9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby piano24 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:10 am

Hi,
My son is 9 years old, and he has played piano for more than 2.5 years now, he is always interested in the popular songs, and he hums and practices them by himself if there is such songs in his weekly practice, but he is too picky, for the other songs which is a little bit harder or sound so so, he really wants to stay away from them, even told me that he does not want to play piano any more, he wants to play Guitar instead, I know he just thinks that playing Guitar looks cool and easy, if we start the lesson for him , he will want to quit it even sooner. He is really a guy who does not want to face the difficulty at all.

I would like to let him keep on playing piano since I really want him to learn the lesson that he need face the difficuly and finally overcome it. At the same time, I do not want him to feel like he is forced to play, what could I do to help him ? Let him stop the lesson for several months? or let him go on with the lesson, or even change the teacher, we are staying with this teacher all the time, and has no experienc with the other teacher, she is not so pushy, but really focus on the foundamation of playing , finger practicing and so on.so I am not sure how much could the teacher do to inspire the interest in the kid.

piano24
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:43 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby adhdadhd » Tue Apr 27, 2010 8:24 am

piano24 wrote:Hi,
My son is 9 years old, and he has played piano for more than 2.5 years now, he is always interested in the popular songs, and he hums and practices them by himself if there is such songs in his weekly practice, but he is too picky, for the other songs which is a little bit harder or sound so so, he really wants to stay away from them, even told me that he does not want to play piano any more, he wants to play Guitar instead, I know he just thinks that playing Guitar looks cool and easy, if we start the lesson for him , he will want to quit it even sooner. He is really a guy who does not want to face the difficulty at all.

I would like to let him keep on playing piano since I really want him to learn the lesson that he need face the difficuly and finally overcome it. At the same time, I do not want him to feel like he is forced to play, what could I do to help him ? Let him stop the lesson for several months? or let him go on with the lesson, or even change the teacher, we are staying with this teacher all the time, and has no experienc with the other teacher, she is not so pushy, but really focus on the foundamation of playing , finger practicing and so on.so I am not sure how much could the teacher do to inspire the interest in the kid.


Hi there,
9 year old and you expect him to behave like grown adult? In fact, even if a grown Master Degree engineer, would also try to avoid difficult tasks, and needed training to cope with adversities.
Learning piano, is like learning in school, the diff is, it is not part of MOE core focus.
Our children already been victims of "good" education system, let the guy have a break, give him back his 童真。
If I were you, I will assess if he really passionate about guitar, show empathy for his interest, stop and reflect, why you choose piano for him? Piano skill is quite expensive, no point wasting if he is really not interested. But must coach him, encourage him to overcome tough pieces, inspire him using youtube video... if needed stop for awhile for him to reflect, if he missed piano, he will come back to you.. BTW, guitar is also not easy hoh.
Key thing about learning is, let him choose what he likes to learn, and not you want him to. Force will get reaction (Newton law of reaction), a teacher that is not pushy is good. Don't decide on teacher, the child will pick his own teacher. (My DS do too). Give him time, dont rush, explain to him why piano over guitar...

adhdadhd
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 148
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:29 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby sakura_2009 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 8:45 am

piano24 wrote:Hi,
My son is 9 years old, and he has played piano for more than 2.5 years now, he is always interested in the popular songs, and he hums and practices them by himself if there is such songs in his weekly practice, but he is too picky, for the other songs which is a little bit harder or sound so so, he really wants to stay away from them, even told me that he does not want to play piano any more, he wants to play Guitar instead, I know he just thinks that playing Guitar looks cool and easy, if we start the lesson for him , he will want to quit it even sooner. He is really a guy who does not want to face the difficulty at all.

I would like to let him keep on playing piano since I really want him to learn the lesson that he need face the difficuly and finally overcome it. At the same time, I do not want him to feel like he is forced to play, what could I do to help him ? Let him stop the lesson for several months? or let him go on with the lesson, or even change the teacher, we are staying with this teacher all the time, and has no experienc with the other teacher, she is not so pushy, but really focus on the foundamation of playing , finger practicing and so on.so I am not sure how much could the teacher do to inspire the interest in the kid.


DS is also 9 yrs old, has been learning piano for close to 2 years. He had lots of interest initially (for the 1st one year or so), but his interest started dwindling when the going gets tougher...the theory lessons gets more difficult, the practical also gets tougher...his piano teacher also ups her expectations - no more 'play play' - DS started to get very careless over his theory, keeps making mistakes and complained that it is very difficult etc., he is also not serious when playing the piano - keep forgetting the right fingering, gives lots of excuses when practising - hands to small, cannot play certain keys :? hand pain, tired...etc, and a thousand and one more excuses :|

It doesn't help when the piano teacher decided that he should try for the ABRSM Grade 1 exam in March. The teacher felt that he should be able to make it if he puts in more effort and be 'more serious' in his lessons. I tried explaining to her that DS seems to be losing interest but she insisted that DS can make it if he tries hard enough. Oh well, ok - so I registered him for both theory & practical. The few months before the exam was really tough for both DS & me. It was an uphill task and we 'battle' almost every night just to get him practise 'willingly'. I cajoled, threatened, even 'bribed' him :roll: just to get him practise his exam pieces. Anyway, to cut the story short, he sat for both exams and managed to get a 'Pass' (a strong Pass though). He seemed to be very disappointed that after putting so much effort, he only got a Pass (he was expecting to get at least a Credit).

Honestly at that point I thought that if he said he wants to give up piano, I'm quite ready to let it go. Maybe his interest is really gone, maybe he just don't have that 'music' inclination in him, maybe I should just put his music school fees to better use...but to my HUGE surprise, he said he wanted to continue and he will try harder so that he can get at least a Credit in Grade 2!! I'm quite speechless at that moment...but oh well, it just shows that some kids can be quite resilient :D

So there you go...he continues with his lessons and for some strange reasons, he seems to be enjoying his lessons better than before....

sakura_2009
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 243
Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:49 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby adhdadhd » Tue Apr 27, 2010 8:59 am

sakura_2009 wrote:Honestly at that point I thought that if he said he wants to give up piano, I'm quite ready to let it go. Maybe his interest is really gone, maybe he just don't have that 'music' inclination in him, maybe I should just put his music school fees to better use...but to my HUGE surprise, he said he wanted to continue and he will try harder so that he can get at least a Credit in Grade 2!! I'm quite speechless at that moment...but oh well, it just shows that some kids can be quite resilient :D

So there you go...he continues with his lessons and for some strange reasons, he seems to be enjoying his lessons better than before....


Congratulation!
You may want to inspire by asking him to skip grade, got straight to Grade 3. We done that together with the piano teacher, and my DS was motivated.
But now, he is slowing down, barely touched piano, we also decided to go along with him, as he cope with a sudden jump of study stress in P5.. Piano teacher also agree to slow down, but focus on figuring techniques.

adhdadhd
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 148
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:29 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby piano24 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 10:52 am

adhdadhd wrote:Hi there,
9 year old and you expect him to behave like grown adult? In fact, even if a grown Master Degree engineer, would also try to avoid difficult tasks, and needed training to cope with adversities.
Learning piano, is like learning in school, the diff is, it is not part of MOE core focus.
Our children already been victims of "good" education system, let the guy have a break, give him back his 童真。
If I were you, I will assess if he really passionate about guitar, show empathy for his interest, stop and reflect, why you choose piano for him? Piano skill is quite expensive, no point wasting if he is really not interested. But must coach him, encourage him to overcome tough pieces, inspire him using youtube video... if needed stop for awhile for him to reflect, if he missed piano, he will come back to you.. BTW, guitar is also not easy hoh.
Key thing about learning is, let him choose what he likes to learn, and not you want him to. Force will get reaction (Newton law of reaction), a teacher that is not pushy is good. Don't decide on teacher, the child will pick his own teacher. (My DS do too). Give him time, dont rush, explain to him why piano over guitar...


I know it is hard to face the difficulty to anybody, but for his new pieces that are a little bit complicated, maybe not really, just not so easy since the teacher really did not challege him at all, and he is much slower than the others , and still, he would like only choose the easiest piece to practise, the teacher told him he has to face the hard part and practise 4 or 5 more times, then he will be fine. But he never has the patience on that.

Regarding his interest in Guitar, he does not know how hard it is to play it, I think, he thought it is cool since his friend shows him playing Guitar before.

I know it is natual to go away from the hardship , and I tried to record all the pieces he played and show him youtube and others from the website, encourage him a lot, but he is 9 years now, I want him to do something by himself, not companied by his mom, and that is why I am really considering his piano leasson now, is it the time to let him stop it as he said, or I need more effort to help him, but how long will this help needed, does this help will really give him some good result finally?

piano24
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:43 am
Total Likes: 0



Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby piano24 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:01 am

sakura_2009 wrote:DS is also 9 yrs old, has been learning piano for close to 2 years. He had lots of interest initially (for the 1st one year or so), but his interest started dwindling when the going gets tougher...the theory lessons gets more difficult, the practical also gets tougher...his piano teacher also ups her expectations - no more 'play play' - DS started to get very careless over his theory, keeps making mistakes and complained that it is very difficult etc., he is also not serious when playing the piano - keep forgetting the right fingering, gives lots of excuses when practising - hands to small, cannot play certain keys :? hand pain, tired...etc, and a thousand and one more excuses :|

It doesn't help when the piano teacher decided that he should try for the ABRSM Grade 1 exam in March. The teacher felt that he should be able to make it if he puts in more effort and be 'more serious' in his lessons. I tried explaining to her that DS seems to be losing interest but she insisted that DS can make it if he tries hard enough. Oh well, ok - so I registered him for both theory & practical. The few months before the exam was really tough for both DS & me. It was an uphill task and we 'battle' almost every night just to get him practise 'willingly'. I cajoled, threatened, even 'bribed' him :roll: just to get him practise his exam pieces. Anyway, to cut the story short, he sat for both exams and managed to get a 'Pass' (a strong Pass though). He seemed to be very disappointed that after putting so much effort, he only got a Pass (he was expecting to get at least a Credit).

Honestly at that point I thought that if he said he wants to give up piano, I'm quite ready to let it go. Maybe his interest is really gone, maybe he just don't have that 'music' inclination in him, maybe I should just put his music school fees to better use...but to my HUGE surprise, he said he wanted to continue and he will try harder so that he can get at least a Credit in Grade 2!! I'm quite speechless at that moment...but oh well, it just shows that some kids can be quite resilient :D

So there you go...he continues with his lessons and for some strange reasons, he seems to be enjoying his lessons better than before....


I never think about the exam for my son, he just does some home practices but he always chooses the easiest songs. at the same time, like you said, he always has a lot excuses there, finger tired, too hard, not sound good... I am ready to let the lesson go if he shows any strong interest in something else and would like do some hard work on that, but I have not found any of them yet. So I am wondering if the time is right now to let it go.

piano24
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:43 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby adhdadhd » Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:09 am

Hi piano24,

Not sure bout you. I started piano for my DS, because he was poor in maths. I had a friend whose mental sum is very very fast, he told me playing piano helps in maths, because music is mathematics of time and melody.
Piano playing needs both hands, and will activate brain-cells/ neurons in left and right brain.
But Guitar playing also needs both hands.
To me, both are equally cool, but I agree guitar playing may be used to woo girls...

Since my DS is quite musically inclined, I hope to cultivate his interest in music, if he wants to learn more than one instrument, I would remind him to focus and specialized one by one, but will not stop him.

Perhaps, piano playing will become his rice bowl, I don't know, if the whole world are educated, our kids with no doctorate degrees will be out-placed, as we bring in more FT...

These are some of the consideration on my part, to be more holistic in education.

adhdadhd
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 148
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:29 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby sakura_2009 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:49 am

piano24 wrote:
I never think about the exam for my son, he just does some home practices but he always chooses the easiest songs. at the same time, like you said, he always has a lot excuses there, finger tired, too hard, not sound good... I am ready to let the lesson go if he shows any strong interest in something else and would like do some hard work on that, but I have not found any of them yet. So I am wondering if the time is right now to let it go.


Hmmm...for DS, he was the one who wanted to learn piano in the first place. He has shown interest and therefore we bought a piano and sent him for piano lessons. He has been quite happy learning until the later stage, where the pieces gets tougher. He started to lose interest partly also because the teacher kept reprimanding him for not doing his theory properly (lots of careless mistakes here & there) and of course the music pieces also gets harder to play. DS keeps complaining that it is very difficult and he does not want to continue anymore. I have to keep nagging at him to practise his piano otherwise he will be more than happy not to touch it at all :roll: . He also seemed to be draggging his feet each time he has to go for his piano lessons... :(

At this point, I reminded him that HE was the one who wanted to learn piano in the first place. And since he has already started for more than a year, I wanted him to prove to me that what he had learnt so far has not gone to waste, and therefore I 'challenged' him to take the exams and pass it. Maybe it was because I insisted or maybe it was because he just wanted to prove to me that he can make it, I'm really not sure, but bottomline is, he has managed to pass that 'hurdle', that 'difficult' phase which, I'm sure, many other kids learning music also need to overcome...

Many a times, kids of this age may not really know what they want. I totally understand your feelings as you're not sure whether you should push him harder or just give it up totally. I was also at this 'crossroad' several months back but my instinct told me that DS still has some interest in music and that this is a 'phase' he has to overcome. I'm glad I've made the right decision (for him) and he is currently happy to continue with his lessons.

Perhaps you can try talking to him again to find out exactly what he wants? I'm really not sure about learning another instrument....He may say he wants to learn guitar now but then what happens if he says he wants to learn violin the next time?? You probably have to trust your own 'instincts' in this case...and good luck :D

sakura_2009
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 243
Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:49 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby sakura_2009 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:32 pm

adhdadhd wrote:
Congratulation!
You may want to inspire by asking him to skip grade, got straight to Grade 3. We done that together with the piano teacher, and my DS was motivated.
But now, he is slowing down, barely touched piano, we also decided to go along with him, as he cope with a sudden jump of study stress in P5.. Piano teacher also agree to slow down, but focus on figuring techniques.


:thankyou: adhdadhd. For the skipping of grades, I will let the piano teacher decide if DS can do it. If the teacher feels that he is competent enough to skip grades, by all means. If not, I will just let DS continue in his own pace. I would rather he continue to 'enjoy' his lessons, rather than make him feel that learning piano is just like another academic subject....

sakura_2009
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 243
Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:49 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: 9 years old boy wants to quit the piano lesson

Postby phankao » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:47 pm

sakura_2009 wrote:Honestly at that point I thought that if he said he wants to give up piano, I'm quite ready to let it go. Maybe his interest is really gone, maybe he just don't have that 'music' inclination in him, maybe I should just put his music school fees to better use...but to my HUGE surprise, he said he wanted to continue and he will try harder so that he can get at least a Credit in Grade 2!! I'm quite speechless at that moment...but oh well, it just shows that some kids can be quite resilient :D

So there you go...he continues with his lessons and for some strange reasons, he seems to be enjoying his lessons better than before....


Haha. My daughter had some tough time at around 9 or 10years old and her teacher went along with her and experimented with other genres of music. By the time she was 11, she just wanted to continue herself, even tho' actually she's the "just pass" type. And she continued this until her grade 8, which I think is quite marvellous for her standard already! :D

phankao
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 5647
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:52 pm
Total Likes: 6


Next

Return to Working With Your Child