Smart but lazy?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Smart but lazy?

Postby chic_savvy » Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:29 am

My gal has finally started her P1 this year and there is something that I have been concerning about since her kindergarten years.

My gal has very strong cognitive skills and a sociable person. Basically nothing seems wrong with her. But when it comes to doing sums or English/Chinese, she tends to be "careless" or somewhat lazy to do some sums (she's able to complete everything though).

I read other sources online that some intelligent kids can find certain things monotonous and boring and would prefer something more challenging. If you're gona ask me if she loathes maths, no she doesn't. Contrary, it is her most favorite subject. But I just cannot understand why the lack of putting in more effort to ensure correct work.

I mean do most children this age tends to lose focus a lot? I have never place her in any enrichment classes before cept for some sports lessons and home tutoring (which I have also stopped now). Do I have to start being KS (no offense) to put her in many enrichment classes?

I think my main concern here is her focus and her "carelessness" (IF she could just put in slightly more effort to make it right). Any suitable centers around that will focus on my concerns? And I'm talking about she has no difficulties in doing sums or filling up the correct answers.

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Re: Smart but lazy?

Postby 3Boys » Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:32 am

chic_savvy wrote: I mean do most children this age tends to lose focus a lot?


From my experience, YES!

Just set a reasonable amount of structure, but don't force the issue on focus and concentration at this age, they'll get better.

3Boys
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Postby chic_savvy » Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:37 am

Phew! :pray:

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Re: Smart but lazy?

Postby Funz » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:45 am

chic_savvy wrote:My gal has finally started her P1 this year and there is something that I have been concerning about since her kindergarten years.

My gal has very strong cognitive skills and a sociable person. Basically nothing seems wrong with her. But when it comes to doing sums or English/Chinese, she tends to be "careless" or somewhat lazy to do some sums (she's able to complete everything though).

I read other sources online that some intelligent kids can find certain things monotonous and boring and would prefer something more challenging. If you're gona ask me if she loathes maths, no she doesn't. Contrary, it is her most favorite subject. But I just cannot understand why the lack of putting in more effort to ensure correct work.

I mean do most children this age tends to lose focus a lot? I have never place her in any enrichment classes before cept for some sports lessons and home tutoring (which I have also stopped now). Do I have to start being KS (no offense) to put her in many enrichment classes?

I think my main concern here is her focus and her "carelessness" (IF she could just put in slightly more effort to make it right). Any suitable centers around that will focus on my concerns? And I'm talking about she has no difficulties in doing sums or filling up the correct answers.


You just described my DD. She is in P2 this year and really she has no problems with understanding or grasping concepts and should be able to breeze through most of her work and tests. IF only she can put in a little more effort and focus. Imagine throwing 10 marks away due to carelessness.

I do not see how tuition or enrichment will help, especially in my DD's case. It all boils down to her own attitude, whether she wants to make that effort to produce decent work.

Sorry, no real solution for you because I am still muddling through. Just last week we had a long chat and she can give me all the correct replies and she knows what her problem is. She even drafted out for me her action plan to improve. And over 1 weekend, it is all out of the window again. :stupid:

Haizz... now no choice but to eyeball her and keep her on her toes. And :pray: that her attitude will improve.

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Postby cherrygal » Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:08 am

Girls and boys behave differently and usually, it's the boys that can't focus in their early years.

I know my DS knows his stuff coz he practically got everything correct in his worksheets. Yet he got a lousy comment from the teacher who wrote "He should pay more attention in class." Maybe he is just bored with what she's teaching coz he already knows them?

He's only in P1 and tends to make a few careless mistakes (coz he leaves clues on the paper that he knows the answer). Haiz

Should we just relax and pray it will get better with time? Will it be too late if we don't drill him now?

I was also pondering whether I should send him to some "kai nao ban" (brain stimulation class) or to music school to improve on his listening skills. Another thread mentioned Mind Gym and Little Neuro Tree etc. But these are expensive.

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Postby rainrain » Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:15 am

Hi,

I dun have a schooling child as my baby is still young..but the things u write about your daughter sounds like me when I was young. Is it due to lack of patience and focus. Lack of patience cos she wants finish the sums quickly therefore careless mistake..lack of focus cos halfway through the sums, she lost her train of thoughts..therefore careless mistake. How to train on these area huh??.but this term is so commonly used on kids by teachers!! Careless mistake!!

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Postby Chenonceau » Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:59 pm

cherrygal wrote:Girls and boys behave differently and usually, it's the boys that can't focus in their early years.

I know my DS knows his stuff coz he practically got everything correct in his worksheets. Yet he got a lousy comment from the teacher who wrote "He should pay more attention in class." Maybe he is just bored with what she's teaching coz he already knows them?


On the MBTI personality scales, our whole family test out to be Intuitives. Intuitives see patterns, not details. If your child is careless, there is a good chance that he/she is intuitive on the MBTI scales. There is reason to rejoice because MBTI Intuitives are the visionaries of the world. They can think conceptually, see patterns where others miss them.

Unfortunately they miss details right in front of their noses. These children can copy numbers wrongly from working to answer box. Little Boy does it all the time. The Husband and I used to do it too.

I started by telling Little Boy that he was born careless because he is an Intuitive, and that this is a trait he shares with both his parents. Both The Husband and I were very careless, and till today, I will get another to read my work because I am certain to make errors that I fail to see no matter how often I read. This ensured that Little Boy felt loved despite his failing. "Welcome to the family, son. You are careless. So are we. BUT it is still no excuse because Daddy and I fixed it. We expect you to as well."

I spent Primary 1 and 2 gently reminding him about his carelessness. In Primary 3, we had a series of more serious discussions. In Primary 4, I was desperate. So, I turned to something psychologists call Behavioral Modification Theory.

Okay... please don't flame me for the rest of what I am about to write.

(1) I tied every 2 careless mistakes to one stroke of cane.
(2) I communicated the link very clearly. There is nothing wrong with you. It's the behavior that needs to go.
(3) The first practice paper he did after that contained 5 mistakes. That was worth 2 strokes of cane.
(4) I showed The Husband the careless mistakes and he agreed to the caning.
(5) It was administered to bare butt in the privacy of the bedroom with no one but The Husband and I present.
(6) I hit AS HARD AS I COULD (but I am not very strong). This is important because if you don't make the pain memorable, you'll end up having to do it more often. I did not want to do it too often because after the first caning episode, I ran downstairs and trembled for a good 5 minutes. If you're built like Arnold Schwarzenegger, you may wanna go a bit easy.
(7) In the next practice paper, there was one careless mistake... I let it go.
( 8 ) In the next one, there were three careless mistakes... I said "Give you chance. No cane."
(9) After that there were no more for a couple of papers. So I praise and hug and make a big fuss.
(10) Then came one paper with 3 mistakes. I gave 1 stroke but allowed him to wear a few briefs and his shorts.
(11) Then came a few with 1 or 2, and I gave chance again.
(12) Then, I administered another 1 stroke to bare butt.

This is called Random Intermittent and Variable Punishment. If you punish regularly (or cane too often) the child gets used to the pain, and once you stop caning regularly, the undesirable behavior also comes back.

However, if the child knows he should be punished, expects to be punished but doesn't know exactly WHEN it'll happen, he/she will keep on trying to extinguish the undesirable behavior just in case.

Summary
It is thus important to not cane too often... to keep it random... to tie the stroke clearly to the undesired behavior... to ensure the memory of unpleasantness is more unpleasant than the actual punishment. It is the memory that is deterrent. The intensity of remembered pain can be worse than that of actual pain.

I fixed Little Boy's carelessness in 3 sessions of caning. Session 1: 2 strokes to bare butt. Session 2: 1 stroke to protected butt. Session 3: 2 strokes to bare butt. Don't cane when angry. And when you cane, have a witness. Immediately after, please sayang the child. Keep to the principle of random, variable and intermittent. Make sure the child knows that it is the behavior that is bad, not him. Lastly, give the child years to improve before you cane. P1 is too early. It might turn him off school. Give him a nice experience of school in lower primary first... This problem can be fixed later.

Also, this is something to use only in instances where the behavior is ingrained or very unnatural. I was a careless child myself. I know how unnatural it is for me to not make careless mistakes. And later when I was being trained in personality profiling, I learnt that it is part of one's personality. You are correcting an inborn trait. That is very hard.

If you don't wanna cane, you can do something else. But whatever it is needs to be very unpleasant because carelessness is part of a personality disposition and to overcome it is not easy because it is not natural to that personality type. Create the expectation but keep the actual punishment random... and errrr... painful.

Chenonceau
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Postby Sun_2010 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:35 pm

Chenonceau,

Wow that was really some learning.

Well I am the careless one, It is very diff for me to copy say a long articel verbatim. It is not natural for me to do my maths paper without mistakes. I have to check, redo and recheck. And some small thing would still escape.

When I had parents exasperated that their kids make careless mistakes, I sorta felt guilty. I was a motivated kid with parents who believed in me and well school and marks were just another part of life to them. But I was very very keen to do well. Maths was my fav. And to lose 1 or 2 marks due to carelessness hurt. Very very much. Yet I did those mistakes. I knew I was some way hardwired the wrong way. Thanks to you I know people like me have been researched and labelled.

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Postby Chenonceau » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:40 pm

Sun_2010 wrote:Chenonceau,

Wow that was really some learning.

Well I am the careless one, It is very diff for me to copy say a long articel verbatim. It is not natural for me to do my maths paper without mistakes. I have to check, redo and recheck. And some small thing would still escape.

When I had parents exasperated that their kids make careless mistakes, I sorta felt guilty. I was a motivated kid with parents who believed in me and well school and marks were just another part of life to them. But I was very very keen to do well. Maths was my fav. And to lose 1 or 2 marks due to carelessness hurt. Very very much. Yet I did those mistakes. I knew I was some way hardwired the wrong way. Thanks to you I know people like me have been researched and labelled.


Not only that... you have definite strengths. Intuitives have a lot of imagination. They can imagine a world that does not yet exist. They can cut through the trees and see the bigger picture very quickly. They possess helicopter vision. BUT, you miss the small stuff and can come across as impractical, dreamy and unrealistic.

Parents with careless kids should celebrate a little, whilst attempting to correct the behavior. It isn't all bad you know.
Last edited by Chenonceau on Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Sun_2010 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:41 pm

Now the question is should I blame my parents for not administering -
Random Intermittent and Variable Punishment ?

Well, 35 yrs of age is the expiry date of the "its all my mom's fault".
So hmmm... :(

Btw, I will warn all my frinds plannng to have kids - first get that degree in Human Pschycology first.
Just Kidding :wink:

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