Children need to know that their parents care for them.

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Children need to know that their parents care for them.

Postby Andaiz » Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:41 pm

THis is an article on Diva (http://divaasia.com/article/9956) by "Dedicated"

Let me know what you think of it...

I REMEMBER doing most of my school tasks and assignments by myself while in school. My parents ensured that I had the basic necessities like food, clothing and books. As for my education, they helped by sitting with me as I studied into the wee hours of the morning.

I remember dad used to wake up at 3am to keep me company as I studied because he was worried that I would doze off. He did not want any mishap to occur – we used kerosene lamps then.

Dad would flip through the papers and mum would iron the clothes. This made me feel that my parents were watching over me and I understood that they cared for me.

I did not depend too much on them, knowing that they, too, had to toil hard. Frequently, I would approach my colleagues for help with problems, or to clear certain doubts.

What I find different today is that our children depend too much on us, especially for their schoolwork. When my sons were in primary schools, I helped with their drawing, cutting, pasting and colouring. I helped to make scrapbooks, did craftwork and drew posters.

When they took part in competitions I had to assist in preparing their scripts, rehearse that with them and motivate them to do well.

They ventured on to secondary school, but my tasks were not reduced.

I still had to label their exercise books, come up with ideas for essays and forums, and help with their projects. Every day, be it a school day or holiday, there was always some errand to run, or an assignment to do.

After they enrolled in the university, the tasks continued – wrapping books, buying materials for their assignments, and waking them up to study at the oddest hours. I even go to the extent of waking my son, who is studying abroad – via the phone.

After that first call, I have to double check at short intervals to ensure he does not fall asleep again. During the exams, I only take 40 winks. What if he wakes up late for his paper – I would never forgive myself.

Whatever it is that I have to do, at the end of the day, I find that all these sacrifices pay off because my sons have performed well.

They are aware of our presence, even though we might be absent. This truly builds their confidence and character. In a way it complements spending quality time together.

I believe that if parents continue to make sacrifices for their children, they will reap the fruits and their children will, in future, carry on the legacy.

They will not feel depressed or neglected; they know they have the scope for expression, they have a role model to follow, and a shoulder to cry on. They will not feel desperate or confused.

Therefore, it is important that parents accompany their children all the way. It should not be regarded as pampering because this guidance will go a long way towards helping them achieve their goals and aspirations in life.

I thank my parents for what they’ve done for me, and I know my children, too, will appreciate me.


My gutfeel firstly was that great, this is wonderful and I really want to be there for my child too....good lesson/reminder to see if I'm truly mollycoddling them too :|

Andaiz
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1673
Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2009 4:58 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby Blobbi » Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:10 pm

Urb, sounds vunderbar, Andaiz. But this thing about waking the son up with a phone call is too much to stomach.

My humble two cents - I'd say the kid has truly grown up if he's independent, can make his own living without someone tying his shoelaces etc (I almost want to say I'm exaggerating but maybe not), and can contribute to society. The good grades are nice of course. But maturity and self sufficiency can't be shortchanged. These are crucial for self esteem and self confidence - I'd never take that opportunity away from my kid! The writer's parents are supportive but not a crutch that the writer seems to have become ...

Blobbi
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1479
Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 5:35 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Children need to know that their parents care for them.

Postby jedamum » Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:39 pm

Making sacrifices and giving support are different issues.
Some parents go all out to to attend to the needs of their offsprings to the extend of disadvantaging themselves. Some parents give support to their children based on what they can offer. What is more important is if the parents had taught their children to appreciate what they have and not take these acts for granted even though the love is unconditional.
MHO.

jedamum
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 8519
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:58 pm
Total Likes: 20


Postby Guest » Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:48 pm

Agree with Blobbi, this article sounds like the writer is trying to justify to self that all the sacrifices made for the children are worthwhile.

On the contrary, I feel while the children may do well academically, they are otherwise handicapped in living.

Not every child has the luxury of their parents accompanying them until the uni days, would such children be worser off? I don't think so.

I would have considered my parenting fail if my child still cannot wake up on her own for important events in her life by late teens.
Guest
 

Re: Children need to know that their parents care for them.

Postby markfch » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:00 am

Andaiz wrote:I even go to the extent of waking my son, who is studying abroad – via the phone.

After that first call, I have to double check at short intervals to ensure he does not fall asleep again. During the exams, I only take 40 winks. What if he wakes up late for his paper – I would never forgive myself.


I know to each his/her own, but this is just too extreme. Agree with what Blobbi, jedamum & ksi are saying. I'm willing to do certain things for ds, such as PV and what not, but I draw a line somewhere.

I would rather ds be less smart (never thought I'll ever say this) but more hardy and independent.
User avatar
markfch
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2752
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:07 am
Total Likes: 0



Postby RRMummy » Tue Jul 20, 2010 10:16 am

I also agree with all of you. I think this goes beyond the 'support' appropriate for a growing/grown-up child.

The support the writer's parents gave, I :salute:.. but whatever support the writer gave his sons especially during uni days, I won't do it for my kids... seems more like over-reliance to me.. not healthy at all.. how to build their character and confidence like that :?

I think even by upper primary, I would expect my children to be able to wake themselves up. If there was an exam then the more they should have the responsibilities to themselves to wake up and get ready... :roll: err.. but believe it or not, my colleague just told me the other day that her son ask her to wake him up in the morning to make sure he is not late for his conference call... this son is 31 y.o.!!! :faint:

RRMummy
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 4931
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 4:06 pm
Total Likes: 9


Postby Sun_2010 » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:23 am

Agree .

Support is essential, but should we not be teaching self reliance too?

RRMummy wrote:

I think even by upper primary, I would expect my children to be able to wake themselves up. If there was an exam then the more they should have the responsibilities to themselves to wake up and get ready


Unfortunately DD sleeps like a log. Make that a LOG. What will being a night owl, waking at 6 is like waking at mid night. Some days she pleads for a wet tissue to wipe her face , so that she can wake up. Like me she needs her beauty sleep - around 8 hrs which is more than most P6ers get ,believe me...

Sun_2010
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 4613
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:13 pm
Total Likes: 145


Postby Andaiz » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:41 am

Yep, really true that support and mollycoddling are TWO very distinct things. Sometimes, self feeding of the ego for the parent may just not allow the child to mature!

No wonder we are nurturing weepie willows instead of sturdy bushels :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

Andaiz
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1673
Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2009 4:58 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby tamarind » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:42 am

Therefore, it is important that parents accompany their children all the way.


What does all the way mean ? When the kids get married, go to their house to cook, clean, wash and take care of grandchildren ? Work for the kids until the day the parents die ? This reminds me too much of "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein.

If we really care for the kids, we should teach them the important skills that will enable them to be independent, from as young as possible.

I don't help my P1 girl with her school work at all. Does that mean that I don't care about her ? The fact is that I have already taught her all the necessary skills to work independently.

tamarind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3113
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:37 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby Funz » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:31 pm

If my kids, in Secondary school, still need me to label their books for them, I have failed.

If they, in University, still need me to wrap their books for them and wake them up at odd hours to study for their exams, I HAVE FAILED big time.

Seriously, at some point, we as parents have to let go.

Funz
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 10824
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 12:48 pm
Total Likes: 318


Next

Return to Working With Your Child