I feel yuan wang! I am misunderstood as being snobbish

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I feel yuan wang! I am misunderstood as being snobbish

Postby kaitlynangelica » Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:25 pm

Anybody ever felt that way?

Today I was talking to my colleague over lunch. Suddenly she turned round to me and said that I will never understand a family's difficulty of not being able to pay fees. I told her point blank that I was personally very offended. Yes I may have grown up in a more privileged family. Is that my fault? Is it snobbish of me to have sent my child to an elite school in Bukit Timah? Is it wrong of me to talk about enrichment classes? Was it a crime to have had a slightly better childhood financially? does it mean I have to please others all the time, watch my back and think twice about everything I say? Life will be awfully tiring right? And is it wrong to share that my parents are educated, graduates to be exact. I am not doing exactly well myself. I had my fair share of emotional hardships growing up as well.

Just ranting..............I felt so hurt when Ms xxx said that I had a way of making her feel like thrash.

I take pride that I am a well brought-up person, parents having thought me the value of money and made sure that I knew poverty existed.

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Re: I feel yuan wang! I am misunderstood as being snobbish

Postby jedamum » Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:55 pm

kaitlynangelica wrote:Today I was talking to my colleague over lunch. Suddenly she turned round to me and said that I will never understand a family's difficulty of not being able to pay fees. I told her point blank that I was personally very offended. Yes I may have grown up in a more privileged family. Is that my fault? Is it snobbish of me to have sent my child to an elite school in Bukit Timah? Is it wrong of me to talk about enrichment classes? Was it a crime to have had a slightly better childhood financially? does it mean I have to please others all the time, watch my back and think twice about everything I say? Life will be awfully tiring right? And is it wrong to share that my parents are educated, graduates to be exact. I am not doing exactly well myself. I had my fair share of emotional hardships growing up as well.

Just ranting..............I felt so hurt when Ms xxx said that I had a way of making her feel like thrash.

not sure about how is her tone on her above statement though but,...ah....put yourself in her shoes and try to see from her POV; since she had made her stand clear, it will be better to limit such conversation in her presence.
i once mentioned (on separate occasions; and i shall not go into details) to a few people that they will never understand the stress we parents participating in p1 registration Phase 2C faced cos their alumni status ensure a guaranteed spot in Phase 2A for their kids; i got 2 kinds of responses; one agreed with me while the other called me a sour grape.
was i hurt? for a moment, yes. but we can control our own emotions; if you wanna stand by your comment/principle, be prepared to face those who have their fair share of opposing views; if not, agree to disagree and don't get too upset over it.
hope you are feeling better now.

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Postby auntieM » Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:23 pm

Hi kaitlynangelica,
Dun take it too hard, there will always be people around you like that one...
Sometimes don't mean to be selfish or anti-social, I choose to listen only instead of yakking my real thoughts away cause I kena before.
Dress nice, kena swan, dress casual kena swan.
Talk about DS having fun at school, people stare like I'm lying.
What to do? Don't let them get to you k :hugs:

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Postby auntieM » Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:45 pm

My DH cousin's wife is from HK and we use to see each other quite often.
We were at dinner with old folks and mutual friends from HK when the subject about schooling was brought up....
Their son is in a neighbourhood school because her DH didn't want to 'try' others.
Halfway swallowing my dinner I almost choked cause she raised her voice and was yelling ' This is stupid and ridiculous, they don't have to do anything and yet they get in the school they want, so unfair!!'
I didn't want to drama with her in the restaurant and kept quiet while other diners turn to stare :x
That happened about half a year ago and I make sure I :siam: her...
I didn't even say anything to provoke her! yuan wang ahhhhhh

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Postby tutormum » Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:36 am

Not only was I yuan wang by DH SIL1, she purposely did it as she knew that I was not snobbish and very simple in thoughts and action. SIL1 everything also 1 2 win and is jealous if anybody is better than her. I've earned some money from the enbloc of my house and she was :rubhands: and made lots of sarcastic remarks eversince. She is very how lian in her ways. One day, she asked where DS3 was and I told her that he went to China for an exchange program. I stated that it's worth it cos only had to pay about $300. Immediately she snared that I thought so cos I'm loaded. :x :x Meanwhile, her DD also went for an exchange program to China and she :rant: that she had to pay about $400. However, SIL2 was surprised when I told her what transpired. Apparently, SIL1 told her that her DD trip is very cheap and doesn't want her miss the opportunity. I guess this was so cos both their DH are running the family business which has seen much better time and they have been tightening their belts as they have even thought of closing it down. So SIL has to justify spending on her DD trip as the money is ah gong one :P

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Postby Blobbi » Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:41 am

Hi kaitlynangelica,

How did Mrs xxx say it? What it was her tone? Some people don't mean it badly, although like what tutormom and and auntiem has said, some people do. Someone told me once that she thinks I'm so priviledged, I must be unreliable at work. Hallo. I won awards in my industry because I worked dam hard, not because of anything else.

For me, I don't give a hoot about the material stuff, hahaha! I carry my Tod's, my Pradas if I feel like it. Hey, I love them! Or I carry the free bag that I got from Shiseido's, cos I love that too! Some of my friends own diamond rings that are macam goli. I can't afford it lah, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying the view leh :). Everybody feels happy. Isn't it nice to treat yourself well to whatever extent you can/want to? I don't let anyone make me feel bad about that!

The problem is, some people like to compare and they feel unhappy as a result. Sure lah. In life, it's yi shan bi yi shan gao, so of course there are people who are far better off than me, just like there are people who are worse off. We should just enjoy people for what they are and the joy they bring to others. Maybe the simple lesson is, if some people stopped comparing and started enjoying what they have, they'll be a lot happier too! :celebrate: :celebrate:

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Re: I feel yuan wang! I am misunderstood as being snobbish

Postby Blobbi » Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:48 am

jedamum wrote:... but we can control our own emotions; if you wanna stand by your comment/principle, be prepared to face those who have their fair share of opposing views; if not, agree to disagree and don't get too upset over it.


So true, Jedamum. I fervently hope I haven't been a knucklehead in being insensitive to other people. Yah I've felt the barbs before, although generally with me, it's water off a duck's back. I know most people really don't mean it most of the time, or it came off wrongly. ALTHOUGH, if a person repeated it often enough (and there are people who have), then I know to avoid lor. Ces't la vie. :D

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Postby kaitlynangelica » Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:12 am

Gosh..............I didn't expect to get any replies from my little rant.

To put things in perspective, me and Mrs XXxx have been good friends and so I didn't expect her to be so sensitive. For eg, when I heard that one of my friends spends $3k a month on sending her two kids off for tuition, it didn't affect me. I just feel that well, u can afford it so good for u. Likewise, I have another friend who has 3 boys and has a driver to fetch them around. I don't get affected either...............just a little amused because I didn't know that chauffeurs still existed these days.

I guess the one thing I can say is that Mrs Xxxxxx has a different social circle. I think she is less surrounded by such 'successful' ppl and so such things surprise her. So by talking about them, she thinks that I am envying them.

But on hindsight now, I have always had this problem. Indeed, I was quite priviledged as a child. By the time I was 12, I got to travel to Disneyland. I had elaborate birthday parties till the age of 6 which was quite unheard of at that time. Both my parents are graduates from the University of Singapore and speak fluent English. As a result, there were able to guide me very well right until university. But on the other side of the coin, I am proud to say that they are also very simple and down to earth. Ever since I was a little gal they have brought me to one-room flats whenever the church gave out white gifts. My parents will not buy branded bags either. They are extremely thrifty. But the one things they have always emphacised is to read a lot and broadedn my horizons which I am grateful for. Similarly, they are highly encouraging if I like to send my daughter for enrichment classes because they see the value of education.

So is it wrong for me to mention on a by the way basis what happened during my childhood? With this person, I just realised that even mentioning about buying insurance for dd's education in the future made her feel not good because she didn't see the need to do so. She is amazed that fear of financial instability stopped me from trying for a child earlier. But i think differently. Can't bring myself to 'dui bu qi' my gal by not giving her the best in terms of education. And I will not like some other ppl, recycle their kid's ang paos. I just think its not right to rob your children. Sorry thats how I feel.

And Blobbi , what is wrong with carrying branded bags as long as u don't force it down other ppl's throats.

AunteM, why should your DH cousins' wife get jealous? After all they didn't even try at all so whats the problem? And what is wrong with saying that Ds is having fun at school?

Jedamum, I might as well live as a reculse if I have to think about everything I say.
Last edited by kaitlynangelica on Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Blobbi » Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:32 am

kaitlynangelica wrote:And Blobbi , what is wrong with carrying branded bags as long as u don't force it down other ppl's throats.


:celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:

kaitlynangelica wrote:Jedamum, I might as well live as a reculse if I have to think about everything I say.


Personally, I do watch it. Although how great your childhood was should be kosher what. Not like you can help it. Maybe take it in stride. If you view her as a friend, just let it slide. Some people don't realize the impact of what they say, and there is no ill will on her part.

[jmho]

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Postby kaitlynangelica » Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:46 am

Personally, I do watch it. Although how great your childhood was should be kosher what. Not like you can help it. Maybe take it in stride. If you view her as a friend, just let it slide. Some people don't realize the impact of what they say, and there is no ill will on her part.

[jmho]


Yes I do watch what I say but IMHO, I don't think I am unreasonable. I have always been in the front-line doing sales. Maybe thats why I am a little bit more outspoken. Ever since I switched to do back-room/admin work, I have found that the ppl are vastly different. Sorry if I am offending anyone here but this is a forum so I will just say what I feel like saying. Ppl who have spent a large part of their life doing admin/back-office tend to be more calculative, narrow-minded and sensitive. Oh goodness I am so rude here but I don't know where else to rant if not for KSP.

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