What is being a KiasuParent?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

What is being a KiasuParent?

Postby super_dad » Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:00 am

Was talking to a friend, and realized that different people have different understanding of what it means to be a kiasuparent. To some, it is the need to have your children be #1 in school. The perpetual chase for that higher grade and better schools. Frankly to me, I am more laid back....the only thing that I am "kiasu" about is for my kid to be better than I was when I was small. Essentially, just to give them a better chance in nuturing them and preparing them for adult life.

Share your thots and definition here.

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Re: What is being a KiasuParent?

Postby hellokitty » Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:14 pm

super_dad wrote:Was talking to a friend, and realized that different people have different understanding of what it means to be a kiasuparent. To some, it is the need to have your children be #1 in school. The perpetual chase for that higher grade and better schools. Frankly to me, I am more laid back....the only thing that I am "kiasu" about is for my kid to be better than I was when I was small. Essentially, just to give them a better chance in nuturing them and preparing them for adult life.

Share your thots and definition here.


For Me, I am kiasu because I want the best for my children. However, I do not need them to be #1 in school. I just want them to be normal children that have wrong answers and will learn that there are times when being wrong is fine. at the end of day. I find that acedamically is not so important. I find that the part that we got to built on is character building. And in my circle of friends, we all send our children to the same classes. So I guess I am not the only one here that send my children to many enrichment classes.

Also, it does not talk up a lot of time. Otherwise, they will just be watching TV programs at home.

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Re: What is being a KiasuParent?

Postby jedamum » Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:13 pm

need not be no. 1, but must preferbly know what the teacher teaching/curriculum/expectations in advance so we can learn basic concepts in advance and when the teacher teach, it is easier to absorb. must prepare exams and/or do homework as soon as possible and not wait til last min in case last min any thing crop up.

basically is, must be well prepared, ie prepared for the best, prepared for the worst.

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Postby super_dad » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:45 pm

It is an interesting point about character building. I think that is something that cannot be measured academically. I feel that even if my child is not the best in school but has good manners, moral values, integrity and good attitude, then it is also part of learning and growth. the main thing is that when they grow up, they can be equipped to pursue their dreams, whatever that may be.

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Postby ChiefKiasu » Wed Apr 16, 2008 6:10 pm

Character-building is multifold, ranging from principles like filial piety, compassion and honesty, to the ability to handle failure and the will to succeed. Most parents tend to exclude these traits in early childhood education, choosing to focus on more "tangible" intellectual or physical enrichment activities. That may be a mistake as we might be growing a generation of "super computers" with little heart-ware. So I'm really happy to learn that so many "kiasu parents" out there are also aware of the importance of character-building.

For me, the most important thing for my children to learn is independence and self-motivation. That also seems the hardest to achieve these days with children! A self-motivated child will find all means to be successful, and the role of us parents would be to supply opportunities which support them in their quest for excellence.

Character-building is something which we cannot outsource to others to teach our kids. We as parents have to look for opportunities to demonstrate them to our children. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, and we are often unaware that we are imparting the very things that we do NOT want our children to lean from our own behavior. Our children are always watching us, and occasionally, we get questioned on why we are able to do the things which we told them not to do. When that happen, it is important for us to own up to our mistakes and not try to give excuses. That explains the importance of being responsible for one's actions.

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Postby jedamum » Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:40 pm

Character building...interesting...but lets save it for another thread.

But back to the topic, what is our definition of being a kiasu parent? Certainly sending our kids to upmarket expensive enrichment (shincida and the like) is not for the purpose of character building. A low income family can bring up a good character kid just as well as a middle/higher income family. So let us not kid ourselves by trying to rationalise our kiasu actions with such. Surely secretly we all wish for our kids to stand out from the crowd, be it artistically or academically and certainly with the investment of time and money would at least expect the kid to come in top 10-15.

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Postby mintcc » Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:18 am

For me being kiasu parent is :

1. Help achieve their potential by imparting skills, joy of learning, confidence, exposure to diffrent fields of knowledge, develope their IQ while we can
2. Teach them good values so they can be good, honest, people who are helpfule and kind to others
3. Give them foundation/ confidence to make judgment and be self reliant and resiliant.
4. Instill values, ideas, perspective so they can appreciate the simple pleasures of life and be happy people
5. Lay the foundation, habits, that help them lead a healthy lifestyle

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Postby super_dad » Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:41 am

Another thing about being "kiasuparents" is that i try to expose my kid to as many activities as I can afford. I think there is merit in exposure. They will get to try out different things in order to be able to decide eventually what they like. Like most parents here, I do not force the child to undergo any classes that they hate. But at least, they give it a shot.

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Postby scenic98 » Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:16 pm

which caring parent is not kiasu? of course if kiasu to the extend of irritating the person next to you, then cannot la.
we all want the best for our child. we want our child to be successful in life so that some parents can basked in glory, others to so called reaped the returns from the "investment" and some simply know that they have done the right thing. Well, I guess most parents have a mixture of the above.
Me? I just wish my girl does her best. If her best means she's in the middle of the pack, so be it, there are plenty of other options these days, unlike our time where academic means almost everything.
We as parents will now what is the potential of our kids. We as husband and wives should also watch out for each other to ensure we do not kill the flame in the child early.
Most important, we should be good models to our child.

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Postby super_dad » Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:50 pm

Yes, indeed....we need to not forget that the person that has the most influence in our children's life is ourselves. We do need to be good models for our children. :)

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