Little Monster

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Little Monster

Postby Cartoon » Thu Dec 18, 2008 6:21 pm

Hihi

Any good method to handle mischievous 4 yr old boy who like to catch attention? :x Things that he would do e.g making faces at people, being rude, hot temper include violent when he don't get what he wants, doing the opposite of what you told him to do...... sound like a monster to you?

Sometime i wonder whether because he is a boy and tend to be more playful? I notice that he is obedient and behaves when he is alone without other kids but i can't probably keep him alone all the time.

Any suggestion would be appreciated. Many thanks!

Cartoon
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Postby winth » Fri Dec 19, 2008 10:57 am

Do you practise any punishment?

What is your normal reaction (to him) when he misbehaves himself in public?

Is he the only child in the family?

winth
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Postby clare » Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:21 am

Hi Cartoon
Does your little boy pull his stunts if he gets the attention first, before he has a chance to start?
Also, how do you/others react when he misbehaves? Sometimes kids do stuff just to annoy others if they get an interesting reaction the first time they do it. If they get what they want out of these stunts, they'll try again because it works!
As for being violent when he doesn't get what he wants, little children don't always know how to handle their emotions. My normally sweet-tempered kids go ballistic sometimes when they try really hard to get something and fail. To me, its natural that kids get upset when their best attempts don't get them anywhere and they feel helpless. My job is to teach them how to manage that boiling anger so that they don't end up hurting themselves or others.

clare
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Postby Cartoon » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:28 pm

He has a younger sister.

Yes, punishment such as standing at naughty corner, caning. It depends on how bad his behavious e.g making faces at people, irritates others kids etc, I will give him warning first if he repeats after numerous warning, i take him away from that group if he still persists i will cane him once or make him stand at the naughty corner.

When he endanger other kids like pushing, hitting others, i will cane him straight away.

My FIL used to get really irritated by him and chased him with a cane and my son would run and happily hide himself but now my FIL would jus ignore him to stop his "play". My MIL would scold him and threaten him with cane whenever he misbehave and only cane him when he is really out of control and testing her patience.

Actually he really behave very well when he is alone but when he is in a group, he goes again :( .

Cartoon
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Postby winth » Fri Dec 19, 2008 2:40 pm

Hi Cartoon,

Is it a huge age gap between the siblings?

Does he have any communication issue or start talking later than his peers? Does he belong to the more talkative or the quieter type?

winth
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Postby Cartoon » Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:46 pm

Two years different between the sibling.

He is active and can speak well.

Cartoon
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Postby winth » Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:17 am

Why don't you ask him, when you guys are in a much calmer environment, why he wants to do things to upset people?

1. Why do you like to e.g. push people?
2. What did that e.g. boy do to you?
3. Do you know that that e.g. pushing people is not good?

Objective: ask questions so that you get an insight as to why he does things this way. That way, he knows you're listening to him. For all you know, it might not be entirely his fault.

Children do that to get negative attention or when he feels that no matter what he does, he's always WRONG, so he doesn't care.

Sometimes, you might want to make him feel that you are on HIS side before you reprimand him. You need to make him know that you're there to care and protect him. That might mean lots of pep talk with him to 'brain wash' him.

The huge clue to what you've mentioned is the key that he actually plays/behaves well when he is alone. It might be also that he does not interact well with his peers. Or there might be a certain playmate that he doesn't like. Or maybe he makes faces because someone was rude to him, in the first place? And that's the only way for a 4-year old to get back at that someone?

You've got a find a way to pull him out from this cyclical effect of bad behaviour -> punishment -> worse behaviour -> worse punishment. You can out-brutal force him now, but it will not work when he reaches schooling/juvenile age. We get older, our children get stronger. There is a reason why he's doing all these things that he's doing.

I remembered myself as being very quiet and unpopular in front of my relatives becos I overheard my relative's comments about me in front of my parents and my mother did nothing to defend me. And I sulk whenever I had to meet them. This creates a cyclical effect. I can't out-talk them and anyway, whatever I say, my parents will just agree with my relatives. So, why should I obey my parents who do not stand up for me?

Relative's comments as this girl is not likeable (next time can't get bf or get married as soon as my cousin) & my cousin can speak so well and so talented in art -> I Sulk -> More negative comments on me -> I Cry -> Comments that I'm weak and cry for no reason -> I don't greet them -> I become a rude girl -> Parents force me to greet them -> Rebelliance and giving black face to my relatives, bec I don't think it's correct for them to pass bad comments about me in the first place etc etc

I remembered that I stared fiercely at my aunt for being extremely rude to my mum (who is the elder sister), it was my way of showing my support for my mum. But guess what, I was scolded for being rude... :x

Comments became worse when I become a teenager, but all thanks to such comments that made me strive hard to prove them all wrong and earn a status of where I am now. My cousin... still floating around...

winth
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Postby winth » Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:43 am

No offence.
But the title 'Little Monster' already tells me what you think of your boy.

And if you think of him as a 'Little Monster', he will grow to be 'The Monster' that you want him to be. Children are actually a reflection of their parent's impression.

My 2 cents worth.
No offence, really.

winth
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Postby heutistmeintag » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:36 pm

Cartoon, maybe you can get someone whom your son trust and has good relation with to talk to. For example, my son seldom shares his thoughts with me coz I am stricter with him and it's similar situation for my daughter with my wife.

I think it will be very enligthening to hear his thoughts on his actions. He sounded like an intelligent boy who sometimes couldnt manage his actions and/or emotions. Dont give up nor give in to your emotions - it can become a vicious cycle as Winth said. BTW, I used to call my kids monsters too. :oops:

heutistmeintag
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Postby Cartoon » Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:31 pm

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

He admit that those behaviours are bad and he promise that he will not do it again if i do not punish him this round but he did it again say the next day or a few days later.

Do you think he just want to prove to the others that he is strong and mighty like those cartoon characters in the tv program?

Cartoon
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