My son has turned aggressive and refuses to go to school

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My son has turned aggressive and refuses to go to school

Postby pinkycheeks » Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:13 pm

Dear Parents

My son has refused going to school these days. When I asked him why, he told me he was always being scolded by his teachers and he hated school. He also said that he doesn't want to go to school anymore. Just today, he reasoned that he's tired and refused to budge out of bed.

I did have a talk with his teacher and was told that he has been misbehaving in class. He will not listen to his teacher, play with his friends during lesson time, follow what his friends did (even the wrong ones), did not do his work properly.

My son has also started to be more aggressive - demanding attention, getting angry at everyone, at times scold me (his own mother), hitting his younger brother. He is also more playful now.

He was not like this before. He used to be very quiet boy. Even though he is not so good academically, his teachers used to praise him for being able to be attentive and follow instructions accordingly.

I don't really know what happen to him and why he suddenly change. He doesn't want to speak with me and just keep telling me he doesn't like school. He worries me a lot coz he's going to P1 next year and the expectations might be even more challenging later on.

pinkycheeks
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Postby ponyo » Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:53 pm

Dear pinkycheeks

Besides school, perhaps you should also check if anything happen at home? Change in circumstances can lead to stress in kids and as most of them do not know how to verbalise their fears, the stress will lead to a drastic change in behaviour. or it could be a case where he feels jealous of his sibling.

You can also try probing further informally eg when you bring him to the playground or out for a walk. Sometimes, he may not want to open up to you at home but may do so in a different environment

Just my 2 cents worth.

ponyo
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Re: My son has turned aggressive and refuses to go to school

Postby markfch » Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:51 pm

pinkycheeks wrote:My son has also started to be more aggressive - demanding attention, getting angry at everyone, at times scold me (his own mother), hitting his younger brother. He is also more playful now.


I've a friend who told me that her ds (in his anger) threatened to kill his grannies. He has trouble controlling his anger. She's in a deeper pit than you. In the end, she had no choice but to pay the money to seek child psychiatrist's help.

Seeing a trained professional allowed her to understand her son's behaviour better. With this understanding, she is better able to approach her problem. Not sure whether your situation warrants such a step though.
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Re: My son has turned aggressive and refuses to go to school

Postby jedamum » Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:21 pm

pinkycheeks wrote:Dear Parents

My son has refused going to school these days. When I asked him why, he told me he was always being scolded by his teachers and he hated school. He also said that he doesn't want to go to school anymore. Just today, he reasoned that he's tired and refused to budge out of bed.

you have asked him why and he had told you the reason. unlike reasons given by any 4yo who has just started sch, your son is already in K2, so surely his feedback hold some water.
is he expecting some form of further actions from you? if so and nothing has been done, that could be the reason for his change of attitude towards you.
MHO.

jedamum
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Postby DesertWind » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:33 pm

Hi pinkycheeks,

Is your son attending full day childcare school, half-day CC or just those 3 hours kindy? How long has he been attending his school already?

:celebrate:

DesertWind
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Postby LKVM » Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:31 am

One of the days, my DS1 called me and told me he doesnt wanna go to school he is in K2 now so I got surprised as in why he doesnt wanna go then he started crying... later I made him stop crying and asked properly he said in the class they are teaching sewing and he doenst like and he doenst know and most of the kids have almost completed their work but he hasnt even started...

So I made him understand that going to school is very important and later when I come back home I will teach him how to do so that he can do faster... later when I teach him now he is very happy infact he himself will come up to ask me bout it...

So i guess you need to talk about the things which he dont like and then accordingly take action :wink:

LKVM
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Postby RRMummy » Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:05 pm

Hi pinkycheeks,

After talking to his teacher, did you have a talk again with your son? Like feedback to him that you have actually spoken to his teacher, what the teacher said and what he thinks abt those comments and what he thinks he can do to avoid being scolded?

I was in a similar discussion when my daughter changed to the current CCC. The talk along those lines above helped us to identify the problem and she was very happy knowing that I spoke to her teacher to find out and now we are on 'trial' period for HER to access if we could improve the situation. Of course, I have explained to her the effects of her actions and the expectation of the new school.

She thanked me for 'taking action' :love: and it has been a 2 weeks now.. no more nightmare and resistance from her. Most importantly, I told her it is very important that she tells me how she feels and what is going through so that we can figure out situations together.

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Postby Aaronmom » Sat Aug 07, 2010 2:10 am

Hi Pinky,
I feel your pain. My son started being aggressive (I thought I was being sensitive) after changing to his new 4 year old class. You can see my thread on "how to get 4 year old to do homework". Unlike your son, he tells me he likes school but I feel he has changed. He is less patient, acts out more, yells and screams more and even started hitting me!!!!!!!!!! I am linking all that to the new class because they do make him do work that he does not like. He is not defiant in class but all the pent up frustration and pressure, he has to let it out somewhere......
I decided to change him to a montessori school where they go with the flow of the children. He has been there a week now and I am crossing my finger. He is more calm and I feel thank goodness I got my son back. In the end, I would rather have a happy and confident child then for them to know how to write 1-100 or whatever. I mean if they already hate school at 4...... how the heck are we suppose to make them go on to college? Nevertheless, it is gona be an ongoing battle because he is a little stubborn child who hates writing. I have learnt to go with his flow and believe in your child that he will learn in his own time. Show him that no matter who and what he is, we will always always love him.

Aaronmom
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Postby agnesost » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:28 am

Hi all,

I do feel the same for my son. He is 3 year-old and he keeps on telling me that he wants to change to another school.

He has been rebellious in school by shouting to his peers, teachers and even pushing his friends. Every morning, I have a hard time to prepare him for schooling.

It is getting out of my hand whereby teachers did feedback about his bad behaviour.

Do you have any tips to share with me?

Thank you.

agnesost
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