My daughter played truant, what should i do?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

My daughter played truant, what should i do?

Postby janice75 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:41 am

My 13 year old daughter played truant and didnt go to school after her final year exams had ended. i received a call from the teacher telling me about her missing from school and that's why i knew she has been playing truant...

i tried talking nicely to her yesterday but she doesnt seem to be bothered about it..

what should i do?

i am thinking if i should conduct a caning on her

janice75
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:33 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby mrswongtuition » Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:17 pm

Who did she go out with? Do you know her friends?

mrswongtuition
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1835
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:02 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby Nebbermind » Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:56 pm

for me, 13 is too old for the cane. Have you spoken to her yet? It's certainly difficult to keep your cool but best to try to resolve it the 'soft' way 1st.

Nebbermind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 14663
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2009 11:40 am
Total Likes: 148


Postby janice75 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 7:04 pm

Nebbermind wrote:for me, 13 is too old for the cane. Have you spoken to her yet? It's certainly difficult to keep your cool but best to try to resolve it the 'soft' way 1st.


i have already tried speaking nicely to her but she kinds of treat me as talking rubbish, i don't know what to do with her .. she has been hanging out till late at night often too

janice75
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:33 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby imacsg » Thu Oct 14, 2010 7:11 pm

I think you should get the 3rd person to talk to her. Canning is no use.

imacsg
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2009 11:11 am
Total Likes: 0



Postby Nebbermind » Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:25 am

imacsg wrote:I think you should get the 3rd person to talk to her. Canning is no use.


yah...totally agree. at that age, it'll likely to have adverse effect on the child.

Maybe u can move away from your normal self...like telling her that this time u will not pursue the matter as long as it's within the law.

Nebbermind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 14663
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2009 11:40 am
Total Likes: 148


Postby Jade » Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:10 pm

I also hv a 13 yo but mine is DS. I am sorry to hear of the anguish u hv to go thru on hearing ur DD's truancy. Can b heartbreaking. However pls refrain from using cane especially at this age (no longer pri sch kids). Canning will only strain ur relationship w her n make her even more rebellious n v likely will make her distance fr u more. That is the last thing u want to see happen. If there is a favorite n trusted relative e.g uncle or aunt or a more mature cousin etc, may be good for u to consider asking him/her to hv a word w your DD. At least break the stalemate of her not talking about what happened. All the best n KSP is here for u.

Jade
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 4:12 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby daisyt » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:22 pm

janice75 wrote:i have already tried speaking nicely to her but she kinds of treat me as talking rubbish, i don't know what to do with her .. she has been hanging out till late at night often too


This is not a good sign. I strongly encourage you to be firm in your standing and rules. I have heard of a girls, very kuai, after sec 1, mix with wrong company, turn to be very bad. You should be firm and strict now when 13yo is still a managable age. If not, when things get worse, you are unable to pull her back.

daisyt
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2430
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:54 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby cherrygal » Tue Oct 19, 2010 5:28 pm

Some people say that I tell my son very adult issues such as poverty, abuse cases, crime, what happens in jail, death, harsh realities of life etc. I tell him that he can choose to listen or ignore me. The ones who ignore their parents, fall through the cracks of society and some don't even have a chance to climb back up. I make it his responsibility to study, to go to school, to do the right thing.

Last Sunday, he wanted to skip his Berries lesson to watch Kamen rider on Cartoon Network. I didn't scold him. Instead, I used reverse psychology and said that if he didn't want to study, do tell me in advance so I can keep my money for his meimei. He can go wipe tables in future. It's his life if he wants to worry about money next time. He immediately retracted his words and said he will attend the class. I even asked him if he was sure about his decision.

For a tween like yours, she is at the crossroads between being a kid and a teenager. She could be testing the limits with her actions to see what reaction you will have. It could also be the influence of her new friends.

I realised that for teenagers or even kids in general, showing disappointment in their actions is more effective than displaying anger. She knows she got caught. She is too proud to say sorry and is waiting to get scolded. She tells herself she will just switch off when mom does that. Surprise her by not flying into a rage. Express your disappointment that she has made you lose trust in her. Tell her you are hurt by her actions. She could have told you why she didn't want to go to school instead of playing truant. She made you worry.

When spending time with her, talk to her about the various levels of society. Ask her which socio-economic group does she hope to achieve. Give her some career coaching. Some kids have tall ambitions but do not realise the hard work needed to achieve them. What grades are necessary to get into which courses? With real life info and statistics to back up your "lectures", she cannot doubt you. Show her what happens if she falls into the wrong company - gangs, teenage pregnancy, Aids, substance abuse, poverty, rental flats, stigmas from society etc.

Don't pre-judge her friends by badmouthing them. Expose her to the realities of life and she will know the consequences. Build up her strength in character rather than try to control outside influences. I have friends who tried to get me to smoke or go "high" with them but I was never influenced, thanks to the solid values my parents instilled in me.

Family rules are also very important. To prevent late nights, no one in the family should come home after 7-8pm as everyone must be present for family dinners. You and your husband must make this effort to have dinner with the kids everyday. It is especially important when the kids are in their teens. If she has projects to do, she has to inform you where she will be and you must fetch her home. It is hard work to be close to your teenagers.

cherrygal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:01 am
Total Likes: 13


Postby HoSayLiao » Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:36 pm

My 13 year old daughter played truant and didnt go to school after her final year exams had ended. i received a call from the teacher telling me about her missing from school and that's why i knew she has been playing truant...

i tried talking nicely to her yesterday but she doesnt seem to be bothered about it..

what should i do?

i am thinking if i should conduct a caning on her


Hi, u must know why she play truant. Is it because she is getting all A1s and feel that she deserve a break? If that is the case, u may need to turn a blind eye.

If she s getting bad results and still dare to play truant and can't be bothered about u, u need to punish her liao. Caning is one possible option. U may cut off her pocket money so that she can't go out.

HoSayLiao
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:18 pm
Total Likes: 0


Next

Return to Working With Your Child