford them, and hence, this made him realise he must do well in his studies in order to improve his standard of living in future. Parents need not be highly educated to inculcate good values in the children, too.

As for the second case, the parents could have given the child too much (we always want the best for our children, right?) that the child had become complacent?

It's like the case of the top PSLE scorer last year. To me, she was very hungry, and had the desire to excel.

Just my two cents.

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Postby ooptimizer » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:17 am

I agree with qms - hunger is what drive the child. The problem is how to create the hunger?

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Postby Blobbi » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:39 am

There are only so many variables that a parent, working full time or not, can control. A lot depends on the kid themselves and their inherent personalities. What we can do is attempt to shape them and give them a good moral grounding and communicate key values to them. For that, we need time.

I'm doing a quick survey in my head among my relatives and friends - whether there is more money or not at home, having an sahp generally does mean better behaved and better performing kids. Most seem to have taken the same route - ACS, ACSI/RI. Maybe there is more time to communicate family values to the kids as they are growing up. I know one family - very rich, only son, extremely sensible. He wouldn't even open his birthday present (game console) before his exams! He's not super compliant, but he's got his priorities - he wants to maintain his top position in class.

BTW Smurf, is being super compliant a positive trait? I find that a bit unhealthy leh.

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Postby skunk » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:53 am

ooptimizer wrote:I agree with qms - hunger is what drive the child. The problem is how to create the hunger?


U can't create hunger. Either the child is brought up inherently hungry, or simply isn't. I know of kids from rich families that are brought up hungry, and I know of kids from poor families brought up lazy and spoilt.

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Postby skunk » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:55 am

Blobbi wrote: having an sahp generally does mean better behaved and better performing kids.


generally speaking, yes, children with a SAHP generally turn out better, either/both in character, achievements, or simply a greater sense of confidence and security.

Humans like to bring in exceptions to justify their choices, but seriously, it's a probability game, and we won't want chances to be stacked against us, whenever possible, isn't it?

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Re: SAHP or working is better?

Postby sleepy » Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:19 am

smurf wrote:This lead me to the next question: does it mean that being a SAHM, that means you have more time to teach the kids?



I think the child's personality plays a part too. It's very hard to conclude SAHP or FTWP better in nurturing their children. Every child's personality is different.

Say if I were to give my kids the same instruction, my dd1's default answer is likely to be 'NO, I don't want' whilst my dd2's musical answer is 'Yes, mummy'. They grow up in the exact same environment with same values & influence. Hence I can only attribute their differences to personalities? Have to tackle them differently to achieve the same desired outcome

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Re: SAHP or working is better?

Postby jedamum » Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:47 am

sleepy wrote:
smurf wrote:This lead me to the next question: does it mean that being a SAHM, that means you have more time to teach the kids?



I think the child's personality plays a part too. It's very hard to conclude SAHP or FTWP better in nurturing their children. Every child's personality is different.

Say if I were to give my kids the same instruction, my dd1's default answer is likely to be 'NO, I don't want' whilst my dd2's musical answer is 'Yes, mummy'. They grow up in the exact same environment with same values & influence. Hence I can only attribute their differences to personalities? Have to tackle them differently to achieve the same desired outcome

i agree. products from same factory, same environment can have different outcome also.
and also, parent's personality plays a part too. some parents make good sahp while others make better parents when they are ftwp (cos absence makes the heart grown fonder?).

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Postby autumnbronze » Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:20 pm

Parents' personality (is the SAHP nurturing, etc ..), environment they (parents and kids) are brought up in etc ...

Quite a few variables to consider there.

I have a few frds who are SAHP but their kid (one child) are utterly spoilt, no discipline etc ... only because they do their own thing and their child does his. Some don't cook nor do hsework, please :roll:

JMOHO - I believe that the child's personality is predominantly determined by his parents'/family upbringing. Of course, there are the exceptions, but in my view, very very few.

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Postby smurf » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:39 pm

Super compliant may not be good in some kids, but this 1st boy that I quoted seems to understand that what he is supposed to do and what he is not. and what is good for him and what is not good for him.

another group relative: The parents are working. all 4 children are very well behaved since young. to the point that, when I asked them to sit there, they wouldn't move an inch! wow, where to get such children! this is better than won some lottery man!hahah.

and the eldest boy is already studying at NUS and has won few scholarships. I'm very amazed by the parents teachings. they never nag, never had to scold their children and yet the children grew up to be very fine.

and then, I looked at another family (Parents also working): parents quite rich, can have any game set (nintendo, PS2, etc) they want. went to very good primary school (because the mum wanted them to attend), but later on drop out. only thing is the mum very nagging.

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