Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Re: Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?

Postby phankao » Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:19 pm

insider wrote:Reading the below with great amusement...



Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 98754.html

I don't understand why her children are not allowed to learn instruments OTHER than the piano and violin though. *cheh*. And why cannot be in school play?

phankao
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 5647
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:52 pm
Total Likes: 6


Postby cnimed » Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:36 pm

She makes me embarrassed to be a Chinese and a mother. The first half is totally cringe worthy. There are some good points about hard work and self esteem but they are lost in the fanatical drilling.
cnimed
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
 
Posts: 589
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2008 1:59 am
Total Likes: 2


Postby phankao » Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:57 pm

deminc wrote:She makes me embarrassed to be a Chinese and a mother. The first half is totally cringe worthy. There are some good points about hard work and self esteem but they are lost in the fanatical drilling.


Am ok with the idea in-principle, but er ... need to be at the extent of threathening, meh? Burn toys, no lunch/dinner, no birthday parties. Oh well, actually she holds birthday parties for her kids? Wah, so indulgent. We don't have parties for our kids at all !!!!!!!! But eve we don't without food, threaten and say cannot go to toilet!

So who wants to read her book? haha.
http://www.amazon.com/Battle-Hymn-Tiger ... 1594202842

phankao
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 5647
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:52 pm
Total Likes: 6


Postby Chenonceau » Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:15 pm

Sensationalizing sells...

I know I am a bit like that (not the sensational part).. Especially the part about inculcating a work ethic and making sure the child has the skills to meet the future... And believing that the best way to build self-confidence is to HELP (not frighten) the child stay the course enough to do what he/she thought too difficult...

But I believe Chinese mothers have more subtle more gentle and less sensationally dramatic (though no less determined) ways of implementing these values.

Those mothers in the older generation who force fed in such a manner, today receive very few visits from their kids, if at all. In a culture where filial piety is socially enforced, such parental behavior can escape children's negative backlash... In Singapore and USA, there is no such socially enforced filial piety...

Chenonceau
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 4872
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:57 pm
Total Likes: 19


Postby tamarind » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:47 am

I do not understand why mothers must try so hard to make their kids good at piano, or other musical instruments. I do not know how to play the piano at all, and I don't think I am missing anything important. Both my kids are given the freedom to do whatever they want, if they don't like music, I will never force them to learn it.

The most important thing to me is to be very good in languages, both English and Chinese, from a very young age. My older girl learns both languages effortlessly, but it has not been easy with my younger boy. I remember that when I first taught him to read English at 3 years old, I almost vomited blood everyday. But I never threatened him with no lunch, no dinner, no birthday presents, etc. I only allowed him to watch his favourite DVDs (Leapfrog and Little Einsteins) , or promised him a sweet or chocolate, after he has finished learning. He was not allowed to eat any sweets/chocolates before that. What worked really well, was actually my cheering and clapping, every time he finished reading a page on his own. He felt really proud of himself, so he was motivated to try harder. Though he was only of average ability, he could read Charlie and the Chocolate factory at 5 years old.

My next door neighbour, a mainland Chinese mother, often beats her 5 year old son when teaching him. I have another neighbour, a Myanmar family, and the mother also regularly canes her teenage son when teaching him.

I do not approve of any parenting style that causes a child pain and fear.

However, if a child is doing badly in studies because he plays all day and refuses to pay attention or put in any hard work, then I think that the best way is to remove all toys,TV,computer games,sweets,chocolates,ice cream and all other luxuries. Provide only the very basic needs to survive, like only rice and vegetables every meal. This is to let him experience the consequences of not getting any paper qualifications.
Last edited by tamarind on Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:09 am, edited 2 times in total.

tamarind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3113
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:37 am
Total Likes: 0



Postby Chenonceau » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:56 am

tamarind wrote:My next door neighbour, a mainland Chinese mother, often beats her 5 year old son when teaching him. I have another neighbour, a Myanmar family, and the mother also regularly canes her teenage son when teaching him.


This is awful. Yucks.

Chenonceau
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 4872
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:57 pm
Total Likes: 19


Postby tamarind » Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:06 am

insider,
I will advise parents to use that method only if the child fails most subjects. For a child with average ability, then getting Bs or Cs are good enough. He will still get a degree or a diploma.

I know many students who may be thrown out of poly without a diploma because they failed too many times, but they still didn't care. I taught them before and I know very well that they are actually quite smart. These are the students who need to experience hunger, unless they have parents who are rich enough to support them for their entire lives.

tamarind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3113
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:37 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby Mrsbongz » Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:09 am

I am not surprised to read articles like dat, having met some mainland chinese friends n colleagues like dat.. yes they have good results, but very often, they have not much else to b proud off.. they can't adapt well beyond their own community sometimes and I feel sad for them, when they tell me they don have fond memories of their childhood.. that it was spend trying very hard to live up to their parents' expectation..

As a mother, I do recognise that yes, a child should be taught to reach it's fullest potential, but i also believe that every child is different. not everyone can be good at their studies, and it doesn't mean that people in lower paying jobs had bad parents..

It's no wonder that China is actually contemplating a law for children to visit their parents.. But I think not all mainland parents are like this.. it's prob a culture thing among a percentage of the population.. just like not every singaporean is kiasu.. :D

Mrsbongz
BlackBelt
BlackBelt
 
Posts: 787
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 2:27 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby tamarind » Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:16 am

Mrsbongz wrote:As a mother, I do recognise that yes, a child should be taught to reach it's fullest potential, but i also believe that every child is different. not everyone can be good at their studies, and it doesn't mean that people in lower paying jobs had bad parents..


Actually, in Singapore, so long as you have a degree or a diploma, you can live quite comfortably. There is no need to get perfect scores in order to own a car, employ a maid, and go on overseas trips every year :wink:

tamarind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3113
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:37 am
Total Likes: 0


Postby hquek » Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:36 am

tamarind wrote:Actually, in Singapore, so long as you have a degree or a diploma, you can live quite comfortably. There is no need to get perfect scores in order to own a car, employ a maid, and go on overseas trips every year :wink:


In that I beg to differ, having a degree is just a way of opening doors. Some people who have very good results are not able to perform well in work. So having a degree may not guarantee one a good life - though it'll make things easier.

I've seen many pp with diplomas (or even less) who are doing super well. Then again, these pp are already working and in/past their prime, perhaps in THOSE days, it's doable. :wink:

hquek
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 6535
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:07 am
Total Likes: 70


Next

Return to Working With Your Child