Parents, i want your views on "listening to your child&

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Parents, i want your views on "listening to your child&

Postby snowman.697 » Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:25 pm

That has been a question that has been bothering me for ages: why do some parents dont like admitting they're wrong/don't like listening to children's point of view?

Personally i have lost count of how many times this has happened to me. I have been blamed for countless stuff that weren't my fault, such as crashing into some teenage girls cycling downhill (they were at the top and when i saw them it was too late :stupid: ) because 'i was not alert'
1. i was going at 25 km/h
2. they were going the wrong way
3. they were at the top of a slope
4. they were screaming like mad people not paying att'n to the road
When i tried to reason with my father he said 'you bloody ******* YOU ARE IN THE WRONG AND YOU DON'T ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?). from my point of view i do not think i had been doing anything wrong, yet i am forced to admit a mistake which i did not make.

The other time i was revising for my PSLE and using my chinese vocab handbook, and my dad said i must revise my textbook, i asked why, he said b/c he's the parent (that's not a valid reason for anything) but of course, i'm not the typical 'dog' so i said, 'isn't this (chinese vocab bk) a chinese book also? Why can't i use it?' then he PUSHED ME, this got me angry, b/c i was just asking why, i stared at him in the eye, then he said 'who do you think you are? we treat you good and you do this? CHLDREN'S ROLE IS TO OBEY THEIR PARENTS!' I can't deny the second statement, but does it mean we have no rights to question what we are told to do if we feel it is inappropriate? Do we not have rights to our own opinions? Yes we do. I find it ridiculous that we have to obey the older generation like dogs whether or not it's appropriate - the chinese vocab book is better for revising than the textbook. Infact i can't even ask why...

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Postby snowman.697 » Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:34 pm

Sorry for double post but i'm typing on my mobile and it can't exceed 1837 characters...

Infact when we are told to do things, we must do it happily...basically it means that our parents control what we do (well most) and feel ... and we have little rights to our own opinion... This is appropriate for younger children but for older children and teens parents should not do this as this is the period when children develop their own opinions and want their opinions to be heard of and acted on. In younger years parents should be strict to let children know who is in control but as children grow older they should give them more freedom... as i said, children, as they grow older, will start to have their own opinions and parents should listen to them as well...

i'm not offending anyone, but this is strange, because our friends will listen to each other, most teachers do it too, and forum moderators aren't excluded, so why not parents?

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Postby snowman.697 » Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:42 pm

insider wrote:Hi Snowman,

I am interested to give you my 2 ct worth of thoughts but can you please share with me your age first?


I'm 12, and if i offended some, i'm sorry, but i have this weird problem that if i think of offending stuff, i get angry and express my inner thoughts more freely.

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Postby Lilac66 » Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:50 am

Good advice,Insider.Sometimes, I feel.. without this forum, there may be more wayward kids, more frustrated parents and more social problems, ok I'm exaggerating. But honestly, a 12 year old can come to this forum and let out his frustrations is a good thing. At least there are selfless, concerned aunties and uncles here that can help to 'counsel' or just lend a listening ear. I mean, it takes effort and patience to listen, understand and talk to a child ,esp when it's not your own, to help him see the problem from different perspective. From the parent's point of view as well as assuring him you also empathise with him. Hopefully, then his anger will not then blow out of proportion and cause damage. I salute you, great parents here, :salute:

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Postby foreverj » Wed Sep 08, 2010 11:28 am

insider - truly great advice from you (as usual).

hi snowman, u r not alone in this. my own r/s wif my parents deteriorated during my teenage years becos they r the traditional type of parents who think they must be right in everything becos they r the parents. now that i m grown and has a child of my own, i dun blame them in the sense becos they know no better how to behave (human beings are human beings, esp when it comes to their own children) when children reach the rebellious years. just that its hard to have a close r/s with parents who assume they r always right and forget to consider the feelings of their children in their anger. (its hard to tell them how u really feel when all they do is shut you up)

however the right thing to do is to know that they love u (in their own quiet ways) and learn to communicate without raising your voice. know that u may not always get what u want. eventually when u r of age n prove that u can make wise decisions yourself (yes, u do need to prove yourself to behave like a rational person so that u can earn their respect) so that they need not worry abt u nor interfere with your life choices anymore (cos u r fully capable of making wise decisions yourself).

all the best to you! :celebrate:

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Re: Parents, i want your views on "listening to your ch

Postby jedamum » Sun Oct 10, 2010 11:57 pm

Hi snowman.697,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)

i have strict parents, and is naturally pretty strict myself; here are my personal views (albeit a bit late huh?).
snowman.697 wrote:That has been a question that has been bothering me for ages: why do some parents dont like admitting they're wrong/don't like listening to children's point of view?

i am guilty of such when i am in a lousy mood :oops: ; character flaws you may say, but that does not mean that i don't love my children.

snowman.697 wrote:The other time i was revising for my PSLE and using my chinese vocab handbook, and my dad said i must revise my textbook, i asked why, he said b/c he's the parent (that's not a valid reason for anything) but of course, i'm not the typical 'dog' so i said, 'isn't this (chinese vocab bk) a chinese book also? Why can't i use it?' then he PUSHED ME, this got me angry, b/c i was just asking why, i stared at him in the eye, then he said 'who do you think you are? we treat you good and you do this? CHLDREN'S ROLE IS TO OBEY THEIR PARENTS!' I can't deny the second statement, but does it mean we have no rights to question what we are told to do if we feel it is inappropriate? Do we not have rights to our own opinions? Yes we do. I find it ridiculous that we have to obey the older generation like dogs whether or not it's appropriate - the chinese vocab book is better for revising than the textbook. Infact i can't even ask why...

"bc i am the parent" is something i use too when i need to cut the argument short and reaffirm my authority.
while children has the rights to question what they are told to do if they feel that it is inappropriate, it can also be viewed as a challenge of parental authority or testing of boundaries (barriers to communications such as receivers' mood may affect their perception to the message sent to them); hence, if it is not a life-or-death issue, with all due respect, respect the elders first and then bring up the issue again after the tense atmosphere has passed (just because we are the parents does not mean that the child can have lesser EQ around us). i always tell my P2 son, it is not my responsibilities to do exams preparation with him, and yet i am doing so, so it really frustrates me when my efforts are not appreciated. my P2 son has since learnt that when my temper is up, he keeps his opinions to himself and only feedback to me when the episode has passed. sometimes in such episodes, he sms-ed about how he felt after my outburst and i find it easier to sms him my explanation back rather than tell him personally although we are in the same house.
it is human nature to get defensive when their opinions are being attacked; if your purpose is to suggest an alternative study method, make your suggestion during a less hostile moment. then chances are you will less likely be faced with the outbursts.
MHO.

snowman.697 wrote:In younger years parents should be strict to let children know who is in control but as children grow older they should give them more freedom... as i said, children, as they grow older, will start to have their own opinions and parents should listen to them as well...


sometimes, parents leave the important details out and throw out the trump card of "bc i am your parent!" cos their focus is on the big picture. of course some parents have that patience to take the time to explain, but looking at our own parents, ask yourself if it could be worse.

snowman.697 wrote:i'm not offending anyone, but this is strange, because our friends will listen to each other, most teachers do it too, and forum moderators aren't excluded, so why not parents?

friends listen to each other, most teachers do too, so why not parents?
ask yourself, if you mess up your life *touchwood* due to unwise decisions made, who is responsible for you? who is going to walk through with you through your mistakes? your friends? your teachers? or your parents?
MHO again.

Thanks again for airing your views. It is refreshing to hear a student's point of view of their parents. Need to remind myself time and again to 'grow' concurrently (if not faster) than my boys. :wink:

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Postby Nebbermind » Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:37 am

thanks, snowman.697 for sharing.

hope this reaches more parents so we can reflect on our actions and how it can affect our kids. :celebrate:

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