Take other children things

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Take other children things

Postby zoan » Wed Sep 01, 2010 7:18 pm

What should i do to my son 5yrs old? PLEASE HELP ME!

This is the 2nd times, he take other children thing. The worst is he will use the time when they go toilet which the children is not at the seat and took it and put in his pencil box or bag. The 1st time i talk and warn him not to do it again, but it happen again. WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE HELP ME!

zoan
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:08 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby snowman.697 » Thu Sep 02, 2010 4:46 pm

Having seen thousands of cases like these... and being a child myself, I can tell you, what you say is important..

i talk


Talk what? If you dont tell him that it's wrong, he might think, "Why not?" Besides, warning him of the consequences of doing such things is important too...

snowman.697
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 407
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:56 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby zoan » Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:16 pm

i talk = mean i talk to him i explain to him that is wrong after that i warn him dont do that again.



snowman.697 wrote:Having seen thousands of cases like these... and being a child myself, I can tell you, what you say is important..

i talk


Talk what? If you dont tell him that it's wrong, he might think, "Why not?" Besides, warning him of the consequences of doing such things is important too...

zoan
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:08 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Take other children things

Postby jedamum » Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:52 pm

zoan wrote:What should i do to my son 5yrs old? PLEASE HELP ME!

This is the 2nd times, he take other children thing. The worst is he will use the time when they go toilet which the children is not at the seat and took it and put in his pencil box or bag. The 1st time i talk and warn him not to do it again, but it happen again. WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE HELP ME!

zoan,
did you ask him why?
what is his explanation?
did he show remorse?
you talk to him that 'it is wrong'; did you draw reference to other examples that he can relate to? 'wrong' is subjective to a child; did you give eg of how adults go to jail for stealing etc? you can also children borrow books of related topics to read to him.
MHO.

jedamum
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 8517
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:58 pm
Total Likes: 20


Re: Take other children things

Postby zoan » Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:57 pm

Yes the 1st time he say he like the yog keychain so he took it. I ask him do u kn that is wrong to take others people things, he reply me yes he know cannot take it. i ask him back, u kn than y u took back than he will keep quite show me the vy remorse face, so i explain to him to him that all sorts reason cannot take people things.i have called him to say sorry to the friend when he return her.

on the next class it happen again when i check his pencilbox back home, i found a highlighter which don belong to him so i ask him whose wan he say belong to the girl next to his seat, i ask him y is in ur pencilbox, he say he didint have that he wan so he took it. This time i am very angry i cane him n make him go his ah gong room sleep the next day i also didnt talk much to him i punish him to wirte I WONT TAKE OTHERS THINGS AGAIN 4full pages he start from 11.30am to 6.00pm than complete even he finish i also didnt talk much to him i want to let him understand tis time he really make a big mistake. finally till abt 11.30pm he came to my room and say sorry to me. i explain to him again he promise me will not do it again. but i'm scare will he forget the next following week n do it again

zoan
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:08 pm
Total Likes: 0



Postby mrswongtuition » Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:46 pm

Seems like your child has alot of 'wants' and satisfies them by taking something he likes.

1. You need to explain to him the difference between a NEED and a WANT. Assure him that if it's something he needs, you will definitely get it for him. If it's a want, he has to learn how to manage his desire for something.
2. Be open with him. Don't be so fierce that he don't even dare to tell you that he wants something. Being able to say it out is better than him harbouring thoughts about the item until he can't resist and take it for himself.
3. Come up with a reward system for good behaviour so that he can satisfy his 'wants' without having to take things that do not belong to him. At the same time, allow him to value that things don't come easily - he needs to perform certain tasks or keep a certain level of discipline/behaviour before he will be rewarded with something he wants (of cos, a limit must be set on the price of the item).

It's rather common at their age and they do not understand it.
You also have to explain to him that his classmate's mother or father bought the item for him/her. Ask him to imagine how he will feel if you bought him something he likes and his friends took his things (with examples of his favourite items).

I'm not against physical punishment like caning (I do cane my boy too) but in this case, I think you need to reason out with him first. Then show him that there are other alternatives if he likes and wants a certain item - working hard for it. Or something it's a frivilous item, you can take opportunity to explain that it's not something he needs.

mrswongtuition
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1835
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:02 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby jedamum » Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:23 am

In addition to the management of Needs and Wants, i personally think that a preschooler and even for some primary schoolers, it is very difficult to differentiate needs and wants (eg, when i bring my ds1 along to windowshop, he will use his 'you don't Need this right?' to remind me what i usually tell him when he shops at his favourite hunt ie Popular Bookshop); ie one man's need may be another man's want. Some times, some desires of wants can be easily fulfilled and sometimes, one need to forgo satisfying ones' needs (in 'no choice' situation).
Management of desires of wants, yes. Instead of totally rejecting his 'wants', get him a nice little notebook and get him to jot down the things he sees from his friends that he likes; tell him that instead of taking it from his friends (which is totally wrong), jot his wants down and then you will go through with him and give him a budget to get selected things only (or can introduce concept of saving). This 'system' should not be mixed up with other reward scheme (ie he gets to buy things from this 'list' regardless of his misbehaviour in other issues like not brushing teeth etc.) as it should be a standalone reward for managing his wants.
just to share, my ds1 although did not take any stuff from his friends, he has a way of coaxing people to give him stuff; (last year) when i found out about the 'extra' stuff that his friends 'gave' him, i realised that he need an avenue to satisfy his desire of wants so i promised to take him out on occasional shopping trips to the bookstore/daiso where he can buy a few novelty stuff.
MHO.

jedamum
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 8517
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:58 pm
Total Likes: 20


Postby zoan » Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:11 am

Thanks jedamum, that a good solution, i will try on him.





jedamum wrote:In addition to the management of Needs and Wants, i personally think that a preschooler and even for some primary schoolers, it is very difficult to differentiate needs and wants (eg, when i bring my ds1 along to windowshop, he will use his 'you don't Need this right?' to remind me what i usually tell him when he shops at his favourite hunt ie Popular Bookshop); ie one man's need may be another man's want. Some times, some desires of wants can be easily fulfilled and sometimes, one need to forgo satisfying ones' needs (in 'no choice' situation).
Management of desires of wants, yes. Instead of totally rejecting his 'wants', get him a nice little notebook and get him to jot down the things he sees from his friends that he likes; tell him that instead of taking it from his friends (which is totally wrong), jot his wants down and then you will go through with him and give him a budget to get selected things only (or can introduce concept of saving). This 'system' should not be mixed up with other reward scheme (ie he gets to buy things from this 'list' regardless of his misbehaviour in other issues like not brushing teeth etc.) as it should be a standalone reward for managing his wants.
just to share, my ds1 although did not take any stuff from his friends, he has a way of coaxing people to give him stuff; (last year) when i found out about the 'extra' stuff that his friends 'gave' him, i realised that he need an avenue to satisfy his desire of wants so i promised to take him out on occasional shopping trips to the bookstore/daiso where he can buy a few novelty stuff.
MHO.

zoan
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:08 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Take other children things

Postby atfc » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:03 pm

zoan wrote:What should i do to my son 5yrs old? PLEASE HELP ME!

This is the 2nd times, he take other children thing. The worst is he will use the time when they go toilet which the children is not at the seat and took it and put in his pencil box or bag. The 1st time i talk and warn him not to do it again, but it happen again. WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE HELP ME!



take time in this and be patient with your child. talk to him nicely and explain why isit wrong to do so. he might still have difficulties in differentiating the rights and the wrongs, the dos and the don'ts.

spend more time and attention to nurture him and i believe one day he will not do so anymore :)

atfc
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 33
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:57 pm
Total Likes: 0



Return to Working With Your Child