All About Teaching Values

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

All About Teaching Values

Postby ChiefKiasu » Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:11 pm

So much has been put on academic enrichment that I fear we parents have lost track of what is more important - character development.

How does one instill good values in a child, such as honesty, self-reliance and perseverence? I think we all know that the best way to impart values and principles is to live them ourselves as parents, but supposed that's been done and it is still not working? What do you do?
Last edited by ChiefKiasu on Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby super_dad » Fri Feb 01, 2008 8:26 am

Lesson number 1: sell him to a poor family. He will learn lots of values very quickly.

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Postby ChiefKiasu » Fri Feb 01, 2008 9:01 am

super_dad wrote:Lesson number 1: sell him to a poor family. He will learn lots of values very quickly.


I was thinking of something less... um... entrepreneurish?

Like getting him involved in some voluntary work with kids with families in need of financial assistance, or old folks' homes, etc. But I'm not sure which are the ones to go for.

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Postby jedamum » Fri Feb 01, 2008 10:01 am

ChiefKiasu wrote:
I was thinking of something less... um... entrepreneurish?

Like getting him involved in some voluntary work with kids with families in need of financial assistance, or old folks' homes, etc. But I'm not sure which are the ones to go for.

hm...charity begins at home. Personally, I feel that the kid must understand the meaning behind doing voluntary work instead of just going through the motion, or even worse, do it for the sake of finishing some curriculum modules.

Values that I reinforce at home:
1. Honesty
'Don't think that if you don't say, Mummy will not know. Mummy knows Everything' :D
Actually, I emphasize on honesty by praising the boy first for reporting a deed done then followed by reprimanding him for doing the deed (if it is wrong). At the same time, I will reinforce the value of being honest and thank him for being honest.
'Being upfront with one's mistakes gets lighter punishment than waiting for Mummy to find out what happened.'

2. Empathy
Through newpapers articles, stories and tv programmes (particularly SG drama productions), I explained to my boy the experiences that the victims/characters are going through. At times giving personal views and other scenerios to challenge his thinking, I set his thinking 'right' if it differs from our values.

3. Perserverance and Self Reliance
Currently using me trying hard to get a driver's license as a lesson to my boy to be self reliant and learning is not age-restricted.

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Postby ChiefKiasu » Fri Feb 01, 2008 10:17 am

jedamum wrote:hm...charity begins at home. Personally, I feel that the kid must understand the meaning behind doing voluntary work instead of just going through the motion, or even worse, do it for the sake of finishing some curriculum modules.

Values that I reinforce at home:
1. Honesty
'Don't think that if you don't say, Mummy will not know. Mummy knows Everything' :D
Actually, I emphasize on honesty by praising the boy first for reporting a deed done then followed by reprimanding him for doing the deed (if it is wrong). At the same time, I will reinforce the value of being honest and thank him for being honest.
'Being upfront with one's mistakes gets lighter punishment than waiting for Mummy to find out what happened.'

2. Empathy
Through newpapers articles, stories and tv programmes (particularly SG drama productions), I explained to my boy the experiences that the victims/characters are going through. At times giving personal views and other scenerios to challenge his thinking, I set his thinking 'right' if it differs from our values.

3. Perserverance and Self Reliance
Currently using me trying hard to get a driver's license as a lesson to my boy to be self reliant and learning is not age-restricted.


Thanks for the good advice. I do practice what you mentioned for honesty, but it hasn't been working lately. Also, not sure if the SG dramas are really good as examples - there's quite a bit of sexuality and violence themes in those lately. But I thought the Sunday morning/noon productions like "I not stupid" and kids-related productions are very good.

I still think real life interaction with actual people who are less fortunate than himself would be a better trigger to make him become more responsible for himself. I'm not thinking of a course or a module.

Also, he has been wanting to join the boys brigade or scouts. I have resisted because I thought that is really "going through the motion", but that may not be fair as I'm not too familiar with what actually goes on in those organizations. It's just that I've been skeptical (from young) that organisations that make kids pay big bucks for "dressing up" in spanking neat uniforms actually take doing charity seriously.

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Postby jedamum » Fri Feb 01, 2008 10:32 am

ChiefKiasu wrote:Thanks for the good advice. I do practice what you mentioned for honesty, but it hasn't been working lately. Also, not sure if the SG dramas are really good as examples - there's quite a bit of sexuality and violence themes in those lately. But I thought the Sunday morning/noon productions like "I not stupid" and kids-related productions are very good.

I still think real life interaction with actual people who are less fortunate than himself would be a better trigger to make him become more responsible for himself. I'm not thinking of a course or a module.

Also, he has been wanting to join the boys brigade or scouts. I have resisted because I thought that is really "going through the motion", but that may not be fair as I'm not too familiar with what actually goes on in those organizations. It's just that I've been skeptical (from young) that organisations that make kids pay big bucks for "dressing up" in spanking neat uniforms actually take doing charity seriously.


Yes, I do agree that some SG dramas has quite a bit of sexuality and violence themes - it pays that i know what is coming up before the programme is screened, so that I can decide on how to distract my boy when the scene comes up. :wink: No sure that will work on older boys though. :)

I guess, kids usually refrain from being honest cos they are afraid of getting into trouble, and also once they have the experience of getting away with it, they will think that as long as they don't tell, no one will know.

Perhaps we have different values. I am brought up with the understanding that charity begins at home. Treat your family members and friends with respect and help around the house/as and when possible. Voluntary work outside home is of a 'higher calling' best left to the individuals themselves when they are old enough to decide whether that is what they want to do.

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Postby phantom » Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:05 pm

I agreed with jedamum, things should start from home. What I usually do is to make my kid keep the toys, tidy up the place, throw rubbish, put cloths in the laundry, etc by himself. I tried to let him understand that he need to be self sufficient. Well, the ultimate motive is of course so that I can be more relax lah, no need to clean up his mess :lol:

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Postby jedamum » Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:03 pm

Emotional Intelligence

Defined as an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. One of such abilities includes
- Managing emotions
the ability to regulate emotions in both ourselves and in others. Therefore, the emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.

In the bid to nurture EQ in our kids, how can we prevent ourselves from raising manipulative kids?

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Postby breguet » Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:09 pm

Hi, the nit picker in me wants to point out that there are two separate discussions going on here. The first is character development. The second is EQ. They're not the same although they are entwined to a certain degree.

Character development (CKS' original post) is the biggest question on my mind. To me, it doesn't matter how intelligent yada yada a person is. If you have no integrity, you'll be finished in a matter of time. DH and I have been thinking a lot about this. Some people rely on religion to instill values, but for those of us who are not so inclined, I think we have to model it to our kids. It's hard! But kids will pick up our values no matter what we say. We can read the best books, but if we don't show kindness, compassion and perserverance (the list runs long) in our everyday lives, they'll learn too.

On EQ - still learning. Have you read Daniel Goleman's book? Weighs a tonne, but well worth the wade. But probably, as someone pointed out in this thread, a little adversity won't hurt. I'm going to try harder to sprinkle some in my son's way to make him realize things don't always come easy. I was just musing the other day that when my son was young, we bought so many things for him in the name of fun and education. Then as he crossed 5, I started to expect him to consider more carefully about spending money and what toys/books to ask for. I'm learning that frugal habits don't switch on overnight, and that we've just embarked on a long journey of learning to be mindful about money matters and weighing our priorities.

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Postby chuanchuan » Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:29 pm

talking about value.....


This morning we were at the HDB Hub car park. While walking towards the lift, a car suddenly cut infront of us just to get to a lot , almost knock us down(they were anti direction according to the road sign).

After they got off their car with their 2 kids (going for Shichida Method), they pretended that nothing had happened.
What is the point of training their kids brains when they don't even have the basic courtesy themselves

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