How to handle teenage dating?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

How to handle teenage dating?

Postby hesiew » Tue Jun 08, 2010 12:29 pm

Hi anyone care to share your experience. Found my 16yr girl started dating and she's keeping it from me! Worried she might get hurt and it will affect her focus on coming "O" level exam. What should I do :?:

hesiew
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Re: How to handle teenage dating?

Postby daisyt » Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:05 pm

hesiew wrote:Hi anyone care to share your experience. Found my 16yr girl started dating and she's keeping it from me! Worried she might get hurt and it will affect her focus on coming "O" level exam. What should I do :?:


Hi, whats her reaction when you found out and how long has she started dating? Did you talk to her?

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Postby hesiew » Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:46 pm

I found out by spying her mobile msg and didn't want her to know I invaded her privacy. Still pretending I don't know.

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Postby snowman.697 » Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:12 pm

hesiew wrote:I found out by spying her mobile msg and didn't want her to know I invaded her privacy. Still pretending I don't know.


I am not an anti-parent person; neither do I want to offend. But I strongly oppose to what you have done. Your daughter is a person too, she has the rights to her own privacy. If I were your daughter and I found out, you can imagine how angry I would be. In my opinion, the reasons why people invent SMSes are to not only make life more convenient, but also to have more privacy. Imagine talking on the phone; people can already hear half of the conversation going on. That disadvantage will be no more with SMS. Now imagine someone barging through that privacy barrier and reading the SMSes is that. That is invading privacy isn't it? From a child's point of view, I think we (18yo and below) have a right to some privacy too! At least, if I were you, I would tell her that I would be reading her messages, and the reason is that it's for her own good. Not by "spying". I have friends whose parents spy on them too, and I believe they feel really angry and isolated when they find out. What will your own child feel if she eventually finds out?

My advice to you is, STOP reading her texts. Admit to her, admit that you should not have done it, but at the same time, explain to her, and ask her, why, who, where, she was dating (with). Then you can explain to her about O-levels, focussing, prioritising, and all that stuff. Spying on texts, and not doing anything, will not help to solve the problem.

Again sorry if I have offended, but this is just from the view of a child, and I feel that we do have some privacy rights too.

Best regards,

snowman.697
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Postby phankao » Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:48 pm

snowman.697 wrote:
hesiew wrote:I found out by spying her mobile msg and didn't want her to know I invaded her privacy. Still pretending I don't know.


I am not an anti-parent person; neither do I want to offend. But I strongly oppose to what you have done. Your daughter is a person too, she has the rights to her own privacy. If I were your daughter and I found out, you can imagine how angry I would be. In my opinion, the reasons why people invent SMSes are to not only make life more convenient, but also to have more privacy. Imagine talking on the phone; people can already hear half of the conversation going on. That disadvantage will be no more with SMS. Now imagine someone barging through that privacy barrier and reading the SMSes is that. That is invading privacy isn't it? From a child's point of view, I think we (18yo and below) have a right to some privacy too! At least, if I were you, I would tell her that I would be reading her messages, and the reason is that it's for her own good. Not by "spying". I have friends whose parents spy on them too, and I believe they feel really angry and isolated when they find out. What will your own child feel if she eventually finds out?

My advice to you is, STOP reading her texts. Admit to her, admit that you should not have done it, but at the same time, explain to her, and ask her, why, who, where, she was dating (with). Then you can explain to her about O-levels, focussing, prioritising, and all that stuff. Spying on texts, and not doing anything, will not help to solve the problem.

Again sorry if I have offended, but this is just from the view of a child, and I feel that we do have some privacy rights too.

Best regards,


But that also means that the child has not been truthful about what and where she has gone after school.

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Postby stayhome » Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:26 am

Hi hesiew,

I have 2 teenage girls. From dd1, she told me one of her girl friend is dating another. The girl mum got to know the boy, and she accepted him. Now both spend time in girl house and they study together. According to dd1, boy's parents don't know yet. Girl in JC this year and boy in poly.

I don't know what will I do if I get to know, but this is a guide for me too. I will get chance to talk to my girls like boy calling dd2. Will ask her who is him and what is he doing.... Also ask them their girl friends. how are they and how they get along. Who's got dating.......Ask my girl how they feel when see other dating........

Sorry to say again. I don't spy thier phone, bag........ But restrict the time they have to be home and limit the no of time go out with friends.

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Postby daisyt » Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:00 am

hesiew wrote:I found out by spying her mobile msg and didn't want her to know I invaded her privacy. Still pretending I don't know.


Hi hesiew, I guess you must have sensed something not right before you spy on her msg. From this point of view, I don't think its wrong. In the first place, if the child is not truthful to the family, trying to hide things, how to develope trust? Just like if both husband and wife are truthful and faithful to each other, there is no worry or offend if one spy or look at the msg of the other.

In my opinion, you need to talk to her. First tell her you sensed something not right from all her behavior and very worried. Hence you look at her mobile msg, out of love and concern, not for the sake of spying or control. Then you can start the conversation to find out more about the boy, how deep is their relationship, your worries on her school work, worries on sexual issues and so on. Teenages at this age might not like to listen to all these but being a responsible parent, we have no choice but to keep telling them. If not for our child, who so free to spy or talk to them? Privacy is earned through respect and truthful. JMHO.

I quite agree with stayhome mentioned - restrict the time they have to be home and limit the no of time go out with friends.

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Postby mocharita » Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:54 pm

snowman.697 wrote:
hesiew wrote:I found out by spying her mobile msg and didn't want her to know I invaded her privacy. Still pretending I don't know.


I am not an anti-parent person; neither do I want to offend. But I strongly oppose to what you have done. Your daughter is a person too, she has the rights to her own privacy. If I were your daughter and I found out, you can imagine how angry I would be. In my opinion, the reasons why people invent SMSes are to not only make life more convenient, but also to have more privacy. Imagine talking on the phone; people can already hear half of the conversation going on. That disadvantage will be no more with SMS. Now imagine someone barging through that privacy barrier and reading the SMSes is that. That is invading privacy isn't it? From a child's point of view, I think we (18yo and below) have a right to some privacy too! At least, if I were you, I would tell her that I would be reading her messages, and the reason is that it's for her own good. Not by "spying". I have friends whose parents spy on them too, and I believe they feel really angry and isolated when they find out. What will your own child feel if she eventually finds out?

My advice to you is, STOP reading her texts. Admit to her, admit that you should not have done it, but at the same time, explain to her, and ask her, why, who, where, she was dating (with). Then you can explain to her about O-levels, focussing, prioritising, and all that stuff. Spying on texts, and not doing anything, will not help to solve the problem.

Again sorry if I have offended, but this is just from the view of a child, and I feel that we do have some privacy rights too.

Best regards,


Sweetheart, during our times SMSes are not invented. During my parents’ time, “ What’s SMS???!!???”. Tell ya, you are lucky if you owned a dialed chapalang black phone during their time.

Parents moved ahead of their time to catch up with their kids, don’t you think kids like you should move a little backward, just a little (not much, not an inch even for understanding ) for your parents and grandparents?

My parents invaded my grandparents privacy by raising my parents. My siblings and I invaded my parents privacy by raising us. As a parent now, kids like you telling parents not to invade? Why don't you learn to discuss with your parents? Why don't you learn to accept an answer ‘NO’? If you don’t want your privacy to be invaded, clean up the shit you have made. By all means, do what you fancy but when troubles come don’t ask for help. Solve them yourself. If you can't, respect your parents and grandparents. They are here in this world longer than you, dude.
Best regards too. 8)

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Postby daisyt » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:34 am

mocharita wrote:Sweetheart, during our times SMSes are not invented. During my parents’ time, “ What’s SMS???!!???”. Tell ya, you are lucky if you owned a dialed chapalang black phone during their time.

Parents moved ahead of their time to catch up with their kids, don’t you think kids like you should move a little backward, just a little (not much, not an inch even for understanding ) for your parents and grandparents?

My parents invaded my grandparents privacy by raising my parents. My siblings and I invaded my parents privacy by raising us. As a parent now, kids like you telling parents not to invade? Why don't you learn to discuss with your parents? Why don't you learn to accept an answer ‘NO’? If you don’t want your privacy to be invaded, clean up the shit you have made. By all means, do what you fancy but when troubles come don’t ask for help. Solve them yourself. If you can't, respect your parents and grandparents. They are here in this world longer than you, dude.
Best regards too. 8)


Good post!

In life, regardless at what age, there are times, we have to accept "NO". Learning to accept "NO" and understand life is not always at your side, as young as possible, definately benefit us.

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Postby mummyjoyce » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:50 am

one of my nephew (O level) this year is dating a girl. My DD (Sec 1 this year) asks me if this is a good thing to happen. :?
I told her that 16 is too young but it is OK as long as she is open and disucss abt it. However I did tell her that this thing is not always :love: and this will definately affect study.
She concluded she will have a boyfriend only after her A level and said that she is good since she is in a All girl school :? (not sure for me)

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