What to do if your child is very stubborn?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

What to do if your child is very stubborn?

Postby LittlePrinz » Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:24 am

Hi all, I have a problem with my 2 year old son. He is a very stubborn boy even at his age and refuse to put on new clothes and shoes. He is just not receptive to new things. He will scream and yell whenever we put on new clothes for him and will continue until they are removed. Even though he has grown out of his old shoes, he still refuses new ones. How? Somebody please help..... thanks! :?:

LittlePrinz
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Postby IJJ » Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:37 am

Sounds familiar. I had a stubborn child at home. Over the time, I had learnt that we have to wait till she cools down and then reasons out with her. Will have to do it over and over again. Of course, there are times that explanation is not possible. I told and reminded times again, when daddy, mommy says, "NO.", its just a "No." Kids must be trained to respect authorities. Stubborn kids will take more time and patience to eventually get there, but they will, if we are consistent. Take time to explain after the episode does help alot. Now, my then stubborn kid is 4. I would not call her stubborn, but a strong-minded girl. She understands better that we have valid reason to go against her wish at times and she also knows that tantrums will just make things go the wrong way she wanted. She does, still, pout and grumble when things do not get her way, but its easier to manage now.

For the clothes and shoes cases you mentioned, if I were you, I will bring him to buy new clothes and shoes. Let him participate in making choices for his items. Do not give him a wide range of varieties, just pick 2-3 pairs of shoes/sets of clothes and let him choose. Then, I will put away/throw away the old stuffs in front of him and tells him that old things have to go once he outgrows them. Then, he will have a concept that they are no longer available and he will have to make do with the new items he has chosen.

IJJ
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Postby LittlePrinz » Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:54 am

Dear IJJ, thanks for the tips. I guess I will have to deal with the problem with lots of patience and hope he will improve as he gets older. Its really not easy with a difficult child and who will turn nasty when he/she does not get his way.

LittlePrinz
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Postby IJJ » Tue Oct 12, 2010 11:11 am

There are positive sides for a strong-minded/opinionated kid. For instance, a born leader has to have that trait. :wink: Once we instill right value into these kids' minds, I guess its would be harder for them to sway away from these values as they grow up. Hence, it is important, as we bring up these kids, to correct wrong doings immediately and back values with valid reasonings.

IJJ
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Postby Sun_2010 » Tue Oct 12, 2010 11:47 am

LittlePrinz, Welcome to the terrible twos. Hang in there.

I remember in the not too distant past when i had the same struggles with DD. Can get her to change before and outing. And when we are back, had another half an hour struggle to get her out of it and into pajamas.
The only diff is now i recall it with a smile on my face - thinking - those were the days...

One thing that halped was making her a part of the process of getting new clothes/shoes. Let him see, and let him choose. Get the cartoons he likes/loves not wht u think are cute.

All said there will be moody days - dont expect ur child to be rational . When he is just thank ur stars. Dont worry they will out grow that phase soon and will move on to give u other kinds of headaches . So take a deep breathe and relax - u r in for tha long haul.

PS- they grow up sooo fast, every torture now will be recalled with a wistful smile later .

Sun_2010
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Postby eve74sg » Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:17 pm

My current 4 yr old is also giving me and the caregivers a hard time. When it is time to go to school, she complains she wants this and that, even hits the maid. I have told her she cannot do it but it doesnt seems to work. We tried punishing her by putting her in the backyard alone, but after awhile, she is not afraid, and may even end up singing....faint

Yesterday when i brought her out to the mall, she insisted on a pair of new shoes. I refused as she has many at home. But she step on my feet and try to hit me. Sometimes in public, we try to be tolerant. But her behaviour is really not acceptable. I didnt do much, just try to close my eyes and bring her away. At times, I really dunno what to do with her.

I guess every mother will face this every now and then. Just how much we can take it.

eve74sg
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Postby LittlePrinz » Tue Oct 12, 2010 1:10 pm

Thank you all for your comments and tips. They made me feel I'm not alone. Much appreciated! LittlePrinz :D

LittlePrinz
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Postby cherrygal » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:40 pm

eve74sg wrote:My current 4 yr old is also giving me and the caregivers a hard time. When it is time to go to school, she complains she wants this and that, even hits the maid. I have told her she cannot do it but it doesnt seems to work. We tried punishing her by putting her in the backyard alone, but after awhile, she is not afraid, and may even end up singing....faint

Yesterday when i brought her out to the mall, she insisted on a pair of new shoes. I refused as she has many at home. But she step on my feet and try to hit me. Sometimes in public, we try to be tolerant. But her behaviour is really not acceptable. I didnt do much, just try to close my eyes and bring her away. At times, I really dunno what to do with her.

I guess every mother will face this every now and then. Just how much we can take it.


I still remember my son, now 6, threw his toy figurine at me once when he was 4yo. He was angry that I made him go home after a visit to the grandparents'. Most parents would have brushed that away but I did not let it go. As I could not discipline him in front of my in-laws, I told him he would get punished in the car later. I made sure I scolded him in the car and threw his toy figurine back at him with the same force, letting him know how painful it was. My lecture lasted 20mins and he never dared to do it again. The gist of that lecture was much about "don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you".

We can be tolerant in public but we cannot let the incident go unaccounted for.

Besides reprimanding or punishing the kid with timeouts etc, we must also cut the root of the problem. If you notice her asking for this and that just before you need to leave for school, then tell her to prepare those items the night before. 15mins before you need to leave, ask her again if there's anything she wants. It's their tactic for dawdling.

As parents, we need to constantly choose our battles. If it's a small thing like buying toys, I usually oblige with cheaper alternatives. Eg. if he wants a Ben 10 for fun, most prob he will end up with a Kinderjoy. But I will promise him a Ben 10 for Xmas.

Eve74sg, since your daughter wanted another pair of shoes, you could give her the option of buying socks, hairclips instead, plus a Kinderjoy. She can have new shoes at Xmas or CNY when prettier shoes are stocked.

Kids are more receptive to cheaper alternatives than a plain NO. They also want a specific date / event to look forward to for presents.

cherrygal
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Re: What to do if your child is very stubborn?

Postby cnimed » Wed Oct 13, 2010 8:35 pm

LittlePrinz wrote:Hi all, I have a problem with my 2 year old son. He is a very stubborn boy even at his age and refuse to put on new clothes and shoes. He is just not receptive to new things. He will scream and yell whenever we put on new clothes for him and will continue until they are removed. Even though he has grown out of his old shoes, he still refuses new ones. How? Somebody please help..... thanks! :?:


hi, is this only about clothes? If so, personally I will let it be. I think very often when we buy clothes for children, we are focused on designs, and not so on comfort. I personally am very particular with the texture of clothing, so I never make them wear anything they don't want to. Clothes mah, must feel comfortable. My children did not wear mittens and my elder one did not wear shoes until he was 1.5.

Check the seams, check the tags, run your finger over the inside of the shirt - they should be smooth, not hard or scratchy. Check the stitching for the crotch of pants and shorts - are they comfortable, do they restrict
movements?

Materials should be breathable, not too thick for our weather.

Sorry, getting long winded. Whole family very particular with clothes and textures. We totally understand where your kid is coming from. :)
cnimed
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Re: What to do if your child is very stubborn?

Postby meiah » Thu Oct 14, 2010 7:34 pm

LittlePrinz wrote:Hi all, I have a problem with my 2 year old son. He is a very stubborn boy even at his age and refuse to put on new clothes and shoes. He is just not receptive to new things. He will scream and yell whenever we put on new clothes for him and will continue until they are removed. Even though he has grown out of his old shoes, he still refuses new ones. How? Somebody please help..... thanks! :?:


Haiya, not just your ds, my 12 yo ds also about the same! He has very few clothes and only wear specific ones. The ones that grandma or aunties buy, he won't wear them. How we nag also he ignore. His reasoning?

1. Dun like pattern/design/cartoon/colour...
2. Sewed-on picture/logo on T-shirt feels itchy on the inside
3. Material too warm
4. Seam feels scratchy on body
5. Dark colour trap heat, only want white

So in the end, I bought him those dri-fit sports T-shirts, either white only or with simple designs, and no pictures at all. So not childish, not warm, not whatever... These he wear with no complaints. Pants only khaki colour bermudas. Reject jeans! Some times, I think he look like a small ah pek!

meiah
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