Need Advice On Four Year Old Boy

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Need Advice On Four Year Old Boy

Postby kianchuan » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:47 am

Hi,

I have two kids and need advice on my younger child. He is a 4 years old boy that is stubborn and temperamental type. My wife is a homemaker, and taking care of them.

My boy tends to get angry over minor issues, like mother disapproved with his request for sweets, or does not want to bath or refused to brush his teeth . He would scream and demand his mother to say sorry to him. Even his mother said sorry, he demand her to said in a nice tone and address to his name. It happened at home and at public places. My wife give in, if not, he will continue to scream and cry.

I used to cane him some time ago. He stopped all these nonsense and
afraid of me. However, I also felt sad when I saw the cane marks and the sobbing he has after canning.

Now, when I want to cane him or scold him, he would want his mother to cane me or scold him. Basically, I think he has no fear on both of us.

Another incident is when we went out. If we walked without him in line. He would demand us to go back to the orginal spot and walk again. It happened in escalator, which we had to retake the escalator again.

We had visited the child development centre in KK. But, the doctors said he is normal and there is nothing wrong.

The longer I think, the more worries I have for his future. Is there any advice ? Please help. :?:

kianchuan
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Postby verykiasu2010 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:55 am

quite sometime ago there was a TV program in channel 8 on this type of situation and some child counsellors are able to talk to the child and through activities with the child, the child began to learn what is wrong and what is right behaviour. positive outcome

you are right to be concerned and early intervention is good so that the child's learning will not be impeded
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Postby kianchuan » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:57 am

thanks for the advice. Where to find the child counsellors ?

kianchuan
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Postby verykiasu2010 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:59 am

kianchuan wrote:thanks for the advice. Where to find the child counsellors ?


still googling

will post here once found the program


http://www.carecorner.org.sg/services_education.htm

Consultation
Provide parents with assessment of their children’s learning and behavioural difficulties.
Offer professional advice on remediation actions to address concerns of their children’s difficulties.
Intervention adopts an interdisciplinary approach utilising effective and proven methods from fields of education, psychology, neuroscience and nutritional therapy.

see also :

http://www.thomsonpaeds.com/cdc/service ... -problems/
Last edited by verykiasu2010 on Mon Aug 16, 2010 1:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby mintcc » Mon Aug 16, 2010 1:09 am

I think you guys need to tough it out a few times and show him that you guys are not going to give in when he scream and cries.

We use to get scream and cries when Ds is about 3 when he does not get what he wants... it took a while of us consistently not giving in and explaining to him why he cannot get what he wants. He still gets angry occasionally over not getting what he wants but he knows that screaming and crying is not going to get him what he wants.

Another thingyou might want to try is to tell him a story on what's right or wrong in a certain situation similar to how he behave and show him the right way. E.g. DS use to get upset and act out when one the way home we do not go from point A to B in the way he wants. One night, after one such unpleasant incident, I got his favorite soft toys and get then to "act" out what happened earlier. My version of the sketch ended with the character playing him being good and it ended up every one is happy. After that I can see improvement in that kind of situation and I made sure I praise him for it.
Last edited by mintcc on Mon Aug 16, 2010 1:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby verykiasu2010 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 1:12 am

mintcc wrote:I think you guys need to tough it out a few times and show him that you guys are not going to give in when he scream and cries.

We use to get scream and cries when Ds is about 3 when he does not get what he wants... it took a while of us consistently not giving in and explaining to him why he cannot get what he wants. He still gets angry occasionally over not getting what he wants but he knows that screaming and crying is not going to get him what he wants.


that is the "terrible 2" syndrome ..... and may be terrible 3 (bonus !)...but I think kianchuan's case may need outside help to minimise "self inflicted damage" ....
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Postby cnimed » Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:34 pm

Ya, it's normal behaviour from the child. What's not normal is that the two of you actually do what he wants even when it's unreasonable. :?

You're not doing him a favour when you try to pacify him by doing what he wants, e.g retaking the escalator, apologising for getting him to brush his teeth :shock:

My younger one is also very stubborn and temperamental. The main thing is DON'T GET EMOTIONAL over it. He's being a normal child, there's nothing wrong with him, and there's nothing wrong with what you want him to do.

If he screams and throw a tantrum in public, no need to talk anymore. Take him to the car and go straight home. After a point, they go into a frenzy and cannot be reasoned with at all. If he needs help calming down, do so. My son will hit me and then hug me. I tell him very firmly no hitting, hug him, then clean him up. Save the explaining for later or the next day. Tell him what is acceptable in public and what is not. If he cannot behave, stay in. The next day, ask him if he would like to try going out again? Remind him the rules and set off to a nearby destination. Don't linger, don't make the challenge too difficult. The aim is to let him see that he CAN be a reasonable boy, and praise him.

Shape his self-image positively. Tell him he is a nice boy, learning society's rules (and must teach the rules impartially!!). Some days are harder, some days are better, but there's always tomorrow to try again.

Brushing teeth - wow, my kid is horrible for that. Scream and cry. We use the cane, but it's only one stroke on the palm. Never get carried away. You must see it as something that is very impartial - like penalty point for football. Two warnings, followed by one stroke, brush teeth, move on with bedtime story and lights out. No need to get so worked up over it. After a few days he will just brush. Praise him for his nice shiny teeth.

Same with everything else. Take lots of deep breath. Good luck!
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Postby Breadandmuffins » Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:55 pm

Hi

When my 4yr old screamed in public, I either ignore or if necessary remove him from the source of it and at the same time, kept silent thru'out as I am controlling myself. I know some people will stare but let them be...no worries..fellow parents would understand (some old folks will have some comments though)...I have learnt along the way that never give in to a kid's unreasonable demands esp when they throw tantrums as it will fuel even more tantrums in future when their demands are not met and we started losing our cool, cane etc and the cycle just continue. They also forgot their tantrums very fast if we do not respond to it. Now, when my no 4 DS who is 2yr old cries & demands something unreasonable, I just ignore and after 2 minutes of screaming, she stopped and continues her usual self...need to start from 2 yr old but still not too late to correct your 4yr old. THe main thing to do now is to stopped giving in to him immediately, he will react badly now but after a couple of months, the tantrums etc will reduce and go away and you ad your wife will enjoy him more.

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Re: Need Advice On Four Year Old Boy

Postby jedamum » Tue Aug 17, 2010 7:36 pm

kianchuan wrote:Hi,

I have two kids and need advice on my younger child. He is a 4 years old boy that is stubborn and temperamental type. My wife is a homemaker, and taking care of them.

My boy tends to get angry over minor issues, like mother disapproved with his request for sweets, or does not want to bath or refused to brush his teeth . He would scream and demand his mother to say sorry to him. Even his mother said sorry, he demand her to said in a nice tone and address to his name. It happened at home and at public places. My wife give in, if not, he will continue to scream and cry.

I used to cane him some time ago. He stopped all these nonsense and
afraid of me. However, I also felt sad when I saw the cane marks and the sobbing he has after canning.

Now, when I want to cane him or scold him, he would want his mother to cane me or scold him. Basically, I think he has no fear on both of us.

i will not go into my ds1's similar behaviour, but will talked about my ds2's similar behaviour (not frequent) which happened just 2 weeks back. he demanded that i stopped my chores halfway and play with him; that was not an issue if he had spoken to me more politely; instead, he chose to shout at me. i refused to give in to his request and he cried loudly and stormed into his playroom; i walked in after him and reminded him to speak to me politely; he screamed and shouted at me even louder. then i removed him from his seat - forcefully without hurting him - which followed by a loud piercing scream from him (a nostalgic scream which reminded me of ds1's similar reaction when he was younger :D); ds1 quickly ran to close the main door and kept himself out of our paths; i removed ds2 and promptly dictated a new Time Out corner and sat him there; he went sobbing and i spoke to him about his unacceptable behaviour; after a few minutes, we left that corner with him still sobbing; i sat him on a stool beside me in the kitchen and went back to my chores, reminding him to wait for me to finish - i didn't finish all my chores, but my intention is to make him wait at least for a while. he learnt his lessons.

on a similar note, he had been screaming for the remote control and after getting scolded by his dad for being disrespectful, now he uses his sweetest voice to ask for the remote.

ds2 loves his dad; he fears him too along with me and my ds1 :oops: ; ds1 and ds2 rarely misbehave in front of his dad cos of the immediate scolding (includes sound effect like banging the table; but we do not cane or hit our kids) they'll get if they cross the line; at the end of the day, i recap with the kids what went wrong, and the dad still hugs them before bedtime.

nip the misbehaviour/disrespect in the bud; if you let it manifest for a longer time, you will find it harder to correct their behaviour (which is the case for my ds1 for his other undesirable traits). :roll:

MHO.

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Postby kianchuan » Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:39 pm

Thanks for all the sharing. I will share with my wife on all your comments. Thank you very much.

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